the brightness fools ( english version )

Chapter three

TW: ⚠️ mention of puking

It seems like a few minutes have passed since I received the news that I have lung cancer. The doctor keeps trying to bring me back to the here and now but I can't do that right now. As if today wasn't the worst day in my life, I'm still experiencing this today. I think I could have guessed it. Tyler told me everything he learned during his studies and all the symptoms just fit in. Long-lasting cough, shortness of breath with the slightest movement, cold symptoms that don't get better and chest pain. All of this was right in front of my eyes but I still hoped that maybe there would be a miracle and that it was just a stubborn cold that would eventually go away on its own.

But the exact opposite happened. I slowly come to and look straight into my doctor's worried face. "Miss Grace, are you okay? I know a message like this tears the ground from under your feet. But I promise you, you are in the best hands here and we will beat cancer together. We caught it in its early stages, so the chances are very good for you." I totally blocked out half of what the doctor just tried to explain to me because there's only one thing on my mind. "The chemo... I'm getting it, right? When will this start?" The doctor just nods and tries to calm me down. "We will start chemo the day after tomorrow to see whether the tumor in her lungs continues to develop or even weakens again. But most importantly, you need rest. Go home to your family and let them support you."

I just smile slightly because I knew I would keep this news to myself until I could. At the latest when I'm constantly throwing up from the chemo. After further information I was finally able to leave the practice; the air in Los Angeles has never felt so good. It's just the beginning of September and it's starting to get a little cooler. I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore as I sat in the treatment room, my breath was cut off.

Later that day I sat back in my room, after I got out of the office I sat for a while on the beach, where Macy and I always sat, even on the anniversary of her death. I needed to feel like she was with me right now. I just sat there, stared at the waves and thought about her and told her what was going on with me. Later I went back home, where I've been sitting at my table and searching the whole internet for lung cancer. But to be honest, that just made me crazier than I already was. I'm honestly glad that I had these hours to myself because if my parents had been here straight away, when I got home I probably would have burst into tears and collapsed. But now I was able to collect myself a little before I leave my room to go downstairs to the living room.

I put on my smile and ran to my parents, but my smile disappears faster than I thought because behind them is a person that I wanted to see as the last thing today. I cleared my throat and gathered all my courage because I just wanted to cry. "What are you doing here? I told you I needed some time to myself...??"