Something, Nothing

CHAPTER 18

CHAPTER 18 — TO THE CARNIVAL

"You're not going?" I ask Shiv when I notice him still standing with me when the others have already started walking away.

"Shut up," he scowls at me.

I raise my shoulders a little. The other two had wanted to go to this carnival nearby but I declined their invitation. I assumed Shiv would be going with them as well, but he hung back.

"You don't ha-"

"I thought I told you to shut up," he cuts me off, and then, "I'm going to get a milkshake. You want one?"

I shake my head. He just huffs, rolling his eyes and walks away. I walk slowly behind him, grateful for the momentary moment to be by myself. I don't think I know how to behave around him anymore. He's clearly very mad at me and whatever I'm saying annoys him. I try to think if it was always like this, but weirdly I can't remember.

He comes back to my side and hands me a brown paper bag. I open it and find a doughnut.

"Thank you,"

He went to Uncle Bob's to get his milkshake and their doughnut is literally one of the best. I always get a doughnut whenever I'm within the vicinity of the shop. He remembered.

"Are you mad with me or something?" Shiv asks suddenly.

"What?" I turn to him, taken aback.

"You heard me," he shakes his head lightly, "Just tell me if you're mad,"

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"I don't know," he exclaims, "But you stopped talking to me all of a sudden. And..." he sighs, "I don't know,"

"I'm not mad at you, Shiv," I tell him, "I just... needed some time to think," that's as close to the truth as I can get.

"About?"

"Things," I kept talking so that he won't prod at the particularity anymore, "And I'm back now, aren't I? I was going to call you, you know. Before you texted,"

I was actually planning to call him — a day or two before I left for college, but he doesn't have to know the specifics.

He only grunted in reply.

"I'm sorry, Shiv,"

"Will you at least try to respond to my texts from now on?"

"I will," I tell him but he and I both know I'm not that great when it comes to keeping promises but at least he lets it slide.

He starts filling me in more about his life and what he's been up to, particularly the things that he didn't share with the others around. Now that I think about it, I'm not the only one who doesn't feel entirely like myself within our little friend group. Shiv does talk to them a lot and hangs out with them, but he always saves these little bits of information and stories and only shares them with me.

I glance at him as he's animatedly describing a girl he met just last week on campus. I could ask him about it, but I don't. Now I get how we've remained friends for all these past years.

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Shiv comes back to my house and joins for dinner. I did not invite him, and I didn't really have to. He's been over here so many times that my house may be his second house as well. I have the same familiarity with his house as well.

But the same can't be said for the bond he has with my family. Sometimes I can't help but feel that my family wished they had Shiv as their child or brother instead of me. My father actually talks to him and even Aarnav treats him properly. There's no use denying the envy I have over Shiv when it comes to this.

And within a few minutes of our return, it's more than clear just because I wasn't home didn't stop Shiv from coming over. This was news to me; my mother had somehow failed to mention this to me when she recounted her everyday activities when I would call her. Was it intentional?

I couldn't stop but ruminate over the littlest exchanges between Shiv and my family. One good thing did come out of it, I was left alone. No one asked me any questions or even looked my way. I have always wanted that, but right now, it doesn't feel as relieving as it should have been.

Shiv left a little after ten. I expect my mother or at least Aarnav to start interrogating me regarding what I've been up to today, but they don't. They continue minding their own business. I shake my head to myself, reminding myself that this is exactly what I've always wanted and go up to my own room.

↢∞↣

Shiv picks me up again from the workshop two days later. This time instead of the pier, we're going to a carnival nearby. I did not want to go, of course, but it's not like I was given a choice either. Shiv also picks up Ruby and Yaakob on the way. It takes us around forty minutes to reach the carnival.

It does not look as crowded as I thought it would be but we were fairly early.

Ruby rubs her hands together and turns to face us, "What should we do first?"

Yaakob raises his hand with the first and maybe only suggestion, "Eat?"

"Pig," Ruby scowls at him, "You just ate,"

"So?

Ruby just shakes her head, but we head to the stalls anyway. The lights are turned on gradually and as expected more people start streaming in. We go into the 'House of Mirrors' next and somehow somewhere inside it I get separated from them. I don't bother looking for them and try to find my way out since I know I'll see them outside anyways.

After bumping into some mirrors and possibly losing a few brain cells on the way, I find my way out. I assume I'm the first one to make it out since I don't see any familiar faces around.

I take my phone out, thinking I should probably leave Shiv a message when I hear a recognisable voice. It takes me a minute to place the voice and as soon as I do, panic filters through me.

It can't be.

I turn towards the source and scan the crowd before me. I hear the voice again and my gaze follows the direction and- fuck.

Is that him?

His back is facing me, but it looks and sounds quite like him.

I swivel back around and take a few steps away and another couple of steps away just to make sure I'm hidden from his general view. Where did they say this carnival was taking place again?

I'm sure it came up when we were initially discussing coming to the carnival, but as usual I wasn't really listening so that bit of information eludes me. I quickly check the location and fuck!

Someone grabs my shoulder and I yelp in fright before I realise it's only my friends.

"Where have you guys brought me?!" I hiss at them, looking over their shoulder once again.

"To the carnival," Shiv answers, glancing at me up and down, "Did you lose your mind in there or something?"

"No," I scowl at him, "I mean, what place is this exactly?"

"Willsbury," Ruby answers, "My relatives live here. My cousins are the one who told me about this carnival. Speaking of them, I should go find them. Unless you need me he-"

"We have to leave this place immediately," I blurt out without even thinking.

"What?" they all ask in tandem, looking at me weirdly.

"We-,"

"He's probably just freaked out a little bit," Shiv interferes, and waves at the other two, "You guys go ahead. I'll stay with him,"

They don't need much convincing and go away.

"No, Shiv. You-"

"Aarvin?" I freeze, hearing my name being called out from behind me.

"Dude, someone's calling you," Shiv supplies unhelpfully, as if I needed any confirmation.

I don't need to turn around to confirm who it is but still it is equally as jarring when I see her.

"Sun Ling,"

↢∞↣