I am alone and I wish I could claw out this emptiness from my heart. All around me, I see people with things to live for. My parents as expecting grandparents, my sister with a life of motherhood ahead of her, my other sister with noble goals she wants to fulfill for her family and the world, and my youngest sister who is as full of life as life itself. What do I live for? Is there any reason here for me to be alive? Is there anything I have to look forward to? Is there anything I love that I can expect to take this feeling away? I am alone. I am alone. And this world does not charm me. And I am not able to trick myself into thinking that it could any longer. I am a bad person. I have done many bad things. I am alone because I do not deserve happiness. I have so much still though. So much that I do not know what to do with. If I was intelligent, if I was useful, maybe I would warrant some worth on this planet. I am nothing. I feel nothing. I think I will have nothing. There is so much anger inside me. I am so angry at the people I love. I am so angry for them not knowing how to love me. I am so angry I have to ask for it. I know I am blessed to have them, I just do not know what I am... doing. I am angry for not deserving what love they give me. I am angry for being bad. I am angry for being... me. I am ungrateful. I am lost. I am not deserving of good in this world and the next. I will die, and I will have lived for nothing. I ruin things. I ruin things. What scrap of flesh did I amount to be? Why am I still here? Why me?
