3.3/24
I think the worst realization a person can come to a 21 is that if they don't like anything in their life they can just change it. But how? If I want to get up early in the morning I just do but I don't want to. I want to sleep for long as possible and just be awake for as little as possible. I want to be happy but I don't I don't feel like I deserve it so what exactly is it that I can change? And if I want to change it how do I?
No, you see my question is if I want to be happy I can just be but is anyone really truly happy and what does that mean? Is there anything such as actual happiness? Or do people go just live day by day hiding away enjoying the sun and avoiding the shade?
and I don't mean on purpose, no, it's just in the back of your mind and it comes to the surface whenever you're alone but what if I'm alone all the time what if I am chronically lonely? how do I get out of the dark without a flashlight?
what if I hate myself? How do I know that it's hate or how do I know that - that's what love is supposed to feel like? I could philosophize about life in all my waking hours but the truth is I'm at my happiest when I'm asleep.
I do know how to love. I love deeply and truly so many beings and many people. I know how to show them my life and how to care for them so I know that the saying you can't truly love anyone without loving yourself first is meaningless.
And how do I know it's love? Because I know what what loss is. I know what heartbreak feels like and what it's like to mourn and what it's like to wallow and what sadness feels like.. like this beautiful cloud, when you lay and rest your tired body on it you can't get back up. where as love feels like a very calm pink sunset that you could just watch for hours while sitting in the comfort of the grass of love given by mother earth.
but when the sunset sets, the dark blue is evitable. Pain of relationships and the expression of care and kindness will always have its downfalls. So if it's inevitable what's the point?
is the point to feel alive? But what if I went my whole life without ever feeling awake? have I ever truly lived?
They say we have bee given time, but what if I'd like to pass it on to someone else give my time to someone with less of it? These tiresome lonelysome nights and days truly are never ending.
YOU ARE READING
The Sunflower diary
Poetry(..How to live with heartbreak) This book holds all my thoughts put into potentially good poetry. I'm hoping you'll like it and even empathize with it. Have a good read :)
