Belonging - an adopted by Hamilton sequel

24th of September, 2027

[A/N: Sorry I've been nowhere to be found as of late, but here's a "little" chapter for you📖]

24th of September, 2027

I looked at myself in the mirror. I had just come out from a shower, feeling cleaner than I had in days. All the sweat, remainders of puke, oily skin — gone. Everything had been scrubbed off. With my bathrobe wrapped around myself and my hair up in a towel, I realized I could barely recognise myself. I looked tired. There were bags under my eyes, and my skin was almost tinted gray. Forcefully, I kept my eyes off of my arms. The scars were over a month old by now, and had joined my pile of faded ones, or the pits of the scars I had reopened. My fingernails were bitten down, which was something new. Before I had always kept them long enough. I would never cut them short. Just in case. But now they were badly bitten, some so short that they hurt. Another wave of nausea hit me, and as it brought itself up my throat I anxiously swallowed and pressed it down, though the feeling did not leave my body.
Dom knocked lightly on the door.
"Hey, you okay?", he sounded slightly concerned. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah", I forced out. "It's open", I replied, even though I knew he knew that. But he never walked in without asking. He pressed down the handle, and walked inside.
"Darling?", he asked, trying to find me, before he realised I was standing before the mirror.
"I'm okay", I said, trying to convince myself of the fact at the same time, like I had since we found out. "I was just trying to not throw up again"
He smiled in compassion, and leaned at the door.
"I've started biting my nails", I said, looking at him through the mirror.
"I've noticed", he replied, nodding.
"I haven't really. Not until now", I said, my voice quiet.
"So it's not a compulsion?", he asked me, walking up to stand behind me, as he let his hand reach my hand.
"I don't think so, I just... I just think it's a nervous tick, really", I told him. "They look kind of bad"
"Not bad. Just different", he reminded me, as he met my eyes in the mirror and pulled me into a hug from behind. "I think you do it when you're starting to feel sick. To keep your mind off of it"
I thought back to earlier today, when I had forced myself some breakfast down my stomach. Indeed, I had bit my nails. I hadn't even thought of it.
"Oh. Yeah, I do", I said as I realized it. Dom squeezed my hand.
"Are you okay with it?", he asked me, still keeping an eye on me.
"Not sure", I said, squeezing his hand back before letting myself go from his embrace. "I'm going to try to stop it. I think... I think I need them to be long. I- I know it's strange, but it sort of gives me a peace of mind. Just in case", I explained, trying not to feel ashamed of it, as I opened our bathroom cabinet and took out my moisturizer, and started putting it on my face. In hindsight, I was trying to keep my face away from his. Dom took a seat on the edge of the bathtub next to me.
"It's not strange. It's just the way things are", Dom replied, and he hesitated for a second, and then went quiet again. I glanced at him, knowing he wanted to say something — but for some reason he chose not to.
"What?", I asked him, trying to get him to say it. He shook his head. "Come on, Dominic. Just say what you want to say", I added as I carefully washed my hands.
He took a quick breath.
"Even though I would rather them be short. Just in case", he quietly said. My first thought was to defend myself, but I knew I didn't have to. Still somehow my heart started beating faster. "I know you didn't want to hear that", Dom added.
I shook my head.
"It's alright", I assured him, as I dried my hands thoroughly on the yellow towel next to the sink. "I know you didn't want to hear my part either", I told him, and carefully took a seat next to him. I put my one hand on my wrists, and felt the scars. They filled me with regret and dread. Not one part of me wanted to do that again. I looked up at him, carefully, and met his eyes. They were just as earnest and kind as the first day that I had met them. "But I'm scared that if I don't let them grow out, I can't do it if I have to, and I will panic and use something else"
He nodded. He already knew that.
"I know", he said, and leaned his head on my shoulder.
We sat quietly for a moment.
"I had a 3 am thought last night", he suddenly said. The element of surprise made me laugh.
"Sorry? And you've been keeping it in all day? You know I appreciate your 3 am thoughts more than anyone", I let out, and pushed him friendly to the side, to which he just laughed and smirked at me.
"I thought about how as people, we get used to things. Like how we sleep in the same bed and manage to not wake each other up", he said, looking at me. "It was around 3 am and I was looking at you, sleeping soundly, just baffled at how you hadn't woken up despite me having the light on and tapping on my laptop"
This made me smile.
"I mean, considering how little you sleep, and how much you move when you actually sleep, I probably should wake up more often. But I guess I don't", I said, suddenly thinking about how calm I felt about sleeping nowadays.
"Well you sleep like a log", he said, taking my hand. "Sometimes I have to check if you're alive", to which I just rolled my eyes, and kissed his cheek.
"Now who's the worried one?", I asked him, smirking, as I stood up to take my hair out of the towel.
"You got me", he said, and let go of my hand. "Just tell me when you're ready to go", he added and walked out of the bathroom.
I looked at myself in the mirror again. Despite how terrible I felt, I was happy. And you could see it from miles away.