to reason with a killer

To Reason with a Killer

I stepped into the library, the tall bookshelves towering over me. The mountains of knowledge surround me. It was nice, stepping into the calm atmosphere.
"Hello Hazel." the librarian behind me called out. I was stunned for a moment. The beauty of the library encapsulated me.
"Hello Miss Adden, how are you," I said. I wasn't much of a small talker but Miss Adden was alright.
"I'm lovely, you should be able to check out," she paused to look at the notebook on her desk. Moving to the H section, looking for my name "four books." I smiled before beginning to wander the library and feeling sunlight beam onto me from the large windows. As I wandered I admired the small wood carvings on every bookshelf. My eyes caught on one bookshelf covered in carvings of everything you could think of.
I noticed a very large blue and silver book, around a thousand pages. and removed it from the bookshelf.
"The Wonders of Sight, by James Scarrow," The title read. It seemed old, guessing by the dust bunnies on it. But it seemed interesting. I flipped to the table of contents and read the chapters one by one. It seemed nice.
I began to walk to a small glass table nearby. It drew my attention from the majestic stained glass window above it and grandfather clock centered in it. The colors bounced off the table to create a stunning light show. I sat against a bookshelf and opened the book to the first page.
As I began to read the book I slowly felt myself becoming immersed in the overflowing knowledge in the book. flipping through the pages like a bolt of lightning. As the chapters went from one to five, nine to thirteen, twenty-four to thirty. I noticed myself reaching the last chapter of the book. I didn't hesitate and continued reading until I reached the end.
Once I closed the book I yawned
I'd better get home. It will probably get dark soon. I thought to myself. I looked up, expecting to see the shimmering sun through the stained glass window. But instead I saw stars. I not only saw stars but I also saw the void of night. I looked down to see a pale white hue that was shimmering down from the stars above me. I felt a divine feeling of peace from the stars. In the light I was so calm. Until I heard a loud tapping and suddenly a loud noise, this turned my attention from the stars to the noise. I turned to the side seeing the clock next to me displaying that it was midnight.
A wave of somberness quickly overshadowed the sense of calm that rose onto me. Something wasn't right, whether it was the ambiance of nightfall or something more sinister, I could not tell. I lifted myself to my feet being engulfed by the light like a spotlight. Even though the air was still dark and unnerving. The stars still brought peace and comfort. As I turned to my side to adjust to the dark library. I noticed the dark corridor of shelves. It terrified me. I didn't know why. I had never been afraid of the dark before, I didn't get scared easily. but the way the darkness covered something I loved, made me alarmed.
I tried to walk out to the books. But I was unable, I didn't know what to do. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't bring myself to step into the darkness. Convincing myself would turn me into darkness, withering me away. All I could do was stay in the spotlight of the window. As I stood I became even more scared, like I was in the middle of the ocean alone. Every time I tried to walk to the door my body would tense up and I would become lightheaded. My mind was racing as I thought of possible solutions. Until I was about to step. I mustered up enough courage to take a step. But once I placed my foot down I heard a light noise. It was loud enough to hear. But quiet enough so that only someone petrified by fear could hear. It sounded as if someone was walking over small glass shards.
My mind instantly cleared, trying to focus on the noise. As they stood there helplessly I was nervous and confused. I whipped my head around to make out the side of a person at the other end of an aisle of books. It moved quickly, only allowing me to see it for a second, but I knew it was a person. fear and panic clouded my mind once again. I knew I was in here with someone, but I didn't know if they knew I was there with them. The ominous feeling I felt when I fell out of the comfort of the light was only getting stronger. I took a deep breath and moved out of the light in fear.
I began to walk. I knew the library very well, I was there quite often. So I made my way down the familiar pathways when I reached the towering burgundy doors I entered earlier that day. As I reached for the doorknob I wondered something. Why am I here? It didn't make sense. Miss Adden would have come looking for me, she wouldn't have left the library without checking no one was in it. And I would have realized if she called out my name to ask me to leave the library.
As the question clouded my mind, I looked to Miss Adden's desk and quietly walked over there. I didn't know what I was expecting. I thought I would see her open notebook or some clue of why she left so suddenly.
As I stepped behind her desk to get a better look I felt something beneath my foot and looked down.
When I looked down I saw a corpse. Miss Addin's bloodshot eyes stared up at me. My eyes widened as I realized there was a dead body beneath me. I backed myself into a corner and began to breathe heavily. I didn't know how or why she was dead. I only knew that she was dead. I tried to step closer to her, but my fear restricted me.
I began to hear noises. Not normal noises but something as if my ears were playing tricks on me. I shut my eyes and blocked the sound out. What was going on, was I hallucinating, was I going insane? As I began to question reality itself I heard more noises. Except this time they were real.
It sounded like steps. Someone taking steps toward me. In a matter of seconds the quiet steps were getting louder and louder the longer I waited. I looked down at the body beneath me, I took a deep breath and hid under the desk next to it.
Once I sat down I pulled myself together and crammed into the small space. Careful not to breathe too heavily, and I stayed still. Maybe I can wait this out. At least that's what I told myself. I didn't believe it but it was the only thing I could say to keep myself from crying my eyes out.
As I sat there, my knees pressed up against the cold wood of the desk. I began to question everything. Why was this happening in a library? Why did they kill Miss Adden? Did they have a reason? Would I be their next victim? Sitting there and hiding wasn't answering any of my questions. I looked up to the window above me and looked at the stars and moon.
