Never Have I Ever- STEPHANIE ALVES

A Deal's A Deal (Rosalie)

 "What do you mean you can't do it?" I narrow my eyes at him, but he's not meeting my eyes. His head is down, eyes locked on the paper still in his hands. My face heats up, my body flushing with heat at the thought of him staring at that list, knowing he just rejected me. He finally meets my eyes, and his brows knot together as he sighs and drops his head again, shaking it. "I'm sorry. I just can't." I don't get it. I thought he would have no issue with it. He's done everything on this list, so why can't he help me do the same? "But... why?" I ask. He doesn't answer. He doesn't even look at me while he takes out a pack of cigarettes and lights one up. I stare dumbfoundedly at him, watching as he brings the lit cigarette to his lips, inhales, and then turns his head to the side and blows the smoke out. He's avoiding the question. Avoiding looking at me. I don't understand. From what I've heard about him, he doesn't care about anything, let alone have morals, so why is he rejecting me? Unless... "Oh," I say. "Are you not..." I breathe out a nervous laugh. "Are you not attracted to me?" This finally gets his attention, making his head snap up, his narrowed eyes on mine as he stares at my face, frozen in place. "What?" he asks.I take a step back, feeling my whole body shiver as embarrassment floods me. I don't know why I just assumed he'd be up for it. "I didn't think," I whisper, wanting to slap myself for coming up with this yesterday. "I just assumed. If you're not attracted to me, it's fine. I'm sorry for bothering you," I mumble, turning on my heels and rushing away. "Wait." I don't. I can't. I know my face must be all blotchy and red by now. I walk faster, my feet barely hitting the ground as I reach for the gate. "Rosalie. Wait." My hand stills on the metal gate. I slowly look behind my shoulder, seeing Grayson standing behind me. "You know my name?" I ask. He nods, gesturing with his head to the house. "Aiden." "Right." He blows out a breath, starting to shake his head again before I can even say anything. "Rosalie," he husks out. "Look at me." I slowly lift my eyes until they meet his. "It's not that I'm not attracted to you," he says, taking a step closer to me. Strands of his black hair fall onto his face as his dark eyes look down at me. "I am." I suck in a breath. He is? "Then why won't you help me?" He lifts his head, his eyes closing as he runs a hand through his hair, looking exasperated. Realization dawns on me. "Was that your girlfriend?" I ask him. From what I've heard about him, Grayson doesn't do the girlfriend thing. It seems like he's a hook-up kind of guy, perfect for what I'm asking for. "No," he says. "I don't have a girlfriend. I just... This doesn't seem like it's you." I narrow my eyes at him. "You don't even know me." This is the first conversation we're having. He just learned my name less than ten minutes ago, and now he thinks he knows who I am? "Well? Am I wrong?" I let my eyes fall, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth. "No," I whisper. He's not wrong. This isn't me. But that's exactly why I want to do this. I don't even know who I am anymore. I need this. "Then why do you want to change that?" he asks. A sigh escapes my lips as I think about everything I wrote on the list he's got in his pocket. "I feel like I don't belong," I tell him. "I feel... left out.Like I'm not in on this huge joke. Everyone our age has done these." "It doesn't mean you have to," he replies. "I want to," I say, lifting my head to look at him. His brow raises in questioning. "Do you?" he asks. "Because if you're just trying to prove it to someone—" "This isn't about anyone else. I want to prove it to myself." "Prove what?" he asks, furrowing his brows, "That I'm more than this. That I can be like everyone else," I say, shrugging. "I want to do what I want for a change instead of doing what my mother expects of me." "And what does this list have anything to do with that?" "I want more, Grayson," I tell him, loving how the side of his lips lift in a small smirk at the sound of me saying his name. "I want to get drunk, go to parties, have some fun and danger for once in my life. I've missed out on so much that normal teenagers do, and I don't want to miss out on anymore. I want my college life to be as eventful as I can make it before I'm forced to marry a rich husband and have kids that will be raised by maids." I let out a breath, letting go of everything I've kept inside. Everything I wanted to say. He blinks, staring back at me for a while. "That's what this is about?" he asks. "Yeah." He's gone back to being quiet. I don't know what he's about to say, but I have a feeling he's going to say no again. I regret coming here. Making that list and spilling my guts to a stranger was a mistake. I don't know what else I can say to convince him. How can I get him to agree? "I can pay you," I blurt out. He raises an eyebrow. "I'm not a prostitute." I clamp my mouth shut. Jesus, I'm a trainwreck today. "I... I know it's just." I sigh, shaking my head. "I'm sorry. I know there's nothing in it for you, and you don't even know me, so why would you possibly—" "I'll help you." My eyes widen. "You will?" "This might be a mistake," he says with a smirk. "But I'll help you." I can't help my face heating up as a smile spreads across my face. He smiles too, but then it drifts as he sighs. "But." "But?" I ask him warily."No sex." "What?" "I'm sorry," he says, shaking his head. "I can't do that. It would be like taking advantage of you." I erupt into laughter. "Taking advantage? I'm