Never Have I Ever- STEPHANIE ALVES

Dirty List (Rosalie)

 I think I've gone insane. That's the only explanation for why I'm on my way to Grayson Carter's house. I need to at least ask him. I can't think of anyone else who would be more fitting to help me with a situation like this. I want someone who's done it all, experienced everything, and Grayson Carter is that man. The rumors I've heard about him speak for themselves. Drug dealer, playboy, sleeps around, drinks, smokes, steals. You name it, Grayson has probably done it. I want to see what he's like, what his life is like. I crave a life like his, I want it all. The fun, the danger, the excitement, and Grayson can give me that. I'm curious about everything to do with Grayson Carter. The stolen glances I took last night whenever he drank to a question, the way my breath staggered when his eyes locked on mine. The way my stomach flipped when he smirked at me before he turned around and left. I want to know what that means. He's so different from any guys I've been attracted to. Dark hair, dark eyes, tattoos. It's confusing. I've always been into preppy guys, blond hair, blue eyes, the kind you settle down with and marry, and Grayson definitely isn't that.I don't know what it is about him that makes me want to know him. It should terrify me that he's a drug dealer, and those tattoos should make me shiver at the mere sight of them. His dark eyes should make me run the other way, especially how intense they are, the way they burned into my memory. But it doesn't. If anything, it makes me more intrigued. Who is Grayson Carter, and what would it be like to live like him? A life without rules, responsibilities, no expectations to be perfect. Just live and have fun. He'd be exactly the type of guy my mother would hate, she would despise everything he stands for, and maybe that's why he entices me so much. Maybe that's why I feel drawn to him, and maybe that's why I'm currently on the way to his house, about to ask him to take my virginity. Which brings me back to the conclusion that I've gone insane. I mean, I don't know him, not really. I know his name and his reputation. That isn't enough to know someone. I haven't even talked to him, except for a split second at the party. The memory makes my palms burn. The way his lips parted, the way his dark eyes dominated his face as he looked down at me, almost shocked to see me. It etched in my mind, making me aware of him for the rest of the night. Other than that, I don't know him, but I'm desperate. Desperate for fun and excitement in my life. Desperate to finally experience the life I've always wanted. I've always felt like an outsider. With the girls from the country club that my mother forced me to interact with, I felt like I didn't belong. Even with my family, I felt like I was the odd one out. The one that was never good enough compared to my brother. I have never once felt like I belonged, and maybe I still don't. Maybe I don't belong here, in college. Maybe my mother was right all along, and I was destined to follow in her footsteps, to be a housewife and nothing more. But that's not what I want, and if my life is ultimately destined for a lifetime of despair and brunches at the country club, then I deserve this. Four years of doing whatever the hell I want and living my life how I've always wanted to.The closer I get to his front door, the more I start thinking this is a horrible idea. What if he says no? I've never asked a guy out before. The one time I had a crush in high school, I was so nervous around him, I didn't know how to talk to him. And at the party, I almost choked when Ben came up to me, wanting to talk to me. I'm not like Leila. She's confident, easy-going, fun. I remember seeing her talk to a guy at the party, laughing, touching his arm, smiling up at him like it was the most natural thing ever. I wish I could do that. The whole flirting thing, it always scared me. Which is why I need Grayson's help. If I can't even talk to a guy, how will I ever date one? But what if he rejects me? What if Grayson laughs in my face and turns me down? He doesn't have a reason to say yes. There's nothing in it for him. This is all beneficial to me. I approach the door and take a deep breath, staring up at the large black door staring back at me. This is it. I lift my hand and press the doorbell. I step back, waiting for someone to open the door, but there's no answer, so I press it again and wait. "I'm coming, hold up," I hear from the other side of the door. I push my shoulders back and wait for him to open the door. This is it. This is what I came here for. This is what I wanted, and I'm finally going to get it. But when the door finally swings open, he's not standing on the other side. "Yes? Can I help you?" The guy asks. I twist my neck up to look at him. Jesus, he's tall. His hair is tucked underneath a baseball cap, and my eyes drift down his body. This guy is huge, in height but also in muscle. This definitely isn't Grayson. I look up, and I'm met with a smile. I smile back. "Um... is this where Grayson Carter lives?" I ask. He scratches the back of his neck and looks behind his shoulder for a second before he turns back to look at me. "Yeah?" He says, his brows scrunching a little. "Who are you?" He asks. "I'm Rosalie Whitton. I need to talk to Grayson Carter. Can I come in?" "Yeah. Sure," he says before he steps back, allowing me to enter.I step inside the house. It's much nicer than I expected. There's a huge kitchen to the right, mostly black, with a chandelier hanging