How can something so beautiful only come out at night? I admired the window and the ribbon surrounding it. Praying for your life made you admire the little things. Even the space in between the stars was something worth loving. Without that, what would make the stars special? In a way, the darkness comforted me. For a moment, I forgot about the looming threat coming for me. And enjoyed life a little bit. Without death why would we appreciate life? Why live in fear if you know death will eventually catch up to you, it's natural. But some people never realize that. That's something I realized at that moment. The fear that was taking over me began to settle. As I sat there looking up at the stars and the emptiness between them, my shaking and heavy breathing stopped. My fear stopped.
The steps I heard earlier began again, walking away from me. This is my chance, my chance to get out of here and survive. So I waited, I waited for the walking to get quiet enough. Once it got so faint I couldn't hear it, I pressed my knees out of the desk and slowly looked out of the desk. Staying calm.
All I saw was the tall carved bookshelves in the darkness. I lifted myself to my feet and began to walk. Every step I took I got more hopeful all fear leaving my body. I was only five steps away from the door. Four, three, two. I was at the door. I lifted my arm, it seemed like I was in slow motion as I placed my hand on the cold metal doorknob. I got goosebumps from the frigid metal touching my hand. I slowly turned the doorknob. Moving it slowly halfway across, until it stopped. I put more pressure on the knob, maybe it was stuck. I pressed harder, my heart rate increasing. I pushed the knob over and over again. It was locked. My only chance to get out of this place was locked. Maybe Miss Adden had a key, maybe I could get out the window. Asking tones of questions until.
"Just give up," a voice echoed. It was bitter, sharp. It pierced my ears like a dagger. It was a man's voice. Except, it wasn't a grown man's voice. It sounded like he was my age. "I know you're here." I shut my eyes, praying I was hallucinating and he wasn't actually seeing me. I turned my head slowly, to view the person behind me.
He was short, I was right he did look about my age. He didn't look menacing like a killer, I looked at him wondering why I was so scared. Then, I saw his eyes. They looked empty, like nothing was behind it, like there was no soul behind it. Somehow they made you lose hope just by looking at them, they stung my view.
"Who are you," that was the only thing I could choke out of my mouth. It was quiet, but I knew he heard me. I could tell by the way his mouth twitched into a smirk.
"Florian," he responded to me almost immediately. "Don't bother introducing yourself, I know who you are hazel."
"And, how is that?" I questioned him. I said it calmly, again, I overcame my fear.
"Your place in the old woman's notebook, you were at the top of the list." I guessed he was talking about Miss Adden's notebook. He began to step closer to me. Every step he took I could make out his figure a little more. Until he was in the light of the stars. We were both standing there. We were in the center of the light. If he took three more steps, he could easily kill me. But he didn't.
"Well Florian, why don't you just kill me now. I'm right here, why not kill me now," I said softly.
"Because I know you want something," He wasn't wrong when he said it, I wanted to know why he killed Miss Adden.
"You're right," I responded.
"So what is hazel? What do you want to know, I'm an open book," his words had a way of forcing stuff out of you.
"Why is killing the answer, and why do you do it?" I was honest with what I wanted to know.
"Because I want to be noticed, feel like someone who has a purpose. I don't care if that purpose is bad. I just want to feel something besides anger and depression. Even if it's the adrenaline that comes from murder," That wasn't the response I expected. In the books I read, the murderers kill for different reasons. Anger, revenge, jealousy, anger. "I know it's not what you expected. Just like how I never expected to end up a killer," he was right. No one sought out to kill. It comes naturally, just like death. "My entire life, I've been depressed. Only feeling sad and angry. At Least this way I can feel something else,"
"Thats not what I expected," I said. Again honest.
"no one ever expects it." I looked into his eyes as he said he responded. "And nobody ever survives to tell anyone, the best killers, the ones with reasons, never get caught."
"How many," I asked.
"How many what," he responded
"How many did you kill florian," It was hard to say, admitting that I was in the room with a killer.
"Seven," he responded, like it was normal. Like it was normal to end seven people's lives. Seven people who have families' and friends. But he killed them.
"Are you going to kill me florian," it was a simple question. But it was something I didn't expect to say in my life. It's not something anyone expects to say in their lives. But something about him changed when I said that. He seemed more human. Instead of responding he just stood there, looking at me. He kept a plain face as he looked at me. Staying still in the dim light. We just stood there in silence for a while. I began to think if something I had said made him turn a new leaf. Become nice. Change. Maybe he just needed someone to see him as a person and not a killer. Those three steps between us closed as I took a step forward. I saw his face change slightly, his mouth opening. Another step, he looked down to be face to face. And finally, we were face to face. I looked up at him and I made my face into a smile before leaning in to hug him. I reached my arm around his shoulder and spoke.
"Florian, do you finally feel something?" I asked him as I hugged him closely.
"Yes." He responded quickly. I began to pull away with a smile pasted onto my face looking at him as I felt sharp knife lodge into my chest. I collapsed onto the floor.
"That's another reason we don't get caught Hazel. We let people get close to us, feel special, like a star, feel safe. Until we, the void. Crush them and kill them" he said. "You're not special. Everyone dies."
It's said as you die. You relive your life in seven minutes. Looking at everything you had done. As I was dying. Seeing my life again, I noticed something. I had always chosen to reason with people, and always try to get away with thing, Be right. As I watched over my life, I finally realized that's the reason I didn't feel much fear. I wanted to prove I could handle it.
I also realized that's why I never let people go. I never just left my problems behind. I always had to be right, always had to get the last word. Maybe if I left away from some of my problems instead of arguing then I would have not had as many problems.
That was the same for Florian. Maybe if I had ran away, tried to escape one last time, I would have survived. Maybe if I didn't reason and just ran I would still be here. But now, I'm just in the void in between the stars, making the living people feel special.