Runaway Rogue

Chapter Twenty Two: Caspian's POV

Forest had tried to console Caspian when they returned to the parklands. Everything was fine, she had just taken a wrong turn and ended up going for a further drive than anyone expected. It wasn't worth thinking about. She would be back eventually and his paranoia would be for nothing.

Caspian had believed him. Maybe the roads were more confusing to an outsider. She would come back. They were cooking together tonight. She liked cooking with him. And, he thought that she was starting to see her loosen up. Once, when he almost dumped an unholy amount of salt into a dish, she howled with laughter. She walked around his pack with him, drank beverages with him in the morning. Her smiles were not so hard to win now, her touches still infrequent, but surprisingly tender.

It happened so suddenly; he could identify the very moment he lost hope. He was sitting on his couch, pretending to watch the TV, but his focus was caught on every passing pair of headlights, ears straining for the distinctive rumble of his truck. Then, like a switch flipped, he knew that she wouldn't be coming home. And all his thoughts of being with her, of her in his home, of her waiting for him when he worked late nights, vanished.

He shut off the television and heaved himself off to bed. He wished that he would find her there, curled about under a bundle of blankets in the morning, but wasn't surprised at her absence.

He couldn't explain how he knew, couldn't explain how he felt either. He was just certain that she wasn't coming back.

"Any sign of her?" Forest asked the following afternoon when he called Caspian over for a meeting.

"No," Caspian ground out.

"Maybe we should send someone out to search for her. Is your wolf telling you anything? I don't want to freak you out obviously, but there's a chance your truck broke down or something or she got a flat. She might be stranded and too scared to ask for help."

"No," Caspian said flatly, trying not to snarl when sweet Anabelle appeared in the office, leaning over Forest to kiss his forehead.

"Caspian, give her a chance," Forest encouraged. "She's new here and going through a lot of changes. Can you imagine being a rogue then being forced into a pack? I can't."

It was a fair statement. All Caspian knew was pack life and looking out for his fellow wolves. He would lay his life down for any of his friends in a heartbeat. To go from being alone to this intense of a community life would be hard. Somehow, he knew that wasn't the reason she left.

"It's not that," he grumbled, scrubbing a hand over his face. His stubble almost seemed to bite back. He needed to shave, but everything seemed so hard all of the sudden. "I think she's gone for good."

"She's your mate. There's no way she's just going to disappear, not without you," Forest insisted.

It was easy to say that when his mate seemed to bask in his glow, when she would gush about her work to him, and dote on him. Caspian didn't have that.

"She left, Forest. And when she went into heat, she ran away from me. I was an idiot for even trying to find her. She doesn't want me. That's it. It's not complicated. I won't chase someone who can't even be bothered to stay around for me." His wolf howled, but the protest was feeble and wounded.

"Casp--"

"Can we just move on?"

And so, they did. They talked about the financial needs of the pack, how they planned to stimulate their tiny economy to the best of their abilities, which members needed more support. They brought up conflicts in the surrounding areas, mindful of which ones could impact territory lines, which ones would be of concern for them.

"Andrew said he's going to be in touch in regards to his missing mate," Forest said.

"That man needs to accept that his mate is either dead or never going to be found," Caspian stated plainly, folding his arms over his chest.

"Come on man, be fair."

"I am. I have a mate who is not here. She left and took my fucking truck with her. If she wants to get away from me so badly then what right do I have to hunt her down? And that's on the off chance that Andrew's mate isn't long dead."

Forest looked like he wanted to argue but thought better of it. "Regardless, he's sending us the most recent picture he has of her so we can keep an eye out."

Caspian rose from his chair. "Great, is that everything?"

Forest watched him for a moment, a weight heavy on his shoulders. "Caspian, I'm worried about you."

"Don't be. I'm fine. I'm going back to how I was. Everything will be how it used to be in no time. You should be grateful, really. Now your beta is more focused on the pack than ever before."

Forest didn't smile, if anything, his expression darkened. "As if I need you more dedicated to the pack than you already are. I'm not worried about you as an alpha, I'm worried about you as a friend. And if you think that I didn't see how much you were struggling before Indigo showed up, then you are sorely mistaken. When I saw you with her, it was like you came to life. I want to see you like that for the rest of our time on this planet. I don't want you to go back to whatever you were before."

Caspian felt like dropping to his knees and burying his head in his hands. Instead, he kept every emotion off his face and kept his voice steady. "She left, Forest. I will not stoop low enough to force her back here. If she wants to go, that's her choice, not mine."

"Mate bond are strong, we could find her, and--"

"No," Caspian said, his voice surprisingly firm. "I will not force someone to stay here against their will and I will not force someone to love me."

Forest said nothing, just watched his best friend go, wishing he could fix the unfixable.

Caspian tried to convince himself to cook. He had learned a couple basic recipes now. He could certainly feed himself if he wanted to. Very suddenly, freezer pizza seemed to fit the bill. Not great, and a little sad. Kind of like how his life seemed to be going. He vaguely wondered if he would try cooking again or if it would always be tied to her in some way.

And he thought that maybe Forest was right, that he should go after her. He chewed on the crust, trying to think about something, anything other than her. His mind would not let him. He could find her. He knew he could. His wolf was howling in agreement. Maybe if he just let his wolf out a little, he would see her again.

He was up and off the couch, his sad pizza slices forgotten. It was no big deal, he wasn't doing anything rash, not really. He just deserved an explanation, that's all. He just wanted to know why she couldn't stand to be with him. Maybe he could convince her otherwise. Maybe she would want to come home with him when she saw his effort.

He could drag her here if he needed to, just like Forest said. No, he wouldn't do that.

His legs carried him back over to Forest's house. It was Anabelle who answered his heavy knocks.

"Caspian, hey," she greeted. "Forest is just in the shower--"

"That's fine. Do you think he would mind if I borrowed your car?"

"Oh, no, not at all," she said, grabbing the keys off a nearby hook. "I'm so sorry about everything that happened. Forest told me she took your--"

"Thanks, Ana. I'll bring them back as soon as I'm done," he called out, already walking off.

This was fine. This was a good idea. A great idea even. He wouldn't have to wonder about all his faults and his flaws. She would tell him to his face what was so terrible. He deserved that closure after waiting for her for years.

He climbed into Anabelle's car, not at all bothered by the fruity air freshener or by the idea that his brain had no idea where he was going.

And it wasn't until he reached the outskirts of the nearest city that he felt the wild, unbearable warmth in his chest. His heat was returning and it was going to lead him right to her.

This time, he knew he wouldn't be able to fight his wolf.

~~~Question of the Day~~~

Have you ever done any unique activities while on vacation?