Lotus

PART THREE - Rina - 17: Alone

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Dear Diary,

     I was cleaning out my room and I found you! It’s been so long, hasn’t it? It’s been a year since we’ve last talked. Wow, a year. Things sure have changed since then.

     I’m in college now. Yup. A college girl. It feels like just yesterday I got you for Christmas. When was it? Eighth grade? I’m getting old now (lol). I guess I look older… but my friends say I can still pass as a fifteen year old.

     Friends. Hah.

     I haven’t been with friends in a while… Diary, you’re probably disappointed in me. I’ve become quite pessimistic over the past year. I actually don’t have many friends. Lindy goes to school somewhere far away. When I say “far,” I mean FAR. Miles and miles away. I’ve become distant with many of my high school friends. They all attend college somewhere far away as well. But I’ve stayed here. Right here in this boring town. My college is in the city. I don’t talk to many people. I don’t really want to. I’ve lost interest in having a relationship with anybody.

     Actually, you know what’s funny? The one person I wish I could forget about, I see him everyday! Who you may ask? Ren. His school is in the city as well. He takes the same route as I do, so I get to see him every time I go to school. I hate him.

-Rina

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     A year has passed.

     A year has passed since Rina and Ren had last spoken to each other. No. They’ve spoken to each other a couple of times, but only to say “hello” or “sorry” if they happened to bump into each other.

     They saw each other every day. They both attended college in the city. Rina’s college was midtown. Ren’s college was downtown. They both took the same bus and train to get to school.

     Every day, Rina and Ren woke up at the same time. One would lead the other to the bus stop where they would wait for the same bus. Rina would never forget to bring her phone or MP3 player with her. She hated the wait. She hated the awkward silence as they stood just feet away from each other. If she were to forget her MP3 player, she would pretend to message someone with her phone. If her MP3 player were out of battery, she would still pretend to listen to music. Ren did the same.

     Entering the bus, they would sit on opposite ends. It became sort of a race to sit down first. On at least one occasion, they were forced to sit somewhat near each other, but never next to one another.

     After leaving the bus, they waited for the same train. Sometimes, Rina or Ren would walk further down the station to enter a different cart, though usually they just waited fairly near each other and entered into the same one. Again, they never sat next to each other. Never.

     The hour train ride was interminable. Rina always fell asleep until the train arrived at her stop. Ren usually tried not to fall asleep, but did anyways. He made sure to shut his eyes whenever it was Rina’s stop.

     This was their routine. It had been their routine since the start of the new school year.

     At school, Rina sat by herself as she waited for her classes to start. She wasn’t lonely. She had no interest in having a companion. She was used to nobody being by her side. How could she feel lonely? She convinced herself that she could no longer feel this sort of emotion.

     Today I have X class at Y o’clock. I have a few hours between that class and Z class, so I’ll go grab some lunch down at the bookstore on 6th Avenue.

     In the past year, Rina had grown into a cold, detached young woman. She had isolated herself from her classmates in college and distanced herself from her high school friends. It had been this way ever since she ended her relationship with Ren. She had lost confidence in herself. She had lost all confidence in her friends. She had no expectations for anybody anymore. Her philosophy was that people were selfish, fake, and inconsiderate. She hated them all.

     No.

     She didn’t hate one person, at least.

     I’ll go grab some lunch down at the bookstore on 6th Avenue. I think Jason is free today. I’ll ask him to join me.

     Jason was the only one of the three boys that Rina remained on good terms with. After hearing of her breakup with Ren, Jason stayed by Rina’s side. Initially, she was hostile towards him and condemned him. She believed that he was like the other two boys, only seeing her as a replacement for a dead girl. Despite this, he stuck to her side, constantly trying to talk to her until she finally gave in after months of his attempts.

     He loved her. When he told her he did, Rina tried distancing herself from him, but he wouldn’t allow it. He didn’t want to leave her alone. In the end, Jason ended up being the only person by her side. He became the only person she didn’t think badly of. He became her last ray of hope.

     Another day. Another ordinary day.

     Rina woke up. It was dark. She looked out her window and saw nothing but a dense fog cov