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It crept up slowly, that frustrationA shadow growing within meFed by doubt, by fear, by the whisper of failure  That seemed louder than anything elseI was young, eighteen, a barely formed adultYet I felt the weight of the world pressing on my ches...

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It crept up slowly, that frustration
A shadow growing within me
Fed by doubt, by fear, by the whisper of failure 
That seemed louder than anything else
I was young, eighteen, a barely formed adult
Yet I felt the weight of the world pressing on my chest
Telling me I was already behind
Useless, I thought, just a kid who did homework 
And watched life move on without her
I looked in the mirror and saw not myself 
But a stranger, someone I resented
For not being more, for not being enough
I pushed myself, stretched too thin
Trying to be everything 
I thought the world demanded of me
And in the chaos of expectation
I became my own worst enemy
Isn't it strange? Isn't it cruel? 
To tear yourself apart 
Because the world hasn't given you a place yet
I felt old, too old to dream
Too late to build something meaningful
But deep down, I was just a scared young adult
Still learning what it means to live
I tried to race ahead of time
To outrun the uncertainty
But I only buried myself deeper
Lost in a pit of "what-ifs" and "not-yets" 
It's a black hole, 
And it takes everything you have to climb out
No one prepares you for the silence
For the ache of seeing others move forward 
While you're standing still
No one tells you how much it hurts 
To confront your flaws
To wrestle with your insecurities
To face the truth of your own reflection
They don't teach you how to dream again 
When the first one collapses
And loving yourself? 
That's the hardest thing of all
A battle you fight every day
With no map, no guide, no certainty
I'm still fighting
Still trying to hold onto hope 
When the darkness threatens to pull me back in
I want to live, truly live, while I am young
While the world is still wide and waiting
Not rushing ahead 
Not weighed down by the fear of failing again
But breathing, seeing, becoming
Because life isn't measured by a timeline 
Or the expectations of others
It's found in the quiet moments
In the small victories
In the courage to dream again
Even when it feels impossible
I am not useless
I am not my failures
I am still here
And that is enough.

There's a type of relationship I now avoidA flame I've been too close toOne that seared my soul  And left scars where there once was tendernessIt's not the person who haunts me anymore  I've forgotten himThough I once thought I never couldNo, it's...

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There's a type of relationship I now avoid
A flame I've been too close to
One that seared my soul 
And left scars where there once was tenderness
It's not the person who haunts me anymore 
I've forgotten him
Though I once thought I never could
No, it's the echo of what we were
The patterns we fell into, the way we twisted love 
Until it became something unrecognizable
We were young, reckless with each other's hearts
There were moments of sweetness
Of shared laughter
But they were drowned out by manipulation
By immaturity that neither of us could escape
It wasn't entirely his fault, nor mine
We were mirrors reflecting each other's flaws
Amplifying the worst parts of ourselves 
Until the love we thought we had 
Crumbled beneath the weight of our mistakes
Looking back, I wonder
What might have been different 
If we had been wiser
If we had approached each other with care 
Instead of with the desperation
Of wanting to be loved
But then again
Perhaps that's what love is in its rawest form
Messy, imperfect, a place where growth begins
We were not right for each other
But maybe we were right for the time
We met, we loved, we broke
And in the wreckage, we found pieces of ourselves
I've cried over it, even years later
Not because I miss him 
But because I miss the version of myself 
Who loved so deeply, even if it was flawed
I mourn the girl who didn't know yet 
What she deserved, who thought love was enough 
To excuse the pain it brought
I've said goodbye to her too
Just as I've said goodbye to him
He came back, not once, but three times
Each time, my heart broke a little more
But not in the way it once did
This time, the breaking was different
It was the kind of breaking that makes space 
For something stronger to grow
I said no, and though it hurt
It was the kind of hurt that heals
I've learned that some bridges 
Are not meant to be crossed again
That some fires are not meant to be reignited
We were a lesson, not a destiny
And while the love I felt for him was unique
It is not irreplaceable
Love will come again, in a form I can't yet imagine
Perhaps stronger, perhaps softer
But undoubtedly different
For now, I hold onto the greatest thing 
This experience has given me
The knowledge that I am enough, 
That I deserve a love 
That doesn't burn me to ashes 
But lights my way forward.

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