I really hate going to work these past few weeks. Well, I usually hated working, waking early just to prepare to be a corporate slave and going home to rest, then waking up the next day just to do the same thing again. I hated this kind of routine, but I had no choice as I really do need to work. I need money. Hindi na ako mayaman na kahit nakahiga lang ako ay magkakaroon ako ng pera.
But lately, mas lalo kong inayawan ang pagtatrabaho. My co-workers became toxic and it was actually draining me. I could always see their curious glances at rinig ko pa ang ilang pagbubulungan nila na para bang wala na silang pakialam kung maririnig ko iyon.
Lyda continued to avoid me. Even my coworkers avoided me, treating me as though I had a contagious illness.
My plan to stay low didn't happen as people began talking about me. Ayaw na ayaw ko pa namang makakakuha ako ng atensyon as I was afraid that because they think I was interesting, they would find out who I really was. Before, I was getting attention because of my looks but right now, it is because they think that I have schizophrenia and I would get episodes anytime while working. They looked wary and scared every time they needed to talk to me because of work.
I was always going home alone dahil nga iniiwasan na ako ni Lyda. And the feeling that people were always looking at me didn't fade kahit na nang makasakay ako pauwi sa jeep. Feeling ko ay lahat ng mga pasahero ay nakatingin din sa akin. It felt as if they also knew what was going on about me, as if they knew about the rumor of my condition and was just waiting for me to have an episode.
Kahat na nang pumunta ako sa sakayan ng tricycle at nagturuan pa ang mga tricycle driver kung sino ang maghahatid sa akin sa loob ng subdivision ay feeling ko dahil alam din nila sa rumored condition ko. I was just trying to keep my calm when deep inside, nanginginig ako. I wanted to shout to all of them that it wasn't true. I don't suffer from any mental illness. Pero iniisip ko na lang na mas lalo pang makakasama sa akin kapag ginawa ko iyon.
Nagbayad na ako sa tricycle at nang ibinigay ko ang sukli ay nakita ko ang naaawang ngiti sa akin ng driver, although he looked wary as well, kaya tinaasan ko s'ya ng kilay.
"Pagaling kayo, ma'am," he said. "Ang ganda n'yo pa naman. Sayang kung mababaliw lang kayo."
That did something in me. Sumabog na ang pinipigilan kong galit.
"I am not sick!" sigaw ko sa driver na mukhang nagulat pero bumalik ang naaawang tingin na para bang alam n'ya kung bakit bigla akong naging ganito. "Those were just rumors. It's not true!"
"Sige, ma'am. Ingat na lang po kayo," sabi pa ng driver at umalis na.
"Hindi ako baliw!" pahabol ko pang sigaw at saka ko lang napagtanto na hindi lang pala ako ang nag-iisa sa kalsadang 'yon. Mrs. Abad was also there, right outside her house, at nakikipagkwentuhan sa mga ibang nakatira sa sunbdivision. From the expressions on their faces, it was clear that they all saw me yelling at the tricycle driver.
Great! Another rumor about me again!
Hindi ko na lang sila pinansin at pumasok na sa loob. I found Nikolaj in the kitchen at inaayos ang mukhang food delivery sa isang mamahaling sasakyan.
"Hey..." he greeted when he saw me. Agad n'yang ibinuka ang mga braso n'ya at ibinagsak ko na lang basta ang bag ko sa sofa at lumapit sa kanya. Nikolaj wrapped his arm around me with a tight hug. "I heard you shouting. What happened?"
Napasimangot tuloy ako. I tried to sniff his scent pero mabilis akong natigilan nang maging pamilyar sa ilong ko ang amoy n'ya.
This scent...
I sniffed his shirt and then his neck. Hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla akong kinabahan. But Nikolaj's scent was so familiar. He was using a perfume na naamoy ko na before.
