the brightness fools ( english version )

Chapter five

To be honest, I don't know how long I've been standing here and everything around me disappears. I don't know what to feel because this feels like a bad dream that just doesn't want to end. Exactly two hours ago there was a message that no one wants to receive. A police officer stood at our door and I immediately knew what was coming next.

I didn't hear the whole conversation because when the sentence came, "We're sorry, but we have sad news for you," I knew that my life had been shattered into thousands of pieces twice today. My dad and brother immediately burst into tears but something inside me died. I haven't shed a single tear so far and that scares me. After all the blows of fate, I lost my feelings. Is my body thinking, is it really news to you that you're losing someone or are you really surprised that something bad always happens?

More hours pass and we sit in the hospital waiting to identify Mom. I'm sitting between Tyler and Dad, unconsciously shaking my leg and biting my lip, which is already completely bloody. All the voices around me are silent, I just concentrate on one point in this room and rack my brain about how this could have happened today, how did my mom die. All these questions just make me more nervous.

I feel bad because I'm not there for my last two family members right now I'm absent and don't answer any questions I shake my leg more and more and unconsciously I bite my lip harder and harder until I feel my brother's hand on my leg . He knows exactly how nervous I am right now and how close I am to breaking down. On the other side I see my dad taking a tissue out of his jacket pocket and smearing the blood from my lip while giving me a kiss on the forehead.

"Honey, I know that all of this is hard for you right now. You're welcome to go out to the car and wait for us there or Tyler will take you home, I can do this on my own." Worry after worry is exactly what I don't want anyone to have If I'm worried about it, I'll somehow manage it on my own. I don't want the world to stop just because I have problems. Not only I lost my mother or wife. "No, everything is fine. I just want to see Mom, I just want to see her one more time."

At that moment a few people who led us to Mom finally come to us. Watching her lie there so peacefully feels strange. I try to swallow the lump in my throat but it only gets bigger and bigger the closer I get to Mom. I can't believe she's not here anymore. Yesterday morning we laughed together and now I will never hear her laugh again. All these moments disappeared from one second to the next. The only thought that calms me right now is that Macy has her mom back and Mom has her little mouse.

At that moment everything becomes a little too much for me and I run out of the room. I run as fast as I can until I feel the burning pain in my lungs and start coughing. I'm a few meters away from the hospital now. It's pouring rain and my clothes immediately become heavy from all the rain. But it's good, it feels good to stand here and let out all your sadness.

Several people look at me but only this one person comes up to me and sits next to me in the middle of the rain. Either he had the same shitty day as me or he feels sorry for me here like this. But I know one thing: I just find his closeness beautiful at that moment.

I look at his hands, which are clasped together. His veins are clearly visible and that makes me feel warm inside in the cold. I just hear him clear his throat and look into my eyes. I get goosebumps all over my body, his green eyes are so clear, I get completely lost in them. But I also recognize a lonely soul and many thoughtful looks.

"It's nice to meet someone who also loves sitting here in the rain like an idiot, thinking I was the only one." He smiles slightly at me and I notice his dimples. "I thought I was the only one who liked that, but apparently I found idiots in my soul," I say, crying and laughing.
"Can I be honest, you look pretty shitty" I had to smile and look at him. "Thank you, you don't do much better. I don't know why I'm telling you this now because, firstly, we don't even know each other yet and secondly, I don't know if you might want to kidnap me, but today was a really shitty day and that's putting it nicely. Today is the 5th anniversary of my sister's death plus her birthday, this morning I found out I have lung cancer and I just identified my mother."

Saying all this out loud has freed me. I feel lighter than before, especially saying out loud for the first time that I have cancer. It might have been pretty stupid to give all this information to a stranger, but he feels so trustworthy.
"I'm really sorry and my condolences, I lost my father today, he lost the fight against cancer and I also found out today that my fiancée is having something with one of my employees."

"Thank you for your condolences. My deepest condolences to you too. I'm really sorry for you about your father and your fiancée, but you deserve someone better." I smile slightly at him and get up again after a while because my clothes are starting to get so heavy from the rain. "I think I should go back inside slowly... it was nice meeting you. Maybe we'll see each other again."

"It was also nice to meet you and maybe we'll see each other. I definitely wish you a lot of strength for your chemotherapy. You will do it, you are a strong woman." I notice how my knees are getting weaker and I unconsciously bite my lip. The way he looks in my eyes warms me. I don't know it yet but this will only be the beginning of our journey.

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Hii this was chapter five I hope you like the story so far I would love if you would give me some feedback! And what do you think will happen next? 🫣