Eric Is Back (A Gossip Girl Novel)

22. 2007

I felt so stupid. There I was... splayed out on Dan's bed... naked... covered in rose petals...

What the hell was I thinking?!

When I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I cringed away in horror. I looked anything but sexy!

But would Dan think the same?

I hoped not...

Otherwise I wouldn't be going through with this torture!

Sure enough, I'd sneaked into the loft when Dan was out and had quickly set the whole thing up. Over the past few months, naturally, Dan had done everything he could to avoid conversations involving us and sex. I knew he'd wanted to do it with me though. I mean, when we made out, I could always feel himself tighten up around me... I could feel certain body parts harden against mine...

But he never let himself go around me.

So, I was hoping to change that... Give him a little push... Encourage him to let his guard down for a second and to let loose...

I waited there for what seemed like hours! As time went on, I must have memorized every single crack in the ceiling... the name of every single title in Dan's bookcase...

At one point, I could feel myself sinking into Dan's bed... sinking... dropping off...

But just as I could feel myself slipping into a nap, the sound of an opening door woke me up. My eyelids sprang open. A shocked of adrenaline burst through me.

Here goes... Show time!

"– it's in my room. Hold on a sec'! Let me go and get it –"

Oh, no...

It was Dan's voice.

But... he wasn't alone!

Shit! Shit! Shit!

"– I'll be two secs! Just wait here –"

Scrambling, I jumped off the bed, cringing when the bed springs squeaked loudly underneath me. I was just about to grab my clothes from the floor when the door flew open suddenly and Dan burst into the room.

"HOLY SHIT!"

My eyes blazing, I held up a finger against my lips, desperately trying to silence Dan. But it was too late...

"What is it, Dan?" I heard Rufus call out. "Is someone in there?!"

Rufus is here...?!

"N-no!" Dan squeaked back. "No... it's n-nothing!"

"Rufus, why is Daniel acting so strangely?"

Oh my God!

My mom was here, too!

"Seriously, Dad!" Dan snapped. "It's n-nothing! Let me just grab my stuff and I'll meet you outsid–"

"Is it Vanessa?" Rufus demanded. "Dan, what the hell is Vanessa doing in here?!"

"Dad, it's not Vanessa!" Dan insisted.

"Then who is it?!"

Just then, angry footsteps boomed towards us. I should have been getting dressed... I should have diving under the bed... Climbing out the window...

Anything!

But I was just stood there... frozen with fear... not moving...

It was as if I wanted Rufus to catch us.

"Eric?!" Rufus gasped when he saw me, his eyes popping out of his face. "W-what are you doing in here?"

It took a few moments... but eventually the penny dropped. My stomach hit the floor as I watched Rufus' eyes flicker between mine and Dan's faces... solving the puzzle... putting the pieces together...

And then, he started yelling...

"DAN, WHAT THE HELL IS ERIC DOING IN HERE AND WHY HASN'T HE GOT ANY CLOTHES ON?!"

"I-I don't know!" Dan squeaked. "H-he's obsessed with me or something!"

It was my turn to gasp now. "WHAT?!"

"What are you talking about, Dan?!" Rufus demanded.

"It's been going on a for while now..." Dan explained. "Eric has been... he's been coming on to me and stuff. Telling me how much he's in love with me. All weird stuff like that. I've tried to keep it from you guys because... because I didn't want to freak you out. B-but I guess the cat's out of the bag now."

I couldn't believe it! I couldn't believe how Dan was twisting this – all to save himself!

"Mom, Rufus!" I piped up. "Don't listen to him! Dan's lying! We're together! We're boyfriends! We've been seeing each other for months!"

"Boyfriends?!" Dan cruelly spat out. "Eric, I'm your stepbrother! I would never ever be your boyfriend! That's just... disgusting!"

I gaped at Dan like he'd just slapped me across the face. "W-who... who even are you? Who am I even talking to?"

"Well, I'm not your boyfriend!" he fired back. "That's for sure!"

"How could you even say something like tha–?"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Rufus exploded, making me jump. "Eric, get dressed! You're going home with your mother – you're not welcome here any more!"

I could feel my face turn ghost-white. "Y-you can't do that! Dan and I love each other! I'm telling you the truth! We've been together for month–"

"ERIC! GET DRESSED NOW!"

"NO!" I fired back. "I'm not leaving! I'm not leaving Dan! I love him!"

"GET OUT OTHERWISE I'M CALLING THE POLICE!"

"Rufus, calm down!" Mom squawked behind him. "No one is calling the police!"

Not wanting to embarrass myself in front of any more people, I did as I was told and got myself dressed in record time. By the time I was cramming my feet into my shoes, sure enough, Dan had already stormed out of the loft.

We didn't even need to call the police. Rufus marched me out of the building himself with Mom huffing and puffing as she struggled to keep up with us.

What happened next was all a blur... A long, painful, heartbreaking blur that lasted two years in a cold, lonely boarding school in Connecticut.

As I'd lay on my squeaky, little bed there, staring up at the ceiling, I'd often wonder what Dan had done after he'd stormed out of the loft. Did he drown his sorrows in a dark, dingy bar? Did he run to a church and confess his sins? Did he contemplate suicide and think about throwing himself in the East River?

In those two years, I had my fair share of suicidal thoughts. And if I wasn't thinking about suicide, I was fantasising about Dan busting me out of boarding school... rescuing me... the two of us riding off into the sunset...

But I didn't kill myself.

And those damn horses never showed up.