Abomination (Ryden)

Chapter 38

To my surprise, I have a fairly decent sleep that night. I figure it's because Dayna is finally out of my life for good - at least, oh dear God, I hope she is. Ryan, on the other hand, well I'm not sure, but I do wake up to his fingers dancing down my bare back and his soft voice murmuring, "wake up, sleepyhead," into my ear.

However, this does not make me happy, because like I had just previously stated, for the first time in the past week, I was having a pretty decent sleep and he just had to go and ruin it - just like my life. Okay, so maybe that was a bit dramatic, but still.

"Ugh, what?!" I whine, face buried in my pillow.

"It's two in the afternoon," he says, hot breath tickling my ear as his fingers dip lower down my back, hooking into the hem of my boxers.

I moan discontent, still a little pissed that he woke me up and turn over onto my back, scowl on my face.

He smiles down at me, it's small and forced and sad, but at least he tried. "Hi," he says.

"Hi." I am still not happy, but his sad smile made me sad, so I decide to ditch the scowl.

He bends down to press a quick peck to my mouth, then lingers for a moment, lips inches from mine, before just dropping his forehead against mine, and goes, "I'm sorry." He trails his finger along my arm, and closes his eyes as he continues, "So, so sorry. I should've listened. I brought you into this mess, and you shouldn't be. Spencer was right, I deserve everything that happened, but you definitely don't. I swear, if I could go back and - "

I put my finger to his lips, shushing him. "I know," I say, but really, I just don't want to hear about it anymore. It's Saturday, I want to enjoy my weekend without having to think about how my entire fucking school - and now probably the whole town too - thinks I'm a fucking hooker on heroin.

He smiles, still soft and with a tint of sadness, as he bends down to press another kiss to my lips. It's longer this time, and deeper, and this time, I kiss him back. "Thanks," he murmurs after. Then, he sighs, tucks some of his soft hair behind his ear as he rests his elbow beside my head, hoisting himself up. "Sometimes - " he starts, taking a deep breath, as he runs his eyes over my face with this half-adoring, half-guilty look on his face. I can't help but blush, hard, "Sometimes, I don't think I deserve you."

My eyes perk up, because didn't I used to think exactly that? And fine, okay, and maybe, even after the way he's been acting towards me and everyone, I still find myself wondering, why me? I don't tell him this though, because he doesn't deserve flattery at the moment, so instead, I just ask, "Why?"

"'Cause, Bren, I'm an asshole." He shakes his head, bites onto his bottom lip and uses his other hand that's not hoisting himself up to run through his hair. "I've been treating you like shit, and I don't even know why. I've been treating everyone like shit. Spencer hates me, Jon hates me, you... I mean, I know you're probably still pissed at me." I go to open my mouth to protest, cause yeah, sure, maybe I am, deep down, but I'm a big pile of mush for Ryan right now (when am I not?) and I don't want him feeling worse. However, he shuts me up with a pointed look and quickly goes, "I don't blame you. You should be. Honestly, I should have been dumped a long time ago for the way I've been treating you. I've been terrible. I think... I honestly think this - what Dayna did - was God's way of telling me how much of an idiot I was being. It's my punishment." He throws in a forced laugh like he's trying to pretend he's just joking, but I don't buy it.

I shrug, and well, what about me? Do I deserve it? What am I getting punished for?

"You're strong, Bren," he whispers, voice cracking. "You can handle it. He knows I'm not. I pretend to be, but... well." He shrugs, sad.