Never Have I Ever- STEPHANIE ALVES

What Did She Just Say? (Grayson)

 The chair scrapes against the floor when I take a seat at the island. The delicious smell seeping into my nose as soon as I enter the kitchen. "What you making?" I ask Aiden. He turns and faces me, laughing as he shakes his head. "It's almost two in the afternoon. Did you just wake up?" I shrug. "I was tired." The lie rolls out of my mouth so easily. I barely slept, I tossed and turned all night, unable to shut my brain off. My uncle was my father. Everything I knew was a lie. I still can't wrap my brain around it. I can't get over the betrayal. I'm on my own now. I have no one. I couldn't even get out of bed long enough to go to class yesterday, so sue me for wanting to stay in bed all day on the weekend. What I really want to do is go to Rosie's again. That night, I slept like a baby with her arms wrapped around me and her head tucked into my chest. I can't sleep without her. I could go over there, but it doesn't seem like she wants to see me anymore. She isn't answering my calls. I thought I made my feelings clear last time. I want to keep seeing her, but apparently, she doesn't want the same. It was a dumb thing to tell her what happened. She doesn't care about my life or any of that stuff. She got what she wanted from me and is done with me. She deserves someone better,someone nice, someone that will treat her well and make her the center of their world. God, I wish I could be that someone. I think I could make her really happy. "Smells good," I tell him, grinning when he pulls out a bowl and fills it with his mac and cheese, sliding it over to me. I don't know where the hell he learned it from, but dude can cook. "Where did you learn to cook?" I ask him while shoving a spoonful into my mouth. He fills another bowl for himself and sits on the other end of the island. "Myself," he says, digging into the food. I don't push him on the subject. Everything Aiden has told me about his life was on his terms, whenever he wanted to tell me. So I stay silent and enjoy the food. I feel for the guy. I want to make sure that he's okay, but he clams up whenever I ask, so I let it go. My phone lights up with a notification from my bank, and I inwardly groan. What now? I drop my spoon when I open up the app, seeing $50,000 has been added to my account. What the fuck? I lift myself off the stool, staring at my phone, wondering where the hell the money came from. "You good?" Aiden asks. I don't bother looking at him. I see the payment came from New York, and I narrow my eyes, heading out outside and calling her. She picks up on the second ring. "Grayson. Honey, it's so nice to hear from you." "What the hell, mom?" There's a pause. "Grayson? Is everything okay?" she asks. "Why?" "Honey, what's wrong?" Is she trying to play it off like she didn't do this? "Is it some sort of bribe or something?" I ask her. "I don't need your money." "Honey, what money? What's going on?" she asks in a panicked voice. "The money you deposited into my account. 50 grand, mom, really?" "Grayson, I didn't put any money in your account. I have no idea what you're talking about." I still, my brows furrowing. She wouldn't lie about this. She'd have no reason to. "You didn't send the money?""No," she says. "Grayson, 50 thousand is a lot. What have you gotten yourself into?" she's quiet for a second, and then her voice cracks. "Are you doing drugs?" I close my eyes, groaning. "No, mom. I told you I've never done drugs. Do you not know me?" I have never once touched the stuff. When I saw what it did to my uncle and how it ended his life, I never wanted to touch them. I remember Rosie asking me for drugs and how I wanted to tell her what had happened. I didn't want the same thing to happen to her. When I walked in on her paranoid and hyperventilating, it was like it was happening all over again, and I couldn't stop it. The thought of losing her almost crippled me. I couldn't get off the floor when I saw her curled up there, needing me and begging me to help her. "Honestly, Grayson, I don't. You changed after what happened." "Can you blame me? I let him die, mom." This was the first time we have talked since dinner last week. I think knowing he was my father makes me want to talk about him. "I don't blame you, honey. I blame myself." I freeze, my eyebrows scrunching. "What do you mean?" She's quiet for a second, but then I hear a sniffle. "I always wondered if what happened between us... He was a good man, Grayson, you know that. But the drugs, the drinking... I wonder if it was because of me." "Mom," I say, shaking my head as I hear the words come out of her mouth. "No. You can't blame yourself. Uncle Gary loved you, he never said a bad word about you. He was just... he needed help, mom. I should have helped him. I should have done more." "You did everything you could for him, honey," she says, her voice cracking. "Not enough." I could have done more. I could have done... something. She