Kissing the Demon (Seoksoo)

Seokmin

School was rough that week.

I wasn't sure if my mood was because of the shitty weather, my year eights who'd decided to develop an attitude problem, or the fact I wasn't sleeping great.

The one thing I knew I couldn't blame it on was the fact I hadn't seen Joshua since Sunday. Nope. Nothing about how he claimed he was too busy to meet up during this week had kept me awake at night and had me putting kids in detention left, right, and centre.

Neither of us had commented on our snuggle session in front of the TV. Unlike the previous nights, Joshua hadn't fallen asleep, jumping up after the post-credits scene like someone had jabbed him with a hot poker. He'd rushed out of the front door with a hurried farewell before I'd even processed what was happening.

When I'd texted him on Monday morning inviting him over this week, he politely but firmly turned me down, claiming he was busy with work. I didn't believe him, given how vague Seungkwan had been when I'd previously asked him what Joshua did for a job.

I'd made it weird. That was the only logical conclusion. Sure, Joshua was flirty, but I had no doubt that that was who he was. We'd agreed to be just friends, and I'd stepped past that boundary by snuggling him like my heart depended on it.

Fortunately, Joshua's attempt at putting distance between us didn't extend to our texts. We messaged back and forth constantly, covering everything from the films we had watched to places we wanted to travel.

He'd even confessed that he had a wide romantic streak, with his perfect first date being a candlelit dinner while a string quartet played. Somewhere he could dance in his partner's arms. My heart leapt foolishly at that detail, my mind already planning a way I could make that happen. But when Joshua rapidly changed the subject, I reminded myself that romance wasn't what he was looking for from me.

As the week went on, our conversations deepened. I confessed that I wasn't enjoying my job as I once did and even opened up to him a bit more about what it had been like growing up gay in the valleys. I told him everything from the time my nose had been broken during a bad tackle in a rugby game to how the scar under my lip was from when I caught chicken pox.

I couldn't help but notice that he wasn't very forthcoming about his background. Oh sure, he was happy to share countless tales of his escapades with Soonyoung and helping Vernon and Seungcheol set up their respective businesses. But when it came to anything about his childhood or where he lived before Southampton, he was frustratingly tight-lipped. Initially, I didn't even realise that he carefully steered the conversation away from certain topics. When I did clock it, I knew I couldn't be too annoyed about it. It wasn't like he was my boyfriend. And it also wasn't like I shared everything with him. I hadn't told him any more about my dad. Or about Matt and the shit show that was our relationship.

Still, even though I knew I shouldn't be annoyed about it...there was something about the way Joshua held back that irritated me. It was a reminder that we were just friends...and yes, I was the one who had insisted on that label. But the knowledge that Joshua was keeping us firmly within the boundaries I had set...irked me.

The more I thought about it, the grumpier I got. By Friday, I was a snarling beast of frustration. I even held off on inviting Joshua over as I'd originally planned. He'd probably been humouring me last weekend. I couldn't face being rejected by him again.

Not that he'd rejected me this week. The guy was allowed to be busy. I tugged my hands through my hair as I stomped down the corridor to Seungkwan's classroom. I wasn't acting any better than the students in my classes, ruled by their hormones and illogical reasoning.

Banging into Seungkwan's room without knocking, I strode over to his desk and dropped into his chair.

Seungkwan didn't look away from where he was wiping down his whiteboard. "Do make yourself comfortable, won't you?"