Me and the Devil

25.

The quiet that settles after my talk with JJ is short-lived, as guilt coils around my heart. Using JJ as a crutch, as a bridge between my past and everything that pulls me towards Rafe, feels louder in the silence. It's a familiar feeling. The balance between what's real and what I'm keeping close to my chest but it's sharper now, pressing hard against what I've left unsaid.

I walk home, each step feeling heavier, eyes on the ground as I kick a few stones into the drainage ditch along the road. I hear the rumble of a car engine, but I don't bother to look up until the voice cuts through the quiet.

"Out here all alone?" Rafe leans out the window of his Jeep, an easy smirk on his face. " Lucky for you, I happen to be in the business of rescuing beautiful women.

I smile at him and tease back. "Beautiful women? How about just one?"

He motions for me to hop in, and I make my way around to the passenger side, sliding in beside him. As he puts the Jeep in drive, I glance over and catch a flicker of something darker in his eyes. Sadness. Vulnerability.

"Hey.." I reach out, placing a hand on his thigh. "What's wrong?"

His jaw tightens, and he brushes it off with a short, "Nothing." He doesn't meet my eyes, instead turning the Jeep left onto the winding road that leads to Barry's. My hand stays on his leg, but he doesn't seem to notice. I want to ask more, to break through whatever's weighing him down, but I hold back, just watching him as he stares straight ahead, lost in thought.

When we pull up in Barry's front yard, Rafe tells me to stay in the car. I don't listen. Not after what happened last time. As we step out, we find Barry slumped in a plastic chair by a bonfire, looking as trashed as the beer cans surrounding him. I catch the way Rafe's hand tightens around a wad of cash, his breath going ragged as he holds it out. I step closer, reaching over to place my hand against his chest. His heart races beneath my fingers, and I can feel his anxiety, his struggle.

Without a word, I take the cash from him. I get what's happening here - and I can't watch him fall apart like this.

"Well, well..country club and his babysitter" Barry sneers, looking us both over with that smug, too familiar grin.

My blood boils at his tone. "I told you that you could trust me to make him pay up," I say, tossing the cash at Barry's feet, my voice sharp. Barry looks from the money to me to Rafe about to say something. "He paid. Pick it up." I say before Barry has a chance.

Barry's grin fades as he shifts from his chair, standing to face me. "Shit, though, man. That boy 19 years old and you out here taking care of him like he's some baby-ass bitch, huh?" He bends, scooping up the money one bill at a time. "That's a damn shame."

Rafe stays frozen, caught in the tangle of emotions, but a territorial urge of protecting the man I care about washes over me. Before I realize it, I kick Barry straight in the face. He staggers back with a grunt, clutching his nose, and I follow up with another hard kick to his ribs, the anger still pulsing through me.

When I turn back, Rafe's staring at me, a mixture of shock and desire in his eyes. It's as if he's seeing a new side of me, one that's both thrilling and a little terrifying,

"Get your bike," I tell him softly, reaching into his pocket for his keys. His breath hitches at the intimacy of the movement, and I feel his eyes linger on me as I pull back. "I'll meet you at Tannyhill with the Jeep."

I drive in silence, feeling the high of what just happened pulse through me, calming my nerves. When we reach Tannyhill, Rafe zooms his bike in front of the jeep causing me to stop at the bottom of the driveway. He gets off the bike and gets into the jeep next to me.

"Ward kicked me out," he says finally, voice barely above a whisper. "Caught me in his office trying to take cash. Said he can't trust me."

I reach over, placing my hand on his leg. "Rafe...I offered to help because I wanted to. I..." The words catch in my throat, my heart pounding as I try not to admit too much. "I care about you."

"Rafe, we found the gold." I keep my voice low, almost a whisper, sharing a forbidden secret. "It's under the Crain house. All we have to do is get it, and you'll be able to pay Ward back. You can move on from all this."

A rustle outside makes me pause, my gaze darting to the trees, hoping it's just the wind. My pulse quickens as I look back at Rafe, trying to keep the focus on him, on the plan.

"You can stay with me.." I offer, barely thinking before the words escape. "Until we get this all figured out."

His head jerks up, eyes widening. "Your mom and Ezra?"

"They won't even know you're there. I have my own space, a little suite with a bathroom and kitchen." I smile, trying to make it sound easy. "They're too wrapped up in their own world to notice."

Rafe hesitates, doubt flashing in his eyes. But something in my voice, in my offer, seems to break through. He nods, a faint smile tugging at his lip.

As he leans back, the thrill of what I'm doing, of taking this risk for him, begins to settle in. My mind drifts briefly to the Pogues - JJ, especially- and what they'd think if they knew I was not only hiding Rafe but also planning to give him a share of the gold. It's a betrayal I can't let myself dwell on.

Because, deep down, I know where my loyalties lie now.