Voiceless - muke - COMPLETED

~nineteen~

since the sleeping with sirens video for Better Off Dead released today, I took this turn for this chapter only really to show another side of Michael. trigger of suicidal thoughts- don't read if it'll upset you x

Michael:

Luke clung to me the next day, linking his arm with mine wherever we walked. And if he spoke to me or asked me a question I would nod and smile, but today was one of those days.

One of those days I felt death creeping up on me like a dark cloud.

I tried to ignore these thoughts, I hadn't really had them since meeting Luke but I should have known they wouldn't stay away forever.

If I could describe it to someone who hadn't heard of it before, I would tell them to imagine a figure dressed in black following so close behind you, they're hovering over your shoulder. Then the figure would speak to you and tell you things that you don't want to hear, but can't ignore. Then even if the figure leaves you their words stay and replay in your mind till they burn out and get replaced with something else.

The bell for the end of school rang and I was about to crumble from all the weight in my head, just words and thoughts I was having about myself. I didn't know how much longer I could keep it in before it all overflowed and I burst into tears.

"Michael?" Luke's voice broke me out of my trance, he looked at me with a worried expression.

I looked back at him.

"I said do you wanna come to my house today?" He asked. Any other day I would say yes but right now I was running out of time.

I shook my head silently but also quickly, trying to brush past him but he stopped me, grabbing my hand.

"Michael you seem off, are you sure you don't want to come over?"

I nodded and ripped my hand from his sharply, walking home quickly, all the while the voices in my head were getting louder.

I stormed in my house, knowing my mum wasn't home I slumped against the door and fell to the carpet.

"Stop, Please." I whimpered. "You promised you'd stop. I made you stop remember?"

'You cant make us do anything'

I groaned and wiped the tears flowing down my cheeks. "I-I c-can't deal with t-this anymo-ore."

'Maybe you're better off dead...'

My eyes widened. Why would they say that?

'You can't talk properly, not even to Luke. You're not even living right now.'

I boiled over in anger, standing up and running to my bedroom, diving face down on the bed as I screamed into the pillow.

"Not again! I'm never listening to you again! Leave me alone!" I yelled.

'You'll listen to us eventually, who else do you have to listen to that didn't get bored of trying and leave you?'

I rolled onto the floor with a thud and leant up against my bed, ignoring the pain in my side from falling. I looked around me- four blank walls. They made me feel alone, maybe because this was all I had or maybe because I was here alone.

But I had been alone for so long I didn't really know why I was only thinking about this now.

I just wanted someone I could trust.. and maybe they could make me feel like enough.

Maybe that person was here already.

THE AMOUNT OF SWS REFERENCES IN HERE IS PAINFUL XD

SO SHORTER UPDATE WITH NOT MUCH INFO BUT YEAH I KNOW THIS BOOK NEEDED UPDATING SO HI :3 ILY THANKYOU FOR READING X