Without You I'm Nothing

Chapter 13

Chapter 13;

Jess p.o.v

I woke to a thumping headache, cramping stomach and aching limbs. I looked at the clock - 11.23! My god, it was late! I didn't remember getting into bed last night, but somehow I had.

I rolled over to wake Eric up, but he wasn't there, my fingers coming to land on cold sheets. I was confused for a brief moment before it all came flooding back.

I was drinking last night, I know that. I danced with Eric, spoke to other people and - and kissed another man! Oh my god, please let me be have dreamt that! I wouldn't, would I? Then I remembered Eric trying to get me to stop drinking and take me home.

I had ran off and thrown myself onto another man! I remember Eric punching the guy, JSon restraining Eric and later bringing me home.

It was just the alcohol, I tried to convince myself. With a groan, I pulled myself out of bed, not surprised to see I was still wearing last nights clothes. I slowly (and painfully), walked to the living room. I saw Eric sat there, with the tv on but not watching it. He was just staring into space with his back to me.

"E-Eric?" I asked softly from the edge of the living room, so quietly I was surprised he heard.

"Feeling better?" he asked, no hint of emotion in his voice. No anger, no saddness - nothing. I didn't know whether that was a good or a bad sign.

"W-what happened?" I had no idea why i had asked that - I knew. I just wanted to break the tension, I guess.

"You kissed another man, I punched him, JSon bought you back here and I put you in bed." he replied, deadpan and still not looking at me.

I walked over to him, standing in front of the tv. "I'm so sorry." I told him as my eyes teared up.

"Ok." he said, looking down at his arm now, which was apparently more interesting than me.

"Look at me, please." I begged him, bending down in front of him. I noticed that he flinched when I put my hands on his knees. He did look at me though, and I could see his eyes watering.

"Why?" he asked, voice breaking. I had no awnser to that - I couldn't remember why.

"I-I don't know. It was the alcohol - I don't drink so I g-guess it went t-to my head. You have to believe me, I never meant to do it. I-I" the tears were running freely now, and I was terrified I would loose him again, that he would leave and I would never see him.

"I tried to stop you, but you were too drunk to think straight and you shoved me away - that hurt - and then to see you kissing another man ... I-I don't know if I can forgive-"

"No, please don't say that." I sobbed. "I'll - I'll prove it to you! I'll do whatever it takes, I swear on my life." I was saying everything I could think of to keep him with me.

He looked down at me, still crouched in front of him, hands on his legs and tears streaming down my face. He looked like he was going to say something, but instead he stood up, making me stand up and back away.

He walked towards me, so close I could hear him breathing. He stood looking down at me for a long moment, before backing away and going to the kitchen, leaving me stood next to the sofa.

He got a glass of water and drunk it whilst leant against the kitchen counter, watching me. I didn't dare move. He finished the water, put the glass in the sink and moved towards me.

Just as I thought he was going to come over to me, he made his way to the door. He took his phone from his trouser pocket, fiddled with it (doing something I couldn't see) and put it on the table next to the door. He didn't lock the phone, so I could see a white screen.

"I'm going out." he said suddenly, grabbing his jacket from the hook and slamming the door behind him. It made me jump, and I ran towards his phone, grabbing for it. It was on the text screen, and I read it, getting that I was supposed to. The text was a draft meant for me, but he hadn't sent it.

"I am writing this at 3.30am, listening to you snore peacefully. I don't know where to start. You were drunk, you shoved me away, left me alone, kissed another guy and you didn't care when I caught you. I know I should be feeling anger or saddness, but no - I feel ... empty. I never thought you would get drunk, let alone cheat. I understand that it was the alcohol influencing you but it still hurt. I know you 'forgave' me when that fan kissed me, but you actually kissed someone else. I think I was writing this as a goodbye, but I can see the picture of us on the table,"

I looked towards it, seeing us in his studio. Eric was hugging me from behind, his head on my shoulder and we both had huge smiles on our faces. Just before the picture had been taken, Eric had put his hat on my head. "Beautiful," he told me, kissing my cheek before going into the pose. I remember JSon taking the photo, I thought vaguely. I carried on reading the text.

"and I think it changed my mind. Despite what you did tonight, I can't be without you again - I just need time. I knew you would read this, so I will tell you one thing - I am not leaving you and I still love you, so much. I have just gone to JSon's place, but please don't come over - I will come home as I promised you the other day. I do not know what time I will be back, so you shouldn't stay awake for my return. See you soon, my angel ♥"

I read it in floods of tears, amazed how kind he had been. I had expected him to leave me, to tell me to pack my bags and get the first flight back - I would if I were in his shoes.

This showed just how amazing he was and how much I didn't deserve him. I knew he had been broken by my actions last night, but it had relieved me to know he still loved me, even if I had been a complete bitch to him.

I put his phone back on the side. I knew why he had left it - so I couldn't call him. I didn't blame him in the slightest.

I shuffled to the bathroom, going through the actions of washing, drying and dressing in leggings and a loose top. I couldn't stomach any food, so it was at just before 1pm that I sunk down on the sofa, curling up in the blanket he had left there from last night.

It smelt like him and it made me cry even more - I needed him and I didn't have him, so this would have to do.

I fell asleep on the sofa at 2pm, surronded by his smell.