above the dining table and a staircase in front of me, with a black railing along the side. The floorboards are dark wood and shine underneath my heels. This house looks luxurious. How much do drug dealers make? I twist my head to the left, poking my head through the door, seeing a huge TV. I'm guessing it's a living room. My eyes widen when I see four heads turn and all eyes on me. These guys are just as big as the guy who opened the door. What milk do they drink? Behind me, the door closes, and I jump at the sound, turning around and staring wide-eyed at the guy who opened the door for me, now leaning against it with his arms crossed over his chest. "I'm Grayson's roommate," he says. "Aiden Pierce." Aiden Pierce. Why does that name sound familiar to me? I look over my shoulder at the four guys sitting on the black leather couch still staring at me. One of them is holding a basketball, and that's when it clicks. "Oh," I say, realization kicking in. I turn back to face him. "Aiden Pierce," I repeat his name. "You're the captain of the basketball team?" "Yeah," he says, nodding. "I recognized your name. My friend watches your games," I say. Leila is crazy about basketball. She used to attend every game at our high school and now tries to drag me to the basketball games, which I decline every time. "She does?" A smirk forms on his face when I nod, and then he gestures towards the couch with a tilt of his head. "These are some of my teammates." I turn my head back and look at the guys. The whole group smiles at me, one of them lifting his hand in greeting. "Hey," he says. "Hey," I reply, feeling my cheeks start to heat. "You looking for Grayson?" another guy asks. I nod. "Yeah." I turn back to look at Aiden. "Is he here?" He gestures towards the stairs. "Yeah. He's upstairs. Is he expecting you?"I shake my head. "No, he's not. He doesn't even know me." I let out a nervous laugh. "I came to ask for his help with something." "Shit, I'll help you," one of the guys calls out, and a few of them laugh. I feel another blush coming, so I focus on Aiden. "Can I go upstairs?" He scratches the back of his neck again and nervously laughs. "Uh... he might be a little busy at the moment." I shrug. "That's okay, it will only take a second." He regards me with a scrunch of his brows and then blows out a breath. "Can I ask what you need help with?" Aiden asks me. I shake my head. "It's... personal," I say. "How personal?" One of the guys mumbles, and they all laugh under their breath. I freeze in place. Do they know? I tried to keep it as vague as possible. If anyone finds out about this, it will be so embarrassing. Aiden nods. "Okay, and none of us can help you with it?" They could. Any one of these guys is probably as experienced as Grayson, and they sound interested, but my mind goes back to Grayson. I need him. I shake my head. "No, I need to see Grayson," I tell him and head for the stairs. "He might be a little preoccupied right now," he tells me. I sigh and sit on the stairs. "I'll wait then." Aiden bunches his eyebrows together. He looks confused and possibly thinks I'm crazy, and maybe I am, for proposing this idea, but I've been held back for too long. I want to be free for once and experience everything. "Are you thirsty? I could get you a drink," he asks me. I shake my head. "No, thanks." "Hungry?" I shake my head again. "Okay then, I'll be in here if you need anything," he says, gesturing to the living room. He walks into the living room and closes the door behind him. I hear the deep sound of the guys talking through the walls while I sit on the steps, tapping my foot, waiting impatiently for Grayson to come downstairs. The more time passes, the more I think this might be a horrible idea. It seemed like the perfect plan two nights ago. I came home from the party, sober and upset about how the night had ended and made the list.I blow out an exasperated breath. Where is he? I clutch my hand on the railing and take a deep breath in. I take a step forward and climb the stairs. What if he doesn't accept? What if he says no? This is embarrassing enough. I sound desperate. I am desperate. After last night, I don't want to live like I have been for the past eighteen years. I need this. I take a deep breath when I reach the top of the stairs, looking down the hallway. All of the doors are closed, and I have no idea which one is his bedroom. Maybe I should just leave, he wouldn't even know I was here in the first place, and I could forget about this whole thing. It's insane that I'm asking a guy I don't even know to sleep with me. But I came here for a reason, and I'm not leaving without at least asking him. I knock on the first door and wait for a reply or movement from behind the wooden door, but there's no response. I walk further down and knock on the next door I find. "I'll be down in a second." I suck in a breath at the sound. That's him. Well, I think. I've never actually heard his voice before, and maybe Aiden and Grayson have a roommate. I have no idea what possesses me to do what I do next, I know that I should wait for him to open the door or come out, or that it's wrong, but that doesn't stop me from reaching for his door handle. I'm really about to do this. I'm about to ask Grayson Carter to take my virginity. Here goes nothing. I twist the door handle and push the door open. "Dude, I said I'd be—" His eyes lock with mine. Oh, it's his room, alright. Except, Aiden was right. He is busy. With another girl's tongue down his throat. I gasp at the scene and slam the door closed.