Nicholas and I's relationship is no sunshine and rainbows; far from it, actually. Most of our days consist of us screaming and fighting. Him getting filled with rage and anger. He always takes his anger out on me. Emotionally, verbally, mentally, and the worse physically. I go to bed at night thinking what I did to deserve this. I know I can always leave but it's hard. I live in fear of what would happen to me if I did. Would Nick try to find me? Would he kill me?
The thing is, our relationship, in the beginning, didn't use to be like this...at all. We were everyone's relationships dream come true. Nick was the dream guy every girl wanted. He was perfect. Always showed me love and made me feel worthy. But I soon released that this kind persona Nick had wasn't going to last for long. We soon started getting in arguments and that's when I noticed how bad his anger issues actually were. We were in the eye of the public, so we still had to put up a united front. We had to act like the fun loving couple we used to be.
To everyone else, Nick was perfect. The ideal man. But Nick had a way of captivating everyone around him, his charm and laughter filling up any room he walked into. What people failed to realize is that charm had its own dark shadow, and I saw sides of him that no one else could. The pain he inflicted—cutting words, moments of control disguised as love, and the constant feeling of walking on eggshells—had left scars that still ached.
Days were I would come home from work tired and depressed, that's when I needed Nick to greet me in a loving hug. That's what he would do in the beginning but not now. I arrive home seeing Nick in the living room. When he notices that I am present his expression changes from nonchalant to frustration.
"Where the hell have you been!?" he ask pausing the football game on TV, getting up off the couch to walk over to me.
"I told you, I had to work later today because Veronica couldn't make it." I explain.
"Oh yeah sure or you were out cheating on me!" Nick says. Nick has always had a jealous side.
"Cheating on you!? You think I have time to cheat on you with all this work I'm having to do! It would never even cross my mind to cheat on you anyways. I love you, Nick." I say, looking at him in his eyes, as my hand slightly holds the side of his face.
"Good, because if you did cheat on me, there will be consequences." he says making me scared at his words.
"Consequences? Nick I'm not a child. It's not like you're gonna ground me." I say.
"Oh I would do far worse." he says with a psychotic expression on his face, as he cups the side of my face in his hands.
"Nick, you're scaring me." I say as his hands make there way to my neck.
"If you cheat on me...I will kill you." he says, now chocking me.
"Nick...stop...l-let go...I can't...breathe." I say, struggling to get words out because Nick has a tight grip on my throat.
"Are you ever gonna cheat on me!?" he ask, his hands still gripping my neck.
"N-No." I say.
"Cause who do you belong to?" he ask.
"You." I say.
"And?" he ask.
"I love...you." I breathe out, his grip not being as tight.
"And I love you." he says kissing me and he finally lets go of my neck.
I let out a deep breath as I look at him, my eyes glossy.
He walks back to the couch and I stand there, my soul feels like it has left my body. I don't feel real. It's like i'm his pillow that he screams and hits at when a child is angry with their parents.
