𝐈𝐍 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐍, ʰᵃʳʳʸ ˢᵗʸˡᵉˢ

• 𝟒𝟏 - 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑢𝑟𝑒

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the heat in rio hit like a wave as soon as we stepped off the plane, and i immediately felt it sink deep into my bones.

underneath normal circumstances, a tour stop here would be exciting, electric even, but right now, i was barely holding it together. between the early pregnancy symptoms—nausea that hit me every morning, exhaustion that came over me without warning—and the demands of our schedule, i felt stretched beyond my limit. but keeping all of it hidden, especially from simon, was maybe the hardest part.

i could already feel the team's eyes on me. the last few days, i'd been slower, just a little more spaced out. i could tell they were starting to notice i wasn't myself, but all i could do was brush it off as jet lag or exhaustion from the endless flights and rehearsals. a few times, i caught harry looking over at me with a quiet, worried look that made my heart twist.

we were both feeling the pressure—me from hiding my symptoms, and him from trying to make sure i was okay without raising suspicions. it felt like we were in this delicate balancing act, both trying to protect each other in our own ways while holding everything together.

today was packed with media obligations, rehearsals, and sound checks, one right after the other, with barely a minute to breathe in between. each time i thought I'd get a second to collect myself, someone else would come in with a list of things we needed to handle.

the constant rushing around was taking its toll. halfway through rehearsal, a wave of nausea hit me out of nowhere. i managed to swallow it down, but my head was spinning, and i had to lean against the wall for a second, trying to look like i was just stretching.

louis walked over, giving me a look. "you good? you look a bit... well, like you're about to fall over," he said, grinning like he always does, but there was a hint of concern in his eyes.

i forced a laugh, waving him off. "Just tired. think i'm still shaking off the flight."

he didn't look convinced, but he nodded, letting it go. still, i could feel his eyes on me, and i knew he'd be watching. the last thing i needed was the team asking questions, so i pushed through, forcing myself to smile, to laugh, to give the crew the energy they wanted to see.

the day dragged on, and by the time we finally got a break, i felt like i could collapse. harry found me sitting on one of the old couches backstage, my head resting on my hands. he didn't say anything at first, just sat down beside me, his arm barely brushing mine. even in silence, his presence felt grounding, like he knew exactly how close to the edge i was without me needing to say a word.

"hey," he said quietly, looking around to make sure no one was within earshot. "how are you holding up?"

i looked over at him, exhausted but grateful. "barely. it's like everything's just... too much right now."

he reached over, squeezing my hand for a second before pulling away, careful not to draw attention. "we'll get through this," he murmured, his eyes soft. "just take a minute whenever you can, alright? i'll cover for you if anyone asks."

it was such a small thing, but his support made all the difference. just having someone who understood, who knew the real reason i was struggling, felt like a lifeline.

i nodded, giving him a weak smile, and for a moment, everything else faded away.

but as soon as i left that quiet space, it was back to reality. simon was waiting, talking to us about the upcoming interview, reminding us how important it was to put on a good front.  i nodded along, barely hearing his words, just focusing on standing upright and looking alert. i felt harry's gaze every so often, as if he was silently reminding me i wasn't alone, but it was hard to keep going.

back on stage for sound check, i started feeling faint again. i'd been chugging water, trying to keep myself from feeling dizzy, but the lights were hot, and the noise was overwhelming.

i took a few breaths, focusing on the music, hoping it would distract me. but the nausea crept in anyway, and it took everything in me to keep from stepping off stage just to get a moment to breathe.

after sound check, we were rushed straight into the press room. camera flashes, reporters firing questions—each one hit like a wave, and i felt myself slipping. harry stayed close, answering the tougher questions for me, deflecting attention whenever he could.

i could feel his support through every little gesture, every careful pause to give me a second to compose myself. it felt like we were in this together, even if no one else could see it.

finally, the day came to an end, and we all headed back to the hotel. i slumped onto the bed, the exhaustion catching up with me in full force. i couldn't help the few tears that escaped, a mix of relief and exhaustion. i barely noticed when harry slipped into my room later, closing the door softly behind him.

he came over, sitting beside me on the bed, his hand resting on my back in a gentle, comforting way. "you did amazing today," he whispered, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. "i know it's hard. i cant imagine how hard. but i'm here, alright? we'll figure this out."

i looked up at him, feeling so much gratitude it was overwhelming. "thank you," i murmured, my voice breaking a little. "i don't know what I'd do without you."

he stayed for a while, just holding my hand, not saying much, but it was enough. just knowing he was there made it all feel a little more bearable.