Addicted To You- Billie Eilish Fanfic

no point in living

TW !!- this chapter contains attempted suicide and self harm. readers discretion.

 Rio's pov-

Seeing Billie so sad and upset with me really broke my heart. I never wanted to hurt her I was just fucked up. In so many ways. I didn't deserve to be with her. She deserved someone better. 

I walked home crying and digging my nail on the inside of my arm like I do when I'm nervous. Finally I got home and ran upstairs to my room. I checked my phone to see if Billie texted and she didn't. I tried texting her but the messages wouldn't go through. 

I sat on my bed crying and decided if I couldn't have Billie there was no point in living. Billie was the only person who I wanted to get sober for. The only person who actually put everything aside to help me. 

I texted Jason asking for a bottle of pills because I didn't have anything at my house since I started actually trying to get my shit together. He replied right away with a thumbs up.

time skip-

I sat on my bed with the bottle of pills rolling around in my hand. I got up and walked downstairs going to my moms alcohol cabinet. When I got back up to my room I sat on my bed and checked my phone. Still nothing. The silence in my room was deafening. I missed Billie's laugh or when she would sing to me. I looked on my desk in the corner of my room and saw one of Billie's baseball caps. I started crying again. 

I popped off my phone case and found the little blade on the side of the case. I took it out and pulled up my sleeve. 

"Your not worthy of being loved." I put a cut on my arm and watched the blood spill out.

"You mess up everything." Another cut.

"You broke Billie's heart." A deeper cut.

"Your useless " Another.

"No one wants you around." Another.

"Your a burden." Another. 

My arm stung from the pain but I didn't react. I deserved this pain. I literally fucked up everything. I opened the bottle of pills and saw my phone ring. I almost fell off the bed reaching for it, hoping it was Billie. It was Tanya. I thought about ignoring it but this was the last time I would talk to her. I dried my tears and tried to sound happy. 

"Hey."

"Hey pookie. What are you up to?" I looked down at my arm, the pills in my hand and the bottle of alcohol on the floor. 

"Oh nothing much I'm watching tv, what about you?" I lied.

"I'm bored. Can I come over?" 

I didn't wanna say yes and then her come over and find my dead body so I thought of an excuse. 

"Billie's over right now but you can come later if you want"

"You two are always together I swear. But it's cute, I love it. I'll just harass Jonah then. I love you call me later."

"I love you to Tanya. So much." 

I hung up and set my phone down. I opened the bottle of pills and took four, downing them with the Vodka. I poured a bunch more into my hand and swallowed them washing them down with more alcohol. My throat burned and my eyes were watering but I just kept downing the pills until the empty container rolled out of my hand. I finished off the bottle of Vodka and laid down. My stomach burned but I felt strangely at peace. 

I was finally gonna die. Finally gonna be at peace in the ground. I wouldn't have to fuck anything else up or fuck anyone else over. This was the end.