The Falling Man

Chapter 39

Tommy POV

I sit at my kitchen table the day after Epsom, tea turning cold in the mug sat next to me as I stare at the wall. I had given everyone the week off to do as they please as a thank you for their hard work leading up to the expansion. The thoughts running through my head were endless.

Polly had killed Ray last night. Stabbed him in the stomach. He threatened me time and time again, the man had it coming. I asked her to carry out the murder for the reasons of her being tight lipped enough to keep it a secret from not only The Switzers but the rest of the loose lipped Shelby's. I also chose Polly, so myself and my brothers could all have an alibi, so as not to be tied to the murder of the man. She agreed to carry out the stabbing, saying we couldn't have a man who will always be against us involved in the business, who knows what could happen; in her words. The plan was to keep the murder under wraps, hold it as a secret between the two of us. The Switzers would most likely believe it was a Sabini doing, I would talk them out of a war and the world would continue on.

I think about Ethel. How would she feel about the news? I would be lying if the fact he spends time in her bed when I am not, had some involvement in my decision making for the murder. The men I have watching over her apartment had told me of Ray spending many of nights at Ethel's during the time we were not speaking, this fact spread jealousy and anger to my heart.

I am thinking a lot about the pretty woman in this moment, as I always am. I thought it was the right decision to be together, I saw her face in my mind during what I thought were my last moments. But when I didn't die and was snapped back to earth, stepping out of what was supposed to be my grave, I realized that no matter how much I loved her I could never deal with the heartbreak of her being put in a position of danger because of myself and the life I live. I am tired of the mental battle of loving her and wanting to be with her but fearing for her safety every step of the way.

It seems everytime I allow myself to love her, there is always something that shows me a sign to not. First it was the fox, the night after the clubs on the park bench. Then it was the gun shot on her road the night she confessed all her inner thoughts, wants, and feelings. Lastly, it was me being hauled off in a van to my death after a morning of my own confessions and love making. The decision was final, and for the best.

I hear Polly enter the house, returning from the shops I assume. She walks into the kitchen and I clear my throat. "I asked May Carleton to join us for dinner this evening." I say to Polly with a blank face. "Sorry?" My Aunt asks astonished by my statement. "I asked May Carleton, the woman who trained the horse, to join us for dinner this evening." I state again. "Stand up." Pol says. "What?" I ask. "Stand up now." She states. I ash my cigarette and stare at her for a moment before rising from my seat. "What's this all about then, Pol?" I ask exasperated. "Who's Ethel having dinner with tonight?" She ponders to me. "Don't know." I respond with a shrug. "So maybe she will be by herself and grieving the loss of her first love." She states.

"Yeah. Possibly. I don't know." I say blankly. "And you don't think maybe you should have stayed in London and seen her? Seeing as how you ordered a kill on her ex lover so he can't be near her?" She asks angrily. "Quite an assumption to be making." I state throwing my burned through cigarette in the ash tray. "Well, feel free to explain it in your own words, Thomas...What exactly is the arrangement? You go over to her house, you stick your cock in her, and then she's not allowed to be with you or anyone for that matter. Is that it?" Polly exclaims. "What do you mean by that? Allowed?" I ask.

"Have you told her how you feel about her? When you are alone, are you a nicer version of Tommy? Have you told her how you feel? Or just say I'm interested in you, even?" She asks me angrily. "I have told her I love her." I blurt out agitated. "You're fucking May!" She shouts. "Pol, stop you're shouting, eh?!" I raise my voice slightly. "You're fucking May, and then you go off and you tell Ethel you love her." She says scoldingly. "It's not like that. You're twisting it now, you are." I respond releasing a breath, pointing at her. "What are you afraid of, Thomas? What the families would think of you if they find out you loved her? I'll say what I think of you...I think you're too much of a disgrace for that woman. And I'm ashamed you would treat her that way." She states going to grab her purse.