the brightness fools ( english version )

Chapter six

TW: ⚠️  emetophobia!

It's been a few weeks since my mother died. But these few weeks were a lot of ups and downs. I had my first round of chemo, which completely threw me off track. I'm constantly throwing up, I'm extremely exhausted all the time and I can barely walk because I can't do it anymore after a few meters.

Mom's funeral was exactly 2 days after my first chemotherapy session. I have never felt so helpless and so bad in my life. I sat on the toilet for several hours and vomited. I was happy that I was alone during the time and that my camouflage was still there. I know I should tell my family but they had plenty of other problems at the time.

It's been 6 weeks since the funeral that I've had to spend without my mom and the pain is getting worse so I decided to go to group therapy to talk about it with people who aren't my family. I've never really been the person who wanted to go to therapy but I think this would be the perfect time to try it.

I've been living in my apartment with my fiancé Dylan again for a few weeks now. We've gotten along since my mom died. He understood that I needed him and he was finally there for me. We postponed our wedding to figure out what we really wanted and I'm really grateful for that.

I'm on my way to my kitchen when I see my dad suddenly standing there at the counter and looking at me worriedly. To be honest, I know exactly why he's here. "Dad, what are you doing here, I thought you were in New York for a meeting?"

He just nodded slightly and runs over to me, takes me by the hand and walks with me to the sofa and points to a place there and says "Please sit there." I sat down immediately, I was afraid there was something with Tyler or he has something. "Grace, I want you to be honest with me, what's going on with you lately? "You are hardly at the office anymore, you neglect your work and you sometimes don't answer my messages or calls for days?"

I immediately become a little more nervous because I know he suspects something. I rub my hands together and look out the window. "It's okay Dad... I'm just still struggling with Mom's death. I promise you I will come back to work more regularly and more reliably." He looks at me as he stands up and shakes his head. "Grace darling you have always been a terrible liar so please tell me the truth, what is wrong with you. I am your father, I notice when something is wrong and there is definitely something wrong with you. You look so pale, you have dark circles under your eyes and you barely eat anything."

I get up too and go to the window to think a little. Am I willing to tell him or am I going to make up a lie that is believable. "Dad, you can trust me, I'm fine, okay, I just had a little gastrointestinal illness, I probably ate something wrong and then it knocked me out. You don't need to worry okay?"

He comes up to me and just pulls me into a tight hug and gives me a kiss on the forehead. "I want you to know that you can always come to me and be honest with me. I even insist that you always be honest with me and your brother and especially with yourself." I try to hold back my tears and nod several times.

After a few minutes I'm alone again in my overly large apartment and let my feelings run free. It hurts to lie to my dad like that, but I don't want him to have to worry about me any more than he already does. In the moment of sadness, I hear my cell phone ringing. I completely forgot that I had set an alarm so I wouldn't miss the first session of my therapy session.

I run to my car and drive to therapy. I quickly looked for the room, when I finally got there I just collapsed into a chair and breathed a sigh of relief. The room fills up more and more throughout the entire session I just stare at one point and don't pay any attention to the person sitting in front of me, but the person does. I was totally lost in my thoughts until I noticed someone taking my chin in their hand with two fingers and turning my face towards them so I could look the person in the eyes. Those green eyes look familiar. I've seen them before but I can't remember when.

Only when I hear this rough voice do I realize who is sitting in front of me. The man I was with was sitting on a bench in the pouring rain the day my mother died. I lose myself again in his eyes, which show so much pain and thoughtfulness. I felt his breath on my face and it gives me goosebumps all over my body. I don't know why but it has a certain effect on me.

I don't even notice how long we've been sitting here like this. He still has my chin between his fingers and looks me in the eyes until he starts talking. "When was the last time you really slept?" These words bring me back to the here and now and I move a little to the side. "What makes you think I don't sleep?" This question was obviously idiotic, because anyone who looks at me can tell that I haven't slept much in the last few weeks.

"I see this because I have eyes. You look worn out. I'm guessing that your chemo has started right?" I just nodded slightly and showed with my fingers that I already had 2 sessions behind me. "You're right, I've barely had a wink of sleep in the last week. I'm trying to deal with it on my own all the time but I realize I should slowly tell my family but I haven't found the right time yet."

"There's no right time for that." He tries to say my name until I realize we don't even know what our names are. "Grace... my name is Grace and yours?" He just starts to smile. "Grace is a beautiful name. My name is Miles." "Nice to really meet you Miles. You're right that there's no right time for this, Miles, but I can't cause my family any more worry."

"You're making them so worried Grace, they're just as worried about you as you are about them. I would advise you to tell it as soon as possible, you will realize that it is better to go through this time with help than alone. I know what I'm talking about."

I just look at him and notice how his expression becomes more worried again and he stands up. He pulls me up by my hands and we both walk back to my car together. I was about to unlock my car until I felt two arms around me. Miles turns me to him and hugs me and I didn't know how much I needed that hug right now. His heartbeat calms me down immediately and his scent makes me forget everything for a few seconds. He pulls away after a few seconds and turns to leave. "See you Grace." So I'm alone at my car again.

I put my hands in my jacket pocket and notice a piece of paper that I pull out. I opened it and had to smile when I saw what it said. •Here's my number if you ever need an idiot to sit on a bench with you in the rain.• I put the note back in my pocket and decided to drive to my brother. I think I'm ready to tell him.

After thirty minutes of driving, I park in front of my brother's house. I gather all my courage and run to the entrance. Just a few seconds after the doorbell rings, the door opens and my brother is standing in front of me. He looks very tired and apparently had a night shift behind him at the hospital.

"Oh Tyler, am I coming inappropriately? Did I wake you from your sleep?" He just laughs slightly sleepily and shakes his head. "Everything's fine, come in." He moves aside so I can come into the house. I put my bag on the couch next to me and sit down. "Can I offer you something? Drink something to eat?" I shake my head.

"To be honest, I'm here because I have to discuss something with you." He looks at me questioningly and sits down on the coffee table in front of me so he can look at me closely. He is a doctor and is currently examining me closely.

"What's wrong with you Grace? You haven't contacted me and Dad for a few weeks and all of a sudden you show up here?" I just nod slightly and breathe faster and become more restless. "There's a reason why I'm here... and that reason isn't any nicer. I was diagnosed with lung cancer the day Mom died."

I look closely at Tyler to see how he reacts and I was so afraid of that moment because I know that the moment I said it, the world collapsed again for our entire family.

"Tyler.... Is everything okay...??" I look at him worriedly and I just notice how his face is getting paler and paler.

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Hii this was chapter six I hope you like the story so far I would love if you give me some feedback and how do you think will Tyler react? 🥺