do you believe in god? | $crim

17. if self destruction was an olympic event, i'd be tonya harding

scott

my phone vibrated in my pocket, "ramirez" flashing across the screen.

he was essentially ruby and i's second hand man, typically he would be calling ruby to discuss business. i was less of the planning, number crunching, logical partner between ruby and i.

if shit needed to get done, i got it done. if something was going wrong, they called me.

i accepted his call nonetheless, raising the phone to my ear

"hey, boss" i heard on the other line, i could already tell something wasn't right.

"what's up?" i asked

"the deal is ready to go through. the ship will go out tonight if everything works out. one problem though" he led with the good news, rushing through the final three words.

i clenched my jaw, irritation flaring as i paced
across the kitchen. "what the fuck do you mean, there's a problem?" the words came out sharp, laced with the kind of authority that usually kept things running smooth. ramirez was supposed to handle this, not drag me into complications last-minute.

in my annoyance, waiting for him to explain whatever was going on, my hand slammed down on the marble countertop in frustration.

gab's head shot up fron whatever she was reading on her phone, the device falling from her hand, clattering onto the counter.

"the buyer wants to meet with you in person and see the goods before anything gets shipped off. the only problem being that the buyer is eric. since mk's death he's gone a little more freelance, contracting for other people so it didn't raise any red flags for me immediately but once more things started to go through..."

ramirez's voice turned into background noise for me while i realized what i'd just done to gab.

"yeah, buyer wants to meet that's fine" i stopped listening after the first line, hanging up the call.

"baby, i'm sorry" i rushed over to her, what seemed like a minor action from me had her frozen on the bar stool.

i placed a few soft kisses on the top of her head, she reached for my hand, holding it with both of hers.

"i'm sorry gab, i shouldn't be taking work calls around you like that, i know better" i shook my head at myself.

her fingers tightened around mine as i knelt beside her, her eyes still distant, the shock from the sudden outburst lingering.

i could see she was somewhere else, her face had gone pale as she stared at the countertop. i realized, with a sinking feeling that my sudden outburst had shaken her more than i realized.

i was mentally beating myself up while the weight of my actions hit me. i'd pulled her right back into those memories she was trying so hard to forget.

"i'm sorry baby, i didn't mean to yell. you didn't do anything, it was work, i just lost my temper for a second" i cautiously moved my hand to her back, waiting for her response.

"it's okay" she whispered

"it's not okay gab, i upset you" i sighed, struggling with my own fuck up.

"i'm not upset with you" she said, in the same whisper, still gripping my hand.

"you can be, i messed up baby, i'm sorry" i begged for her forgiveness, even though she said she wasn't upset with me. i felt like a terrible person, my guilt clawing viciously at my insides.

"he just used to yell so much" she said, her voice void of emotion, just speaking into empty space.

as far as business goes, merrick and i were probably more alike than i want to admit. my violent tendencies were rooted deep in me, i yelled, i lost my temper, i was ruthless.