Never Have I Ever- STEPHANIE ALVES

Dance The Pain Away (Rosalie)

 I don't want to be here. I want to go back to bed and bury myself in my sheets until I can get Grayson's smell out of my mind. I love the girls, and I appreciate everything they're doing to try and make me forget about the hollow feeling in my chest, but right now, I would prefer to be alone. I don't want to move on or meet anyone new. I just want to be alone in my misery and focus on how I'm to blame for how I'm feeling. That I was dumb enough to fall for a guy that specifically told me not to do that. "You want another drink?" Leila asks. I shake my head, fiddling with the straw in my empty glass. "Maybe she wasn't ready yet," Gabi says. "I wasn't," I mumble. "She doesn't need to get under a guy today," Madi says. "She just needs to get out of that apartment and hang out with us. She needs to see that Grayson isn't the only guy that exists. There's plenty of guys who'd be interested in her," she says. I glance up, meeting her eyes. "I don't want anyone else," I tell her. Because the truth is, even if there were a row of guys standing outside waiting for me, I wouldn't even glance their way. I want Grayson. I love Grayson, and I can't have him."Right now," she says. "You're hurting. I get that, but you've got to accept the fact that you and Grayson aren't going to happen." I shake my head, feeling the tears spring in my eyes. "I love him, Madi," I tell her. "How am I supposed to get over that? I can't just turn those feelings off." How did I even get into this position? I wish I hadn't gone to that party or played Never Have I Ever, or gone to Grayson's house begging him to take my virginity. "I know, Rosie. I know," she says. "Just hang out with us tonight," Leila says, putting her hand on my shoulder. "I promised you a tub of ice cream when we get home." "Two," I say, holding up two fingers. She smiles. "Okay, two," she agrees. "But that warrants at least a walk to the bar." I sigh. "I don't want another drink." She nudges me on the shoulder. "Who said it was for you?" she says, a smirk on her face. The others start laughing, and I choke out a laugh, too, lifting out of the booth. "Fine," I say. "What do you want?" I ask her. She shrugs. "A beer is fine." I look down at her glass, still half full. I don't even think she wanted another drink. She just wanted to give me an excuse to not sit in the booth sulking all night. I smile down at her, silently thanking her, and then turn, heading for the bar. I see Aiden at the counter once again, and he smiles when he sees me walking towards him, and I give him a tight-lipped smile. I want to ask him. Should I ask him? "Hey, Rosalie," he says, flashing that grin that makes girls fall to their knees. "Hey," I say, leaning against the counter and sliding over the cash. "A beer, please." He snorts. "You don't really look like the beer type," he says, lifting his brow. I laugh. "It's not for me," I tell him, turning my head and pointing at Leila, who's now in the corner of the room, talking to some guy. "It's for my friend over there.""Does your friend have a name?" He asks. "Leila," I say. I turn around, and his eyes are still on Leila. "So, that beer?" I ask. His eyes turn back to me, and he shakes his head, snapping out of it. "Yeah, sure. Coming right up," he says, grabbing a glass and filling it up. I chew on my bottom lip, staring up at him. Should I ask him? I mean, he is his roommate. He would know how Grayson is doing or if he's dating other girls. Maybe I shouldn't ask him. I don't want to hear that he's moved on already and is perfectly happy and really never felt anything for me. That would shatter me even more. The more I wait, the more I battle with myself. "How's Grayson?" I blurt out. He pauses, his eyes widening as he looks at me. "Uh..." He says, scratching the back of his head. Oh god, what is he about to tell me? I sigh. "Never mind," I say, looking down at the glass sitting on the counter. He curses and then sighs. "He's a mess, Rosie." I look up at him, and his brows are furrowed. "He is?" I don't know how I feel about that. I don't want him to be hurting, but why would he? This is what he wanted. Aiden nods. "He's a wreck. I don't exactly know what happened between you two, but—" "Oh, no," I interrupt, shaking my head. "Nothing happened between us," I say, feeling the bitterness of those words on my tongue. Technically that's what Grayson said. He raises his brow. "Rosalie. C'mon." He knows. "He told you?" Aiden shakes his head. "I heard you," he