Voiceless - muke - COMPLETED

~four~

Michael:

I slammed the door of the back exit from school.

Fragile? Fragile? That's a great way to talk about someone when they're not there.

Now I had been given Minders, which pissed me off more and more by the second. I was being treated like a four year old. All I wanted was to go to school, sit on my own in a class and learn without being bothered by things like group work or people trying to talk to me.

People suck.

And they never seem to understand either. They tell me to "get over it" or just ask "what's the big deal?"

The truth is with any mental problem, you cant understand unless you have it yourself. A physical injury can stop you but is only as bad as it appears. A mental problem spreads, and it stops you more and more as time goes by. Soon you just stop working.

I started my 15 minute walk home, not really wanting to go there either though.

I loved my mother, but I didn't like the house. My room seemed tiny. All I had was four walls, and it's not hard to feel so small in there. (get the sws reference? we can be friends)

It was just a room, where I was left to simmer in my own hatred. Curtains closed, dark air and me, that's how it was gonna be from now on I guess.

I wanted to shove earbuds in my ears, it would probably make the journey less boring but I was just too bothered by the thought someone might jump out at me, or someone laughing at me and calling me names that I wouldn't be able to hear.

I like to be aware, so I didn't play any music.

I strolled through the door, being greeted by my mum, she offered me dinner but she knew the answer was no. Not because I have an eating disorder, because I don't, I just don't get hungry.

She sighed sadly and nodded, kissing my cheek and telling me to go have fun on the ps4 she had recently bought me. I think it was just something to occupy my mind, maybe she was hoping to get me brainwashed enough that she could come in whilst I played and feed me something without me thinking about it.

I did get hungry sometimes, and I did eat sometimes. Apparently SOMETIMES isn't often enough but I haven't collapsed once from hunger. Some food some days just made me feel sick so I'd have to throw it up, that doesn't mean I have a problem.

I sat in front of my TV, ignoring all noise from outside my window as I played Mayday Parade and started quests I wouldn't be able to complete.