Isadora-Tnn

17. A year of hell

One month.
Mia had been there one month. Despite the opportunity to take up her photography, Mia absolutely hated it. Reece and Autumn had been texting and calling as much as possible and it did make Mia feel a little less alone, but of course then came the guilt of what she was hiding from them. She hated it.

Two months.
It didn't seem to be getting better for Mia. All she wanted was to see Reece and Autumn again, hear their voices. But on every call and FaceTime it just hurt knowing what she was doing. So she had stopped calling but continued to text them when she could.

Mia had also found herself writing more. It brought her some sort of comfort, to let out what she had to say.

'It's been three months since I came here and I've now had my first scan picture, the first ever picture of my baby. I keep it close to me constantly but I feel horrible. I'm a horrible person. Every time I look at it or hold my belly I just feel sick. This was my baby, my child and I'm growing her. But I can't watch him or her grow up. I can't be their mum.
But it's for the best, right?'

'Four months in and I'm starting to show the smallest little bump. I had forced myself to drift away from Reecey and Autumn which makes me feel even more awful. But I'm now starting to feel this pregnancy more, the sickness has pretty much died down but I do get some heartburn, my midwife says it's normal'

'I found out the gender today, it's a girl. A little baby girl. I wonder what she'll look like, I hope she has my eyes. They are the only thing I actually like about myself. I've been feeling really faint and dizzy recently and I passed out the other day. I just feel horrible all the time and I don't know if it's the pregnancy or something else. I just want to go home'

'Six months in now and I'm getting worse every day. I hate this. I'm always hot and feeling faint and tired. And I get the worse headaches. The midwife says it's normal at this stage but I don't know. It's not all physical pain either, it's in my head. I miss Reecey and Autumn and I just want to go home. But I felt the baby kick today, that was strange but also felt kind of nice. I don't know it's just like a special moment I suppose. But it kills me that I won't be able to have more moments like this. I can't help but wonder if this whole thing was a mistake'

'Seven months and I completely popped, the heartburn is horrible and back ache makes me feel like an old woman. But it's nothing compared to the loneliness. The pain in my head. I miss Reece. I miss Autumn. I even miss my mum'

Eight months of hell, if only Mia knew it was about to get worse.

It was night when Mia had woken up in pain once again, but this pain was worse than any other pain she had felt. This was her first contraction.

She didn't know at the time as her waters hadn't broken, yet she still called her midwife and within the next two hours she was in a hospital bed.

The pains got worse and worse and Mia became even more stressed which didn't help. She was 3 weeks away from her due date and the baby shouldn't be this early. But much like her mother, she had a mind of her own.

Hours of torture slowly dragged out before Mia heard the small cry. She panted and tried to regain her breath as she felt the relief wash over her. And all of a sudden the most perfect tiny bundle was placed in her arms.

Mia looks down at the baby before her. Her baby. At that moment everything changed for her. This wasn't right. She couldn't do this. She couldn't give her away to strangers. But before she could even say a word, she was ripped from Mia's arms.
"No wait!" The woman ignored her and carried the baby away.

Nothing in the world could make that moment any less painful. Mia knew what she had done and she knew it was the biggest mistake of her life. She laid there helplessly while she watched her baby be taken out of that room, never for her to see again.