There was a dead pigeon right outside my door as soon as I opened it. For a while, I just stood there, motionless, staring at its glassy eyes. My mind couldn't fathom what was in front of me. And by looking at it, I could tell its body was hard. It had been a long time since the unfortunate animal had died.
A lifeless body was right in front of me. And the longer I stared at its empty eyes, the more chills started to creep out from my body. Unti-unting bumibilis ang tibok ng puso ko sa pinaghalong kaba at takot. A certain memory began to flood into my mind. A memory that I tried so hard to forget pero palaging laman ng bangungot ko tuwing gabi. A nightmare that would wake me up in the middle of the night with my body trembling in fear and tears in my eyes.
Nagsimulang manginig ang mga kamay ko. My breathing hitched. Nahihirapan akong huminga at nanlalabo ang paningin ko. My body swayed and my stomach churned. Parang gusto kong masuka kaya itinakip ko ang isang kamay sa bibig ko.
No... please... Not now.
I shut my eyes tightly. I tried to count from one to ten but I knew it would be futile as I would see the animal's lifeless body again once I opened my eyes. Parang bigla ay gusto kong maiyak. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. I wanted to run away from the scene in front of me.
For years, I tried so hard to escape from that memory. On what happened the night of my sixteenth birthday. Pero parang ayaw ng pagkakataong makatakas ako roon. Palaging ipinapaalala sa akin iyon sa mga maliliit na bagay. I succeeded in ignoring it, but this dead pigeon was too much. Bumuhos ang alaalang 'yon ngayon kasabay ng takot na naramdaman ko noon.
Shit... Let this be a dream...
Someone, please... Take me away from here.
"Xanthe?"
Biglaan ang naging pagdilat ko. Hinanap ko ang pinanggalingan ng boses. Even though I hadn't seen who called me, I already knew who it was. Isang tao lang naman ang tumatawag sa pangalan ko with the right pronunciation in this neighborhood.
I saw the man outside the gate of the house I was renting. Maliit lang ang bahay pero may maliit na gate at ilang hakbang lang ang lalakarin papunta sa pinto ng bahay. So, he could clearly see me and he probably saw in my expression that there was something wrong. Kaya dinig ko rin ang pag-aalala sa boses n'ya.
"N-Nikolaj..." I muttered.
He was staring at me with his head tilting to the side as if he was studying my expression. Mabigat ang paraan ng pagtitig n'ya. I already noticed the way he looked at someone the first time I saw him. That time when the homeowner's president introduced him to me dahil s'ya ang may-ari ng malaking bahay sa harap ng inuupahan ko. The residents in that small subdivision also knew him, as he was helping them with small things. Aside from the fact that he was handsome, he's probably the most handsome man we've ever seen.
Nikolaj has this... domineering aura around him. He could terrorize someone with just his gaze and anyone would cower in fear just by looking in his eyes. Kaya nga noong ipinakilala ako ng president ng subdivision na iyon sa kanya, nagulat pa ako na kung may kailanganin man daw ako ay pwede akong humingi ng tulong kay Nikolaj. I was surprised when she told me that he would help me even with small problems in my house.
Nikolaj was a big man. Masyado s'yang matangkad. I think his height was about six feet and five inches tall. Kinakailangan ko pang tumingala ng masyado para lang makita ng buo ang mukha n'ya. To think that I wasn't lacking in height. I am five feet and four inches tall. Hindi man lang ako umabot sa balikat n'ya.
His body was ripped. Halatang alaga sa workout. I knew that because every morning, I always saw him working out in front of his yard, doing push-ups and curl-ups after jogging. Walang damit pang-itaas and his body glistening with sweat under the morning sun.
