A/N: Nicholas is Lyle. Think of this as an episode from Monsters. Also this is inspired by the lyrics from Billie Eilish song "Watch" for the purpose of this and the fact that Lyle went to prison in the 90s, think that this song came out during that time.
You sit across from Lyle Menendez in the cold, sterile visiting room, the echo of Billie Eilish's lyrics from Watch looping in your mind, a painful soundtrack to this moment. I'll sit and watch your car burn, with the fire that you started in me. There's a hollowness in his eyes, an emptiness that wasn't there before. It feels as if he's slipping further away, piece by piece, every time you visit. The boy you once knew, the one who used to laugh easily, who'd drive you around Beverly Hills with music blaring, feels like a ghost—lost in the person sitting before you, marked by secrets and scars.
The silence between you feels heavy, like a weight pressing down on your chest. His hands are folded tightly on the table, knuckles white, and he won't quite meet your gaze. He's holding everything in, like he always does, like he doesn't deserve to be heard or seen. But you're not here to let him hide. Even after everything, you still want to understand, to see him for who he is now, not just for what he's done.
"Lyle," you begin softly, leaning forward. "Do you even know what you've become?"
Your question hangs in the air, unanswered, as he lets out a hollow laugh that's barely a sound at all. His eyes finally flicker up to meet yours, and for a second, there's a glint of the boy you remember, the one who loved fiercely, who'd have done anything for his family, even if his parents treated him like shit, even if it led him down this path
"I don't know," he says, his voice breaking. "I don't even know who I am anymore." He looks away, as if he can't stand for you to see him like this, broken and raw. The words hang heavy between you, more honest than anything he's said before.
Your heart aches, the lyrics echoing louder in your mind, Gave you every piece of me, no wonder it's missing. You had poured so much of yourself into him, into believing in him, and now, standing on this side of his choices, you wonder if there's anything left. But it's still there—that fire he started in you, a part of you that can't walk away, even if you want to. Even if you know you should.
"Do you regret it?" you ask, your voice barely above a whisper. You don't even know if you want to hear his answer, if it will hurt more to know that he does, or that he doesn't.
His gaze snaps back to you, something desperate and aching in his eyes. "Every day," he says, voice tight. "I can't change it. I can't take it back. But... I can't let go of it either. It's like it's all I am now."
Your fingers itch to reach for him, but you hold back, pressing your hands into your lap. You wish you could bridge the distance between you, but this chasm feels too wide, too deep. You lean back, trying to steady your breathing, as the line If we were meant to be, we would have been by now swirls in your mind, carrying a painful truth.
"Lyle...," you say slowly, choosing each word with care. "Do you realize what you're losing? The pieces of yourself, of the life you could have had... the life we could have had?"
He looks at you, and in his eyes, you see a hint of that old fire, dimmed but not entirely gone. His jaw clenches as he swallows hard, struggling with words that won't come. He's caught, tangled in the consequences of his choices, and you can see it—he's as much a prisoner in his mind as he is within these walls. "I never wanted to hurt you," he whispers, voice barely holding steady. "I swear, I never meant to."
But the words feel hollow, as if they're echoing back at him. You want to believe him, want to hold onto the person you used to know. But the pain he caused feels as real as the love you shared. And there, between love and pain, you're torn, clinging to the last remnants of what once was.
Taking a deep breath, you look him in the eyes, one last time, and something in you begins to shift, like you're finally letting go of the grip he has on you.
"Lyle," you say, your voice firm but filled with sorrow, "I can't keep burning myself for you." The silence stretches as the truth settles, and you feel the weight lift, just a little. It hurts, more than you thought it would, but somehow it's freeing, too.
He watches you, a flash of desperation in his eyes, but he knows he can't ask you to stay—not after everything. "I'm sorry," he whispers, the words thick with regret. And for the first time, you believe him.
"Hey, it's okay. You can't take back what you did but I know you were only trying to protect Erik." you say.
"I'm sorry I ruined our future. What we could've had. Could've been." he says.
You reach for his hands. "It's okay. I'll always love you." you say, tears welling up in your eyes.
"Don't cry." Lyle says feeling your pain.
"I'm fine. Everything's fine." you say wiping your tears away.
Just then the guard comes out and says you and Lyles 5 minutes are up.
"Bye." you say giving his hands a squeeze.
"Bye." he says. The cop comes to take him away as you stand up. Walking out of the cold metal room.
