The door to your apartment creaked as it opened, and there Nicholas stood, his brows furrowed, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. His normally warm eyes were clouded with confusion and frustration.
"I heard you're leaving," he said bluntly, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him.
You froze mid-pack, holding a sweater in your hands. The suitcase on your bed lay half-filled, a reminder of the life you were about to leave behind. "Yeah," you said softly, turning back to your suitcase, avoiding his gaze.
He stared at you for a long moment, waiting for something more. When you didn't elaborate, his voice sharpened. "And you weren't going to tell me?"
"I—" You faltered, your voice catching in your throat.
"You were just gonna leave? No goodbye? Nothing?" he continued, stepping closer, his tone teetering between anger and hurt.
You finally looked at him, guilt evident in your eyes. "Nick, I—"
"You what?" he interrupted, his voice rising. "You thought it'd be easier? Easier for who? Because it sure as hell isn't easier for me!"
You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes, but you blinked them back, refusing to let them fall. "Don't do this," you said quietly.
"Don't do what?" he shot back, incredulous. "Don't care? Don't want to know why the person I love is about to walk out of my life without even a damn goodbye?"
His words hit you like a punch to the gut, and suddenly the emotions you'd been suppressing came rushing to the surface.
"Because it's too damn hard, okay?" you shouted, your voice cracking under the weight of your feelings.
Nicholas froze, taken aback by your outburst. His expression softened, but he remained silent, waiting for you to continue.
You took a shaky breath, your hands trembling as you clutched the sweater against your chest. "It's too hard to look at you and say goodbye. It's too hard to stand here and tell you how much I'm going to miss you, how much I love you, and then just... walk away like it's nothing."
Nicholas's jaw clenched, his eyes glassy as he took in your words.
You stepped closer to him, your voice growing quieter but no less intense. "You think I don't want to say goodbye? You think I don't want to tell you how much you mean to me? How every moment I've spent with you has been the best of my life? But I can't. Because if I say it—if I say those things out loud—I won't be able to leave."
Tears were falling freely now, but you didn't bother wiping them away. Nicholas stared at you, his chest rising and falling as he struggled to keep his composure.
"And I have to leave," you continued, your voice barely above a whisper. "I have to do this for me, for my future. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It doesn't mean I'm not breaking inside."
Nicholas ran a hand through his hair, turning away from you for a moment as if trying to gather his thoughts. When he turned back, his expression was softer, but no less pained.
"I just..." He exhaled deeply, his voice thick with emotion. "I just don't understand why you couldn't tell me that. Why you couldn't let me in. I deserve that much, don't I?"
You nodded, your heart aching at the truth in his words. "You're right. You do. I just... I didn't know how. Every time I thought about saying goodbye, it felt like someone was ripping my heart out."
Nicholas took a step closer, closing the distance between you. "Do you know how hard it is for me to stand here and watch you go?" he asked, his voice low but filled with raw emotion. "To know that I can't just grab your hand and ask you to stay because that would be selfish?"