asking you." I'm practically begging him to do everything on that list. "Yes. But you're naïve. You don't know any better." My face drops as I take a step back from him. "I'm not naïve." "Shit. Rosie," he says, closing the distance between us again. "I didn't mean... I don't want you to sleep with someone just to check it off and toss it as an experiment. You should do that when you're ready. You should wait until there's someone you trust and like, not just ask the first guy you see just because you think he'll do anything without a second thought." A frown forms on my face. "I'm sorry," I whisper. I thought he'd be up for it. I never actually thought he'd care about my feelings in all of this. "I thought—" "I know." He nods. "I get it. But that doesn't mean I'll do it. Those are my terms," he says. "I'll help you with all of the other stuff you want to do." He'll help me. Even if he won't do everything, he'll help me. "Okay," I say. "I accept." A small smile appears on his face. "Do you have your phone with you?" he asks. "Yeah, why?" "I'm kind of going to need your number if we're going to be seeing each other for these... lessons," he says, his lips upturning at the last word. I guess he's like my life coach. "Oh, right," I say, handing him my phone. He puts his number in my phone and then reaches for his phone, putting my number into his. Then, hands it back to me, my fingers brush his, and I love the feel of it. They're rough and feel completely different than my soft hands. I wonder what his hands would feel like on other parts of my body. I know now that will never happen, but it doesn't hurt to imagine it. "Thank you. For helping me." He smirks. "No problem, angel." My breath hitches. Angel. He called me that before. I loved hearing it.I reach for the gate and make my way out. I have no idea when I'll see Grayson again, but I can't wait. I wonder what he's going to teach me first, what we'll do. My phone rings from my bag, and I pause. I reach for my phone, and my smile drifts when I see the name flash on my screen. I pick it up and bring it to my ear. "Yes, mom?" "Rosalie," she snaps. "That is not how you answer the phone." I sigh. "Sorry. Hello, mother." I roll my eyes. "That's better. I've been running all day with Tilly trying to get this event planned. How have you been, still being a college girl?" she says those last words like it's all a joke to her. My mother didn't go to college. She got married straight out of high school and moved in with my father at eighteen. "I'm good," I tell her. "Busy with classes." "Hmm," she mumbles on the other end of the phone. She probably didn't even hear what I said. "I spoke to Beth last week; you remember Beth, right?" I want to say no, but I can't because she doesn't let me answer. "Well, she said her son is about your age, and he's single." I sigh. "Mom, please stop trying to set me up with people." "A young lady needs a husband. When I was your age, I was already engaged." Always the same story. I should mention that, before this, she had never allowed me to date or have a life of my own. "Mom, I've got to go to class," I say. I wish I could talk to my mom about something else. I'm sick of hearing her talk about marriage and how much of a mistake I'm making by deciding to be my own woman and attending college. She hums disapprovingly. "Are you sure this is what you want?" she asks me. "You could drop out, and we'd reimburse you for the tuition you paid without so much as even asking us first," she spits out. My mother hates that I'm straying away from the life she wants for me. I shouldn't have to ask her anyway. It was the money they happily gave me, so it's my choice to do with it what I want. "Mom, I don't need your money," I tell her. "I've got to go." "Wait, Rosalie. I still need to talk to you." "What about?" I ask skeptically."The event I'm planning. We're having a charity event on Saturday, and I'm expecting you to come." I snap my eyes closed. I don't want to attend another gala which is nothing more than a cesspool of people fighting over how much money they have. I want to be done with that life, those people. "Mom. I told you—" "It's on a Saturday," she interrupts. "There's no reason for you not to come." I sigh. I know I've lost this battle. "I'll think about it." "You will come, or I will fly out there and drag you back myself." Heat rises to my face. She's still treating me like a child. "I'm eighteen," I tell her. "I'm an adult." She laughs. "You are a naïve child, and I am your mother. I know what's best for you." That word. Naïve. Grayson called me that before, and now my mother. Does everyone around me think I'm foolish and immature? "And marrying someone I've never met is the best for me?" "He's a hotel owner and ready to settle down with a woman. It offers you security, Rosalie. Financial freedom." Money. It always comes down to money. "Even if I don't love him?" I ask. "You haven't even met him yet. He's not your only choice. There are plenty of eligible men that will be here next weekend. You can change your mind." That's what she ultimately wants. She wants me to change my mind about my wants and desires and instead live her life. "Fine. I'll go," I concede. "I've got to go now. Bye, Mom." "Okay, I expect to see you here this weekend." I sigh as I hang up the phone. Another event that I'm being forced to attend. I can't escape it, or this life. I thought being eighteen and going to college meant I could finally get my mother off my back, but that's not the case. The only thing that makes me feel a little better about this situation is the thought of seeing Grayson again