Abomination (Ryden)

Chapter 10

I'm not even home for more than fifteen minutes the next day before Ryan's in my room, on my bed, on top of me, like he needs me to breathe or something.

Not like I'm complaining or anything...

But, fuck, he should get like, The Most Confusing Person of the Year award or something. Which really tells you a lot too, because before Ryan came around I was sure Ms. Thomspon, my math teacher, was going to get it, hands down. I mean like, okay, one minute he's all, "Oooh, I'm a saint! You choose to be gay! This is a sin! We're going to hell!" and the next minute he has his tongue down my throat and stuff.

Ryan manages to pry his lips from mine for a total of like, 1.3 seconds before I'm pulling him back down by the neck, and very brutally shoving my tongue back down his throat. Cause, sorry, I just can't help it. It's Ryan Ross, on top of me, on my bed, kissing me. I think I'm entitled to do these things.

Ryan attempts to pull away a few more times, and of course, he also fails every single time. It's about his hundredth try when he pulls away just long enough to go, "Bren," all hot and out of breath. And just, damn, because I'm the reason he's out of breath.

Deciding that I should finally just give the boy a chance to speak, I drop my head down onto my pillow and stare up at him, and, to be honest, I'm a little upset because I was kind of really enjoying the kissing. It also doesn't make matters any easier with him pressed up against me as close as he is, and he's panting all hard and sexy out of his swollen mouth and he has complete and total sex hair. Like, seriously, just looking at him makes me ridiculously horny.

"What-" he starts, then pauses to take a long, deep breath before continuing, "What are we?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean like... what are we doing?"

I blink, and go all serious, because I'm still kind of like, whoa from all the kissing and no breathing, "Um, making out?"

He lets out a tiny laugh, shakes his head and lets his face drop down into the pillow beside my head. And, shit man, I can feel his heart pounding against mine, and his hot breath is dancing across my cheek and neck.

And, um, why are we not kissing?

"You have a boyfriend, Bren," he says, voice muffled into my pillow.

"And, you have a girlfriend," I say, and it hurts to even just say it.

"You have a boyfriend, who's house you just came from, and you... you still smell like him..." he says, and I don't really get to say anything at all before he's pulling himself off of me completely, and the sudden loss of contact from him makes my body weep and shiver.

He sits at the edge of my bed, picks at his jeans, and goes, "What are we doing? What am I doing?"

I close my eyes, count to ten and I my penis throbs against my tight jeans. I kind of want to cry, because like, why couldn't he wait till after to bring this up?

"Dayna... I can't-- I can't do this to her. I'm not... I'm not gay. Like, I cant. And, just... fuck." He drops his head down onto his lap, and makes that sad little choking noise. "And you cant... we can't... we're cheating on them, Brendon."

"Ethan's twenty-three," I mumble, "and I'm some stupid, little high school kid. I really wouldn't be surprised if he has cheated on me at some point in the past year." And, well, okay to be perfectly honest, I don't really think he has. Because Ethan's not really the cheating type, but then again, I'm the stupid, little high school kid and I bet they all think that. But, still, whatever, I just really want Ryan to shut up anyways, and get over his new found guilt trip and make out with me again.

Ryan shakes his head, and runs his hand through his ruffled hair. "Bren..."

"Look, Ryan," I say, pulling myself up to sit beside me. I grab onto his hand tightly with my own, and don't let go. He stares down at his hand in mine for a few seconds, before looking away across my room. "I really, really like you. Like, a lot a lot. And, I know you like me too." He keeps his eyes on the ground, but his face does this weird twitching thing, and he still doesn't say anything, so I know I'm right. "And, trust me, I feel like shit for cheating on Ethan. I do. Because I still have feelings for him... I'm not too sure if I still love him, but well, you know. And, I know you care about Dayna... but, there's something telling me that it's not in that way. Maybe not in the way that you want to, and definitely not in the way your Father wants you to."

He flinches noticeably at the mention of his father, and I can see tears forming at the corners of his eyes, but I keep going. I'm hoping - praying that this will get through to him this time because honestly, I'm really getting very sick of saying the same thing over and over and over again. "I know this is new for you. I know you're doing something that you've been told time and time again, ever since you were little, is wrong. I know you think God will hate you. That... what we're doing... that how we feel is wrong. But, Ryan, it's not. It can't be. How can what we feel for someone... be wrong? How can it be a sin? Isn't God supposed to love us no matter what? Isn't that what they've been teaching us since Sunday school? He's not going to hate you, or send you to live an eternity in hell because you have feelings for someone. It just... it doesn't make any sense."

He's shaking next to me now, he's sniffing and sobbing and making these weird noises from deep in his throat. But, his hand is still intertwined with mine and he's... squeezing back. Then, he lets his head fall against my shoulder, and he keeps it there as his shoulders shake against mine.

I don't know what else there is to say... because I know I've said it all for now. Now... well, now it's just up to him. Now, it's up to him to finally listen for once.

We stay like that for awhile. I'm not to sure how long it is exactly, but I know it's awhile. When Ryan finally stops crying, he rubs his snotty nose against the sleeve of my t-shirt, and goes, all soft and meek, "Thanks."

---

Ryan and Spencer end up eating lunch with Jon and I the following Monday.

This time Spencer and Jon aren't too OHMYGOD, I'm-burning-your-clothes-off-right-now-with-my-eyes and Ryan isn't acting all that weirded out for once.

However, they're still all giggly and cutesy and I'm really wondering how the whole school hasn't caught on to the fact that they're totally fucking yet.

I guess, it's kind of like how my mom doesn't want- can't believe that I'm fooling around with the Pastor's son, even though the obvious signs are right in front of her face. It's just, nobody can believe their schools dear, lets-go-on-protests-against-the-gays, saints Spencer and Ryan are really flaming homosexuals themselves.

Halfway through the lunch, I feel something smooth and soft poke at my hand under the table. I look down, then over to Ryan, who's face is tinted a soft shade of pink, and he's got this big, dorky, sheepish smile on his lips. Then, I feel his fingers lace into mine, and the world is officially complete.