I read a LinkedIn post just now. The content was related to something else entirely, but what struck out the most, and completely by happenstance, was one singular sentence.
"One should strive for excellence, without focusing on the results"
The sentence didn't end there, but boy, my life sure did. It's simple sentences like this, reminders, things I think about all night, because, let's face it, I am usually up almost all nights.
Another sentence comes to mind.
"The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary."
That sentence does end there...
I try to make sense of the things I have done in my life, things that I am doing still, and nothing really makes sense. It's like watching an out-of-body experience. And yet, I... I don't know, everything at once feels like something I wouldn't have done in a million years and something that is exactly like something I would do.
I am a mess. I am not even a pretty, almost romantically broken mess. Garbage and hate and all things disgusting. There is no coming back from this. Bad people don't get second chances. And dumb people, they don't even deserve a chance.
I am so confused. I am... so... confused...
What am I even doing? What have I even been doing? What have I done...
