The Falling Man

Chapter 38

Ethel POV

I return to the party below, arm and arm with Robert. He lets out an exhale as we descend the stairs. He must really be stressed about this whole business expansion. "Okay, Brother." I say going to make my leave from his side as we reach the bottom of the staircase. The loud booming voices of brummies and Irish men mix together. "No, don't. Stay with me. Stay, stay." He insists. I send him a confused look as he yanks me closer once again as we weave through the guests. "Hello." He greets with a smile to one of the men surrounding us. We reach Gertrude who seems to be making conversation with Tommy and Arthur.

I go to take my leave once again, wanting to grab a drink before returning to talk to the group, but Robert holds onto my hand not allowing me to leave. "Brother." Gertrude states almost scoldingly. To be honest I was surprised she was here after her announcement of leaving the business and her departure from Epsom. I had chased after her, after she left our brothers and Tommy in the tent, but to no avail; she was gone like out of thin air. "Sorry." My brother states, letting go of my hand, finally. As I walk away, I hear a loud shout from Arthur for every one to shut up and that Tommy had a speech.

I turn to watch him as he steps up on the slab of granite in front of Roberts fireplace. "Good evening, everybody...Thank you for coming tonight to celebrate the expansion involving our two very special families. Before we start getting out of hand, uh...Ray has asked to sing another song for us." Ray then steps up and starts singing a somewhat weirdly sad tune for the joyful occasion. I glance and see Fred to my right, making eye contact with my younger brother who looks both very high and drunk. I let out a sigh, before Gertrude joins me at my side. "I am supposed to give a speech on Alfies behalf, I can't do it."

"Don't do it." I tell her simply. "What?" She asks back stunned. "I'll do it. You go, I know you don't want to be here." I tell her. "I can't go and just not say the speech, as his wife." She responds. "Why not?" I ask. "It's too late. I can't leave the family celebration and Alfie told me to say a few words on his behalf, for Gods sake, and he's in France expecting me to say them anyway." "Well, there you go. Is it she didn't want to do it, and that's okay kind of love?" I ask her. "I'm not leaving the party. Everyone would think I am going to kill myself." "Yeah. I'm just saying, if you..." "Go home? How would I even get home? I don't have my car and all the soldiers are already too drunk to drive." She interupts me.

"No, I was just saying..." "I'd have to flag down a taxi just to get hopefully not murdered. I don't know what Alfie will think or what he will say about me not saying his words. Imagine if he found out. Imagine him finding out I not only quit today but didn't give his speech. Imagine if he's in France tweezing his eyebrows, eating bread, and suddenly I call him and tell him. Hello, Alfie..." "Yeah, Okay, you're making this sound intense." I respond. She lets out a big sigh. "The only persons opinion of myself I don't have to worry about is yours."

I looked at her shocked and touched by her admission. The room around us erupts in cheers and applause as Ray finishes his song. "Thank you, Ray, for that beautiful song, uh, apparently written specially for today. I believe it's called...Where's my Ethel?" Tommy says as the room erupts in applause and whoops again as I just purse my lips and try to contain my laugh. "I think what we are doing here is amazing...So...Whew! Fuck me." Tommy continues looking as if he is getting somewhat emotional. Quiet laughs admit from the room before he speaks again. "Sorry. Didn't get much sleep last night. So it turns out it's quite hard to come up with something original to say about success, but I'll have a go...Success is awful."

Scattered chuckles fill the room once again. "It's awful...It's painful. It's freighting. Makes you doubt yourself, judge yourself. Distance yourself from people in your life. Makes you selfish. Makes you dangerous! Makes you obsessed with how you present yourself. Makes you cruel! Makes you say and do things you never thought you would do!" Tommy exclaims. "There's something wrong with your gangster." Gertrude mumbles to me. "It's all any of us want, and it's hell when we get there! So no wonder it's something we don't want to do on our own....I was taught if we're born with drive then life is about choosing the right place to put it. People talk about that a lot, it feeling right. When it feels right, it's easy. But I'm not sure that's true...It takes strength to know what's right...And obtaining success isn't something that weak people do. Being a businessman takes a hell of a lot of hope...I think what they mean is...when you find something that your good at......it feels like hope."