Abomination (Ryden)

Chapter 8

So, I'm lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, and it's like any other night except... well, except Ryan Ross is curled up against me, sound asleep and I'm counting how many times his chest rises and falls against my side. His breath is soaking deep into my shirt, brushing against my skin and it's shooting shocks of warm, fuzzy tingles all the way to my freaking toes.

I don't have the faintest clue what time it is, but I know it's getting pretty late, and I'm expecting a knock on my door at any second, my mom telling Ryan it's time to go, because yeah, it is a school night.

My door is still locked and closed, and I know my mom is most likely wondering why. But, I honestly don't even really care how obvious it is, because I'm way to high on Cloud Nine, and I mean, really, I'm cuddling with Ryan Ross on my bed after we just finished having quite an intense (and very, very hot) make out session.

There really isn't much that can bring me down right about now.

At some point, I lose count of his breaths, because once I get over the initial shock that, yeah, I totally did just make out with Ryan for the second time, all that is going through my mind is Ethan, Ethan, Ethan. And, it just completely sucks, because I still do have feelings for him, and I know he doesn't deserve this because he has always been nothing short than amazing to me. Plus, not only has he been my boyfriend for the past year, but he's also been my best friend too (along with Jon, of course). He's my knight in shining armor, he's... okay, so maybe not quite my knight in shining armor, but still. He means a lot to me.

And, I know, you're wondering that if he actually does mean to so much to me, then why am I cheating on him with Ryan? How could I have feelings like this for someone else?

The answer is... well, I don't really know actually.

So, in conclusion, I've pretty much went from the being the most happiest fucking person on the face of this universe, to feeling like the most shittiest, most confused, most guilty person in a matter of minutes.

Then, not to mention, there's also Dayna. And, I know, I've barely spoken more than like, three words to her in my entire life, but only, with the cheating on my boyfriend thing, I also helped her boyfriend cheat on her. Whether he's gay or not, it doesn't matter, because he still did- with me. And, I know, all Ryan and I have done is make out, but still, it counts. It just sucks because I never thought I'd be that kind of person- the cheater or the cheatee, you know?

I just have all this overwhelming guilt, and I want to talk to Ryan about it, but I just can't bring myself to wake him up, because he just looks so peaceful and beautiful and just, ugh. How did I get into this mess?

But, it's all my freaking fault so I should probably stop feeling sorry for myself. But, it's like, okay, when I developed this little crush on Ryan it wasn't like I ever planned on cheating on Ethan. I knew (or, well, I guess thought) nothing would ever happen with it, because Ryan was straight, and it was just some harmless, stupid, little crush that was never going to go anywhere. I mean, he's the pastors son. And now- well, now I don't even know what it is exactly, but it's obviously not just some harmless, little crush anymore, and I have no idea what to freaking do.

Why does life have to be so hard? Sob, sob.

Sure enough, a few soft knocks at my door and my moms voice calling my name and Ryan's comes a few minutes later, breaking my thoughts.

I groan, bury my face into Ryan's soft hair before yelling back, "Hold on a sec!" And I really don't care how fucking obvious this whole thing sounds either.

There's a long pause on the other side of the door, but I know she isn't gone. I know she's standing there, hand on my locked doorknob, and I'm just waiting for her to start yelling and screaming to open the door because she probably thinks I'm like, raping Ryan or something. However, seconds pass, and it doesn't come, instead she just goes, "Okay." and I hear her footsteps retreat down the hallway. It's weird too, because I can tell by the sound of her voice that she really doesn't know what we've been up to tonight (or, well, maybe she does, she just doesn't want to admit it, but then again, I barely believe it myself).