says, his lips twitching. My brows scrunch together. "Heard me what?" My cheeks heat as I catch on to what Aiden is telling me. "Oh." "Yeah." He laughs. I bury my face in my hands, trying to hide the embarrassment I feel from Aiden hearing me and Grayson have sex."I don't know what happened between you two," he repeats. "He hasn't exactly said your name, but I can only imagine it has something to do with you, with how you look right now." "Is it that obvious?" I ask him. "Yeah," he says. "You look just as bad as he does." "Wow." I scoff. "Thanks." He laughs. "You still look hot, don't worry. I see the same look in your eyes that he has in his." I shrug. "He ended it." "Yeah," he says, nodding. "I guessed as much." "So I don't know why he's upset. He got what he wanted." I say, feeling a twinge of pain in my chest. The thought of Grayson feeling a fraction of what I'm feeling is unbearable to me. Even if he doesn't love me, I love him, and I don't want him to hurt. "I don't think so," he mutters, sliding the drink over to me. "Thanks," I say, handing him the cash, and he waves me off. "Tell your friend it's on me." I laugh. "Will do," I say, picking up the glass and heading back to the table. I set the drink down in front of Leila, who's got her eye on the guy she was talking to earlier. I hand her the money, and she frowns. "The drink is for me," she says. "I'm paying for it." I shake my head, a smile on my face. "It wasn't me," I tell her, pointing over to Aiden, who's looking our way. "It was him." She turns her head, looking at Aiden, who smirks at her and turns his head away from her direction. "Oh," she says, taking the drink from me and taking a sip. She glances at Aiden once more, who's not looking over anymore as he talks to a girl at the bar, and then turns to look at the guy who she was talking to earlier. How is it so easy for her to be attracted to a guy and forget about him the next day? I wish I could do that. I wish I could forget Grayson, but part of me also doesn't want that. It wants to remember every good memory I had with him. How it felt to ride with him on the motorcycle, how he made me feel when he sped up his car, how his lips tasted, how he smiled at me and called me angel, how so deeply in love I am with that man.I always knew I'd never end up having the kind of love I wanted and dreamed of. I've been preparing to be set up with a country club boy ever since I could walk, so I thought, what's the harm in having fun? But what I didn't know was that I'd fall deeply in love with him, that it would consume me and make me see everything so differently. The way he holds me, the way he smiles at me, I want that forever. I want to find something like that for the rest of my life. And I want it with someone that feels the same thing as I do. Unrequited love is a bitch. My heart hurts all the time. It physically feels empty. It's as if a part of me is missing. A part of me that doesn't want to be mine. I tip my head back and sigh. I just want to forget it all. The next thing I know, someone's grabbing at my arm, and I twist my head, seeing it's Gabi. "C'mon," she says. "Let's dance." I groan. "I don't feel like dancing," I tell her. She fake gasps. "I feel offended," she says, putting her hand over her chest dramatically. I laugh. "I thought Madi was the actress." She shrugs and then tugs on my arms once more. "C'mon. It's the only thing I'm good at. If I can't cheer you up, then I feel I've not done my job." I roll my eyes. "Fine," I say, standing up and letting her lead me to the middle of the bar. She takes hold of my hands as her hips move along to the beat, and she smiles at me. I stand awkwardly in front of her, and then her eyes snap to mine, and she frowns. "You're not dancing." "No one else is dancing," I whisper to her, looking around at the guys staring at us with a grin on their faces. She glances around and then shrugs. "So? Don't live for them. Live for yourself." I freeze in place. Gabi notices and frowns a little. "What?" she asks. My lips raise in a small smile. "Grayson said that to me once." Her brows raise. "He did?" I nod, remembering our trips and how he always wanted me to be myself. "Huh," she says. "Maybe he's not a complete asshole." I frown. "Yeah." She pulls me towards her, and I yelp. She smirks as she squeezes my hands. "No more thinking of Grayson." Her hands leave mine and drift tomy hips. "Dance," she whispers, and I chuckle, moving my hips underneath her hands until she lets go, and we're both dancing alongside each other to