Lost at Sea 3 ⋆ JJ Maybank

𝕭ack to the 𝕺cean (Evil Version)

Spoilers for OBX4

hi everyone. it sounds like i'm very serious when this is literally about fictional character but i am nothing if unable to discern reality from fiction when im sad so . im going to be a CRYBABYYYY yes. mock me <3

in the following parts, you'll see me blissfully unaware of what's to come with OBX4, sooo excited to bring billy and kie together and give kat and jj one last arc!!!!!! well. i'm only keeping it up because i spent time on it and meg did that wonderful cover, but yeah. don't listen to a thing i say after this.

there was always this kind of unspoken rule about Back to the Ocean, at least for me, and my friends, i think. if jj dies, i'm not writing anything. i'm just not. so i'm sorry.

i won't be writing Back to the Ocean. here's the main reason; if jj dies, kat kills herself. that's it. plain and simple.

i don't think it's me exaggerating because oh, but she has john b and henry and the pogues;;; but that is literally it. where you go i go type of thing. if he dies, she dies too. realistically, she'd get her revenge, make sure the pogues are settled, and then kill herself.

jj has always, ALWAYS been kat's entire life. her only thought when she was suicidal was that if jj answered, she wouldn't go through with it. her entire life revolves around him, and i know that's not healthy to say, but kat is complicated. with everything that's happened, everything jj has done for her and everything she has done for him, she cannot picture her life without him. if jj dies, she goes with him. that's what would happen, if i wrote Back to the Ocean.

and i think no one, including myself, wants that.

i'm not here to judge the writing on season 4 (it's shit), i was ONBOARD, fav season since season 1 type of onboard, everyone back together as a family. but i am SO BEYOND TIRED of killing off the character that went through the most for shock value, just as he was beginning to be happy. im literally two for two with dean winchester my eye is TWITCHING. and i've said it before, i won't ever, ever do that to kat. i'd rather i stick to her ending as it is, which can feel incomplete, and i'd rather not write Back to the Ocean than put her through that, i'm SO serious.

bit more technical and not just me whining — now why don't i rewrite it? first of all, BttO was supposed to be split in two parts with season 4 and 5. obviously we can tell which direction they're going with for season 5, and rewriting jjs death would end up halving BttO and make it look ... half baked. i don't want that. i won't be on the long list of works putting out queer representation with 0 depth to it, and especially in the case of lesbians.

i cannot have kies individual plot (that I have to give her btw cause the show forgot again) and billys AND their shared plot, AND the jjkat plot (because there was one) all shoved in season 4. ive been talking with my gf trying to find ways genuinely because she is pushing me but there is none, not because of length, but because of timing and believability on top of just. respecting the characters' personality (for example, kat cannot forgive everyone for leaving her out in a single week). so either i write nothing, or something i do not like. i don't want either, but honestly — i do not want to touch the series, at least not right now.

you guys know how excited i was, and im genuinely so so sad that this is all i can give you, and maybe that's my own fault for feeling stuck and being a big crybaby over a fictional character but well, if you've read about kat, you know how i get when it comes to her. so believe when i say im quite literally so sad about her and billy and the pogues, but i don't think the other option is a good idea for anyone involved.

i might post snippets of what i had planned, if you want to? it's not much, but if it helps with closure, or idk.

i don't think i'll be writing for cupid's chokehold this christmas either, because man, fuck this show i'm so serious.

i think though, that for kat's birthday (december 17th) i'll do another, maybe bigger, epilogue. or maybe later depending on my finals. something with kie and billy getting together, and a fast forward to the future where johnjohn doesn't die and idk, rafe instead (BECAUSE ONG I THOUGHT THEY WERE SETTING THAT UP IM SO MAD). where kat has a phd, sarah and john b have a babygirl they nickname kitkat because she brings them shiny bugs, kie and billy have travelled around the world twice and pope and cleo moved to the mainland for his studies. where jj comes home everynight and kat's painting the beach by the window.

im so sorry. i know this is SO disappointing and it's the last thing i wanted. i was supposed to end Back to the Ocean with all of them at the beach. i'm so sorry.

12/12 UPDATE

One shot book called Anthems for a Sixteen Year-Old Girl out soon tho ...