Not So Poetry

You're Okay.

I kissed him eagerly and held his face in the palm of my hands. His kissing was rough and completely hungry for me. He pinched and squeezed my chest so much that even though I wasn't going to take my shirt off, I still threw my bra across the room. He slowly got on top of me and he kissed my neck as he moved his hips against me. I was gasping and biting my lip to stifle the sound that wanted to come out. I finally took a deep breathe.

"I think I'm ready"

His eyes were scanning my expression.

"Are you sure?"

I gave him a nod and we both turned
around to get the lower half undressed.

"I don't want to look."

I admit as I shield my eyes and he pulls my legs closer. I suddenly felt that rush flow through my body and I took a harsh grab his shoulders. He starts kissing me again and I let out a few noises as I wrap my arms around him. It's passionate. It's nice and comforting. This felt different. It was my choice. I initiated it. It was my very own idea. I gave into the temptations and I let HIM be the one.

"Stop."

I can't breathe. It's getting scary. What if I was wrong? What if this wasn't the right choice? What if he hurts me? What if he decides that this is all im good for? What if he starts expecting it? Fight or Flight. Flight. Run like you couldn't before. Cry and scream like you wanted to before. I start pushing him. Start crying my heart out and letting all the emotions I've been holding in completely spill. I'm crying. I can't think. I'm scared. I can't breathe. It's back. I'm stuck again.

"Hey hey. We are stopping. We stopped. You're okay. You are okay. I wont continue. I'm not going to hurt you."

I finally look back and realize that there is a different person in front of me entirely. Not even the same skin, not even the same eyes. He's completely different. He moves my hair away from my face. He is kind. He didn't continue. I trust him.

"I'm...fine. let's keep going."