some 90's hip hop song. It feels good. To let go. To dance like truly nobody's watching, even though they definitely are. I don't focus on any of them. My eyes stay on Gabi as we dance, and she laughs, closing her eyes and moving her hips to the music. I copy her moves, throwing my head back and dancing to the music. I step back and bump into someone. I snap my eyes open. "I'm so sorry." I blurt out, turning around and staring at a chest. I look up, and I'm met with a pair of blue eyes looking down at me as he smiles. "My bad," he says, chuckling. "You were lost in the music. I should have known better." "Yeah," I say, laughing nervously. "I wasn't paying attention." "I was," he says. "And you're stunning." My face drops. I turn my head to the side, see Gabriella smirking at me, and then turn back to the guy. He's cute. Tall, light brown hair, blue eyes. But he's not Grayson. The way he calls me stunning does nothing to me. It's nothing compared to how Grayson looks at me or calls me angel. I give him a smile. "Oh, thanks," I say. "No worries," he says with a chuckle, flashing his smile. "Wanna get a drink?" "Uh... I'm with a friend, so..." I turn to Gabi, and she nods, mouthing 'go.' I sigh and turn back to the guy, who's waiting for an answer. "On second thought, I'd love a drink." He grins and leads us to the bar. Aiden sees me once again, and his eyes travel from me to the guy, his brows furrowed, but I look away from him and turn to the guy beside me. "I'm Rosalie, by the way," I tell him, sitting on the stool. He smiles again, his pure white teeth flashing at me. "Andrew," he says. "What would you like to drink?" "A margarita is fine." Everything reminds me of Grayson. The first time he brought me here and bought me a drink. A margarita. He let me get drunk and carried me home. God, I miss him. He nods and turns to Aiden, who I'm avoiding glancing at. "A margarita for the girl and a scotch on the rocks for me."I see from my peripheral Aiden dipping his chin and moving away to make the drinks, sliding them over to us when he's done. He doesn't say a word, which I appreciate. It might be a little too early to move on, but I have to try. I don't need to kiss him or even like him. I just need to talk to other guys. "Thank you," I say, taking a sip of my drink as ice sloshes around in his. "My pleasure," he says, grinning and looking down my body. What do I even say to him? Do we have to do small talk? God, I hate small talk. It was so easy speaking to Grayson. I didn't have any first-date jitters. I never felt like I ever had to impress him. I didn't have anything to be scared of. He always made me feel comfortable and like there was nothing to be ashamed of. So why can't I talk to this guy? We sit in silence as we sip our drinks, and I try to think of what I can talk to him about. But before I can open my mouth, he stands from the stool and holds out his hand. "Will you dance with me?" he asks. "Uh..." He shakes his head. "I couldn't keep my eyes off you earlier, and I'd love to be the person you were dancing with instead." That sounds almost... sweet. I nod. At least dancing doesn't warrant talking. "Sure. I'd love to." I say, taking a final sip of my drink and standing up, taking his hand. The music changes to a slow song as we head to the middle of the bar, and he puts his hands on my waist. I drift mine up to his neck, giving him a tight-lipped smile. This feels so wrong. It shouldn't be his skin under my hands. It shouldn't be his neck I'm holding on to. It shouldn't be his hands on my waist. But I lean in, dropping my head on his shoulder as he tightens his hold on me. I close my eyes, imagining it's Grayson. My friends probably wouldn't approve of that, but it's the only way I can stomach being here right now. I imagine it's Grayson's hands on me, I imagine it's his neck I'm holding onto, I imagine it's his dark hair that I tangle my fingers in, I imagine it's his dark eyes I'm looking into. Oh shit. It is.My eyes are staring into Grayson's. I'm looking at Grayson. He's staring back at me with his jaw clenched, and his eyes are darkened, fire burning in them. I gulp and hold onto Andrew as we continue staring at each other, none of us daring to break eye contact. Why is he looking at me? Why is he here? Is he going to pick some girl up and bring her back to his bed? The bed where he took my virginity. The bed where we slept together. The bed where I wrapped my arms around him. No way. I spin us so I'm no longer staring at Grayson, and I continue dancing with Andrew