sighs. "I should have never kept this secret from you. I'm so sorry for doing that to you." I swallow, about to say the words I never thought I'd say. "Did you love him?" I don't have to say which 'him' I mean. She knows. "Yes," she breathes out. "I loved Gary so much. But ultimately, I was married to your dad. I didn't want to change that." He's not my dad. My dad is dead."But I'm done with that," she says. "What do you mean?" "I'm divorcing him, honey," she tells me. "I always thought I was doing the right thing. Staying with him to give you a family. I wanted him to treat you like a son. But he never did. And now that you know the truth, there's no reason to keep pretending anymore. I should have never subjected you to a lifetime with that man, knowing he would never love you like a father should love his child." My throat clams up, a tight feeling in my chest. "Mom?" "Yes, Grayson?" "I'm sorry." "For what, honey?" I blow out a breath, wishing I had a cigarette right now. "For being a disappointment." She sighs. "Don't believe those words Frank told you. You were never a disappointment to me. You're my son. I love you, Grayson." Fuck. I feel the tears start to rise, so I clear my throat. "Yeah. Listen, I've got to go." I hang up, blinking away the wetness in my eyes, and focus on my phone. If it wasn't my mother, then who the fuck sent me that money. I call my bank, waiting for the music to end and for someone to pick up the phone. Finally, the line picks up. "Hello, this is Mary speaking at National Bank. How may I help you today." "Hi, this is Grayson Livingston. I recently received a deposit, and I'm wondering who sent it. I can't see the sender." "One second, let me check that for you." A pause and the sounds of a keyboard clicking echoes on the other end. "Yes, it was sent anonymously." I curse silently. "Can you just tell me who it was?" "I'm sorry, sir, we can't discuss other customers' details," she says. "I don't want details, I just want a name. I want to uh... thank them." "Let me see what I can do for you." Another pause and more keyboard clicks, and then she clears her throat. "Okay, I have here on record that a Miss Rosalie Whitton deposited the money into your account. Does that help, sir?" What the fuck?"Yes, thank you," I say as I hang up the phone. Rosie? Why the hell would Rosie send me money? I walk back into the house, grab the keys from the counter, and head out of there. I don't care if she doesn't want to see me anymore. I at least deserve a reason for giving me money. Is this a parting gift? I race to her house, barely stopping the car before I step out of it, seeing her stand outside her apartment building, looking so beautiful in a white dress. My favorite. Fuck. She lifts her head and smiles when she sees me. Her smile is so wide, making me forget why I'm here in the first place. I can't help but get weak when I see that smile that makes me want to pull her into me and kiss her, but I'm mad at her right now. "What the hell, Rosie?" Her smile disappears, and a frown replaces it, and I instantly want to kick myself for removing that beautiful smile from her face. "Grayson?" she asks, frowning as I step closer to her. "Why?" I ask. "Why what?" "I know it was you that deposited the money into my account. I want to know why." She narrows her eyes. "I told them I wanted to remain anonymous." "What the fuck is going on? Is this a repayment for taking your virginity? I banged you good, so you pay me? I'm not a prostitute," I snap. Her eyes widen, and she steps back. "No, I just..." "You what? What the fuck was that for?" "I wanted to help you." "Help me?" I repeat. "Yes. You needed money. I had some, so I helped you." I laugh bitterly. "I don't want your daddy's money, princess. I didn't need your help, and I never asked for it. You came to me asking me to make you the complete opposite of who you are, remember? I don't need to be your charity case." Her lip trembles, and I clench my jaw, fisting my hands to avoid pulling her into me. "I don't need you. I don't need a needy girl wanting to cling onto me like a wet dog," I say, reciting Aiden's words.I don't know why I'm doing this, why I'm hurting her. Why I'm saying these things I don't mean. Maybe it's the sleep deprivation, but whatever it is, I'm being a complete asshole to her right now, and I know it. I don't want to hurt her, even if I'm mad that she did this without asking me first, without realizing that I'd hate for her to give me her money, I can't hurt her. "I didn't cling to you," she says, her voice breaking. Oh fuck, don't do this to me. I might break if I see her cry. I want to take it all back. I didn't mean a single word that escaped my mouth. "Why, Rosie?" I ask her, my voice softening. She looks down at the ground and shakes her head. "Why?" I ask her again. "Because I love you!" she yells, lifting her head in time for me to see a tear fall down her cheek. I flinch backwards. What the fuck did she just say?