Eric Is Back (A Gossip Girl Novel)

2. 2007

I had my first kiss when I was sixteen years old. It was supposed to be with Damien Dalgaard. I'd been so desperate for him to be with me that I'd been his drug mule for a few months. One night, as we'd waited for Damien's latest customer on a cold bench in Central Park, I leaned over and went straight in for the kill. I puckered my lips and tried to plant one on Damien's handsome, square-jawed face. But just as our lips were about to touch, he pushed me away – so fiercely that I fell off the bench!

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" he exploded. "I'M NOT GAY!"

He shot up from the bench and balled his hand into a fist. My hands shook like crazy as I held them up in front of my face and said, "Okay, okay! I'm sorry! I misjudged the situation!"

"No shit you did!" he shrieked. "Is that what's been going on this whole time?! A-are you in love with me or something?!"

"No, no!" I lied. "I just... I-I don't know what I was thinking!"

Scrambling, I got up from the ground and stumbled away from Damien.

"We – are – done – here!" he said nastily, slicing the air with his hands. "Do you hear me?! We – are – DONE!"

"I know, I know!" I said quickly. "I get it! I'm leaving, okay?"

The next thing I knew, I was sprinting through Central Park. I had no idea where I was going. I could barely see anything I was crying so hard!

All I knew was that I had to as far away from Damien Dalgaard as possible.

*

I couldn't go home.

I couldn't let Mom and Serena see me like this. I couldn't stop crying. My sobs were coming out like screams. As I made my way across New York, I probably looked like some sort of crazy person!

Somehow, I found myself at Rufus' loft in Brooklyn. I didn't know why my feet had brought me there. Maybe it was because I knew it'd be empty. Dan was only one who lived there and he was usually out making weird art films with his friend Vanessa.

Outside of the loft, I desperately searched for a spare key. I checked under the mat and fumbled around the top of the door frame. I couldn't find a key anywhere! It was stupid, really – obviously, the door wasn't going to be left open if no one was in!

I tried the handle anyway. To my surprise, the door opened up. All of a sudden, I felt all weird inside – like I was intruding or something. I mean, Rufus lived in my apartment so what was wrong with me hanging out at his place from time to time?

I stepped inside of the loft and closed the door behind me. As it shut, a voice called out, "Dad?! Is that you?!"

Crap!

It was Dan!

"Um... no!" I called back. "It's, um... me – Eric!"

"Eric?!"

I didn't even have to see Dan's face to know that it had twisted in confusion. Dan and I never hung out. We only crossed paths at family gatherings. Even then, we never really chatted. We'd played a few board games together one time, but it never went beyond that. I mean, Dan was two years older than me! It's not like we had anything in common!

Just then, Dan appeared, raking his hand through his curly, black hair. "Hey, buddy," he said. "W-what are you doing here?"

That was a good question.

What was I doing here?

At that moment, my lip started wobbling. Damien's face zoomed into my mind. My heart broke all over again.