Trigger warning: Bloodplay | R18
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The rumor about me having schizophrenia didn't stop. I tried so hard to ignore it and not care about that rumor. Dahil gano'n naman ang tsismis. It would quiet down if one just ignored it and let it be. Dahil magsasawa rin naman ang mga tao. Mas lalo pa ngang lalala kapag pinansin ang mga 'yon no matter how much one would try to defend themselves from the unfairness of the rumor. People don't care about the truth after all. As long as the rumor entertained them, they would blindly believe it.
But in my case, for some reason, it didn't subside. Mas lalo lang lumalala at kumakalat every passing day. The whole office now knew about it to the point that employees were looking at me whenever I walked pass them. Halatang-halata ang tingin na ibinibigay nila sa 'kin at hindi rin itinatago ang pagbubulungan kapag nakikita ako. People who didn't know me before now know about me thanks to hearsay.
And no matter how much I told myself not to let it bother me, it did. Hindi ko makayanan ang tingin na ibinibigay nila sa 'kin. The whispering, the judging stares, and the fact that they distanced themselves from me as if I had a contagious disease, which was really funny if only it was in other circumstances. Hindi naman nakakahawa ang schizophrenia.
It was frustrating. Naaapektuhan na rin ang pagtatrabaho ko. I couldn't think clearly knowing that my officemates were glancing at me na para bang inaabangan nila kung anong gagawin ko. Na para bang magwawala ako anytime.
Fuck... I didn't want this. I really hate this.
I stood up when lunch break came. Tiningnan ko ang cubicle kung nasaan si Lyda dahil sabay kami palaging nagla-lunch but I saw that she was still sitting in front of her computer. Pero may ka-officemate kaming nakatayo sa gilid ng station n'ya at parang nakikipagkwentuhan sa kanya. I contemplated for a bit but then decided to approach her. Natigil ang pag-uusap nila nang lumapit ako.
"Lyda... hindi ka pa magla-lunch?" I asked.
I saw Lyda quickly glance at our officemate, who was still standing there. And I knew immediately that I wouldn't be having my lunch with her today... or maybe ever again.
"May tinatapos pa ako e." There was a weird smile on her face.
"I'll wait for you then."
Mabilis ang naging pag-iling n'ya.
"Hindi, sige. Mauna ka na. Matatagalan pa ako." She almost stammered with her words. I could see the panic on her face. "Mamaya pa ako magla-lunch."
I looked at our officemate na hindi rin makatingin sa kanya. It gave me the idea that they were talking about me before I approached them.
I forced a smile when I looked at Lyda again. Hindi ko gustong mainis sa kanya. The rumor wasn't her fault. Maybe she didn't want to be seen with someone who people thought had a mental illness.
But it was Lyda who told me not to mind the rumors. She even said that she believed in me.
Maybe that changed now, huh?
"I guess hindi rin tayo sabay na uuwi mamaya?" I asked, which made her wince.
I saw guilt in her eyes.
"Hindi. Mag-o-overtime ako. Sorry, Shan."
I just nodded. Well, what could I ever do in this situation?
I didn't take my lunch that day. Wala rin naman akong ganang kumain. Besides, maraming tao sa cafeteria ngayon and I was so sure that a lot of people would look at me too. Hindi rin ako makakakain nang maayos.
