Addicted To You- Billie Eilish Fanfic

pilot

hi lol. i don't even know if anyone is gonna read this but heads up.

 TW: self harm, substance use, violence, thoughts of suicide, attempted suicide.

Rio's pov-

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling as I felt blood drizzle down the side of my arm and an empty pill bottle and half drank alcohol bottle in my hands. Everything was blurry and all I could think was hopefully no one calls the paramedics and if they do hopefully they don't save me this time. I just want to fucking die. Please don't let them save me this time. 

3 months earlier

I stared at my body in the mirror of my bathroom and frowned. My black hair had gotten longer and now rested on my shoulders. The natural darkness around my eyes seemed to have gotten darker in the past few days. And my lips looked uneven.

There's always something wrong with me. Why can't I just be pretty? 

I checked the time on my phone and it read 5:18 pm. Unfortunately, I had agreed to go to a music venue with my best friend Tanya. 

I loved hanging out with her but she was a social butterfly and always attracted big crowds. I didn't like that because I myself am super anti social. But I agreed to go with her because we hadn't hung out in a minute and I did miss her. 

I brushed my hair and walked to my closet to pick out an outfit.  

I chose an all black body suit and put some gray cargo pants over top. I grabbed my grey and black retros and slipped them on my feet careful not to crease them.

I went to the little hole in my mattress and grabbed my small bag of Oxy. I would need this to get through all the social interactions I was gonna have to go through tonight. 

A lot of people think people do drugs to be cool or fit in, but I do them because they help with my anxiety and panic attacks. And because there the only thing that's kept me alive for the past 3 years. 

I sprayed on my Vanilla and Coconut body spray, grabbed my bag and headed outside to walk to Tanya's house and from there we would go to the venue. I texted my mom letting her know where I would be and she texted me back saying stay safe and she had to stay late at work. I barely saw her anymore.

As I walked I looked at the darkening pink sky and sighed. It was so beautiful. I loved walking because it gave me a chance to appreciate nature. I hate walking when I'm high because then I don't get to fully take in everything, but with a clear head its amazing. 

After about a 10 minute walk I arrived at Tanya's house. I heard her mom and dad fighting while I stood at the door and decided to not go in and just let Tanya know I was outside waiting for her. I don't know how Tanya always seems so bubbly and happy even though her parents constantly fought, but I loved her for it. She could always make me smile even at my lowest points.

Five minutes later Tanya came out and hugged me. "I missed you!'' she kissed my cheek and checked out my outfit  '' Come onnnn Rio! A music venue and you dress in something so plainnn??''  I shrugged, ''Not like anyone cares'' Tanya rolled her eyes. 

Tanya was lucky and had her own car so she could drive us there cause if we had to walk no way I was doing it. 

I rolled down my window and let the cold air hit my face while White Ferrari by Frank Ocean played. I tried to just ignore the fact I'd be surrounded by probably a hundred people in little bit and enjoy the present moment. The wind. The music. Tanya. The present moment.