Going Blue

Therapy

Betcha thought I was gonna skip this.

Now I'm no therapist and I won't claim to be one unless I actually go through the process to become one, so I apologize if this is a bit or a lot unrealistic.

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"I'm busy Dad." I walked through the Cave while talking on my phone, ignoring the strange looks from my pseudo family who lived here.

"That's what you've been saying for the past two weeks Eve. You need to talk to Dinah at some point about what happened in there."

"No I don't. I'm fine."

"And that right there is how I know that you aren't, in fact, 'fine'." I heard him sigh before laying down and ultimatum, "look, if you don't want to talk to her then fine. But this means that you're benched from all hero activity until you do. Effective immediately."

"WHAT?!?!" I shouted incredulously. "You can't do that!"

"I just did. I already spoke to Batman about this and he agreed. So until you talk to Dinah you're benched young lady. That means: no patrols, no oversight, and no missions. Am I understood?"

"But what about our team building activities?" I asked hopefully.

"Don't get smart with me Eve." I slumped in resignation, knowing if I even thought about going behind Dad's back he'd take both my rings. "Am I understood?"

"Yes sir," I mumbled.

"Okay. Eve, honey, you know I love you. Right?"

"I know Dad. I love you too. Talk to you later." I hung up and slumped onto the couch.

"What was that about?" Z asked.

"That was Dad benching me until I talk to Aunt Dinah about the simulation from almost two months ago. Like give it a rest man."

"You still haven't talked to her about it?" M'gann asked from the kitchen area, looking up from whatever dish she was making.

I shook my head, "no. And I'd rather not. I just want to leave it be and move on."

"Sometimes to move on from something you have to let it heal first," Z's gaze fell to her feet and her eyes gained a forlorn look. "That's one thing I've learned from my own sessions with Dinah."

I glanced at her before dropping my gaze to my own feet, remembering just how many times I've been to see her, and how much progress I had thought I'd made; at least before the simulation. "...en."

"Huh?" Z looked over at me, her confusion obvious.

"517. The number of sessions I've had with Dinah over the better part of the past five years. I thought I had made a lot of progress, but the simulation proved me wrong. So so wrong."

"So tell her. Tell her that what you're doing isn't working so you can try something else," Z pleaded. "Her normal method is working for me but you aren't me. You need something else to help."

I stared at her, easily seeing her concern for me. Looking over my shoulder I could see M'gann shared her feelings. I stared at my feet for a while, weighing my options. I closed my eyes and praying I wouldn't regret my decision whispered, "is she here?"

"She'll meet you in the therapy room in two minutes." I nodded to M'gann and made my way there.

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"Hi," I said as Dinah walked in the room.

"Hello Eve," she responded with a kind smile. "You wanted to talk about something?"

"M'gann filled you in?"

"Only that you wanted to tell me something."

I sighed, "in the simulation, I had a relapse. We were in the Arctic, just outside the Fortress, and I felt so useless having to stay in the bioship because I'm scared of the snow."

"You were traumatized as a seven year old girl," she tried to justify. "That kind of fear doesn't just disappear overnight."

"But we've been at this for years!" I finally looked at her, my tears threatening to spill over. "And I still feel like I'm at square one. I can't drink iced anything, I can't take cold showers, I can't play in snow, I-I can't even watch movies with snow scenes. Home Alone was my favorite movie growing up, and now I can't even glance at it if Kevin is outside!"

".... This isn't the first time you've had a relapse recently is it?" I tried to cover my flinch, but she caught it anyway. "When?"

"Conner and M'gann's Belle Reve mission. I heard Frost was involved and I panicked and hid under my bed at the Manor. I'm not sure but Dick might have brought me out of a panic attack."

"Eve that was months ago. That was a full month before the simulation. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know okay!" I immediately regretted shouting as I saw her hurt look. "I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about Eve. You're an emotional person who has been fighting the same battle for way too long."

"Sometimes I wish I could just forget the whole thing."

"That won't solve the problem Eve. At best that'll just cover it up for a while. You can't heal an injury if you're denying that it's even there."

"That's honestly the only reason that I haven't asked J'onn or M'gann or both to blast my early memories into oblivion. Because I know it won't help."

"Doing something like that would only hurt you in the long run. And I don't think either would consider obliging you for even a second."

"I want to move on. I want to get past this but I don't know how. We've tried so many different ways and nothing has worked."

I looked up as she laid her hand on my knee. "There is one option that we haven't tried yet." I perked up at this, praying this new way might help. "I've actually tried giving it to you as an option before but you weren't ready to even consider trying."

It took me a moment to realize what she was talking about. "No. No way. I'm not going to see her."

"Eve I understand your reluctance, but sometimes facing the source of your trauma is the only way to heal yourself. And in this case that source is Killer Frost." My hands fisted on my thighs as Dinah said her name and my whole body tensed. As she was about to pull back I threw my arms around her neck in a hug as I finally let my tears fall.

"Please don't make me see her Aunt Dinah. Please don't make me."

She softly patted the back of my head and rubbed my back in soothing circles as she whispered to me reassuringly, "no one will make you do anything. The choice is yours alone. It always has been."

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I gotta be honest this one took a left turn that I was not expecting, which I didn't think could happen with I started writing stories, now I expect these twists and turns to appear almost every chapter. This one was supposed to be more about how the simulation went but wound up being about how truly scarred Frost made Eve, which, I hope, is going to lead to quite the shocking reveal in a while. BBFN!