Abomination (Ryden)

Chapter 37

By the time morning rolls around, I'm exhausted - and in more ways than one. Besides the obvious reason that I doubt I slept for even a solid hour, it's just, well, Ryan.

It's like; I don't even know what to do anymore. A part of me is telling me that maybe it's time to just end it with him. But the other (big) part of me knows that doing that would pretty much be impossible. I mean, no Ryan? I couldn't do it. Sure, he can be a dick, and he seems to be about seventy-five percent of the time lately, but what about the other like, twenty-five percent? He's still the boy that I fell head-over-heels, crazy-obsessed in love with, right?

Right.

But then comes the fact that I'm now almost positive that he's cheating on me with Dayna (See, I'm so exhausted that I can't even come up with a nasty name to call her).

I'm up, at least, a good forty-five minutes before my alarm is supposed to go off. Ryan's stretched out beside me with his leg slung over mine, breath loud and steady. At first, I run my eyes over his face, from his closed eyes, and long eyelashes sweeping over his creamy cheeks, to his thin, chapped lips partly open. I eventually have to look away because it hurts too much.

When the alarm finally goes off, the first thing Ryan does once he's awake is send a sleepy smile up at me, then press a lazy kiss to my lips. I don't stop him, but I don't kiss him back either.

"Morning," he murmurs, head falling back against the pillow.

"Yeah," I mumble, because I really don't have the energy to say anything else.

He bites his lip, and looks me over. I can't tell what the expression on his face is, but I wouldn't doubt if it was all guilt.

We get ready in silence. Ryan doesn't even try to talk to me, and I still can't decide if it's because of guilt or he knows that I'm still mad at him for ditching us and just finally gave up trying to get me to talk to him. I really, really hope it's the latter.

Once we get to the school, we almost immediately go in separate directions, only mumbling a quick, half-hearted goodbye. It feels like something is tugging on my heart, and I'm really starting to think that this is the end of our relationship.

A few people look at me as I walk down the hall, but I just shrug it off, figuring I'm just being paranoid and imagining it. Or maybe, they do it all the time and I just never noticed.

However, by the time I go to my locker and head off to homeroom, a few people turn into almost everyone I pass. They all stop and stare, and whisper and giggle. I try to tell myself that it's just about me and Ryan being together, that they still haven't gotten over it after all these weeks. I go without much success, because I know everyone did move on. It's high school, teenagers don't hang onto one thing for very long, no matter if it's gossip or clothes or even friends.

By the end of first class, nothing changes, if anything it gets worse. On my way to second class, this lowlife, scrawny, drug-addicted loser who I don't know (and really could care less) the name of, chucks a penny at my chest and goes, "Hey faggot, here's a penny, get down on your knees."

I feel my face heat up, and my throat tighten. I'm so confused as to why this is going on now, all of a sudden, that all I can really manage to come up with is a lame 'fuck you'.

Him and his brain-dead friends all laugh, and as they all pass by me to go to the smoker doors, a fat kid with long, string black hair pushes me back into the cold, metal locker behind me.

This time, I keep my mouth shut because by the looks of it, this kid could probably kill me by just sitting on me.

When I finally reach second class, I ignore the looks and whispers as best as I can as I make my way to my seat at the back of the classroom beside Jon. I breathe a sigh of relief, because it's about time I see a friendly face, who isn't whispering or snickering behind (okay, more like in front) of my back. However, he does give me a sympathetic look, and just as I'm about to ask him what the fuck is going on, the teacher comes in and tells everyone to be quiet.