Kismet | ENGLOT

Chapter 32

Engfa's POV:

The campus buzzed with the energy of students rushing to classes, their chatter filling the air as I dragged myself to another lecture. The days had started to blur into one another, and though I buried myself in studies, pouring every ounce of energy into college, the ache in my chest remained—like a phantom that refused to let me go.

It had been a month since I'd started college, but the pain from the day Charlotte left me still lingered, shadowing my every step. No matter how hard I tried to stay present, my mind often wandered, replaying memories of her—her laughter, the way her hand fit so perfectly in mine, the gentle way she would look at me as if I were her entire world. Those memories felt like a lifetime ago, as if I had lived an entirely different existence in some alternate reality. Now, without her, this life I was trying to build felt hollow, like an unfamiliar dimension where the air was heavier and colours less vibrant.

I remembered the unbearable pain I felt when I realised she was gone—the helplessness, the anger, the sorrow that clawed at me every waking moment. The nights I cried myself to sleep, clutching her letter and replaying her words over and over in my mind. Her absence was a constant, throbbing ache, and yet, her voice lingered in my heart, urging me forward: Please, live your life. Laugh loudly. Love deeply.

I was trying. God, I was trying so hard. But it wasn't easy. Every step forward felt like a betrayal, and yet, I clung to the memory of her smile—the thought that she would want this for me. She was my happiness, my reason to believe in love, and though the void she left was vast and unbearable, it was my love for her that kept me going.

The memory of those first few weeks after she and Mr. Austin left was still fresh. My parents had been there, trying their best to comfort me. My mom cooked all my favourite meals, even though I could barely eat. My dad, the man I had once resented so deeply, stayed close, offering quiet support in a way that spoke louder than words. They both stood beside me, their presence steady and grounding.

And then there were my friends—Nessa, Patcha, Heidi, and Tina. They had refused to leave my side, even when I pushed them away in my grief. The night before I left for college, they had all gathered at my house for a send-off, determined to remind me that I wasn't alone.

I remembered sitting on the couch, surrounded by them, their energy filling the room in a way that made the house feel a little less empty. Nessa, always the loudest, was the first to break the silence. "P'Fa," she said, her voice soft but filled with determination. "You know she'd want you to be happy, right? She'd want you to keep going."

Patcha nodded, her usual playfulness subdued. "Charlotte loved you too much to want you stuck in the past. Wherever she is now, I bet she's cheering you on."

Heidi, ever pragmatic, leaned forward, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "You're doing the right thing, Fa. Going to college, chasing your dreams—it's what she wanted for you. You're honouring her by living your life."

Tina, quiet but deeply empathetic, reached for my hand. "She's a part of you, Fa. That kind of love doesn't just disappear. It stays with you, even when it feels like you're alone."

I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. "I miss her," I whispered, my voice breaking. "Every second of every day, I miss her."

"We know," Nessa said, pulling me into a hug as the others joined in, their arms wrapping around me like a protective cocoon. "But we're here for you, Fa. Every step of the way."

Their words echoed in my mind now as I walked across campus, their unwavering support my anchor during the storm. I clutched the strap of my bag tightly, willing myself to stay grounded as I fought against the wave of emotions threatening to pull me under.