it was always her - billie eilish

the road

getting a rental car as a group of 19 year olds was no easy task, but somehow we found a spot. once we made it to the rental spot, i call my manager. she was the one to originally find a spot and get us the car. i'd explained to her the situation, two evil exes and one car, to which she quickly fixed. after a surprisingly brief conversation with management she had secured us a second rental. i didn't know how i was going to play it off, but at least i had just saved us from the longest car ride of our lives. renting two cars rather than one was a pretty obvious way to communicate that i had every intention to avoid syd for as much of the trip as possible. it was also pretty clear that i wasn't going to get away with this without it being relentlessly pointed out and referenced throughout the trip. there was also the uncomfortable position we had put bella in. who will she ride with? who's side is she going to take? which friend was she going to choose over the other? god! that's what makes this all so insufferably annoying. it was bella's trip, and now it's the syd and sage show. fuck, really it's all four of us and poor bella is now the exact opposite of the center of attention. in fact, it's worse. she's the non consenting mediator for all of us.

"guess my manager accidentally rented two cars." i toss a pair of keys to syd, knowing immediately that my excuse was a clear lie "know where you're going?" quickly pocketing the other set, ready to avoid any further questioning. nothing a quick conversation changer couldn't fix.

"no, cant say i do." she looks down to the keys in her hand "pretty convenient accident, how nice you won't have to share a car with your ex. never were keen on letting other people drive."

"super convenient." sage agrees with a tight lipped smile "i know where we are going, had bella send me the address on the bus ride here. i'll drive."

i shrug "lets get going then." i turn, scanning the lot for the black forester.

"who are you driving with bell?" syd asks.

"uhh..." she looks to syd and then me "shit, too bad you didn't accidentally rent three."

"start with us, then half way through we'll stop for gas and supplies for the week. you can switch cars then." i explain, starting the walk over to the car. i couldn't wait a second longer, i don't know what i'm going to do once we are stuck in the same house. i guess i'll solve that problem once we get there, one thing at a time.

we load everything into the car, billie offering to drive as she picked up on the fact that i never actually slept during the flight. the drive was looking to be a long one. just about 4 hours.

"sorry about this, bella." billie looks back to her "i promise you i have no intention on egging anyone on. i'm going to do what i can to keep everything between them short and sweet."

"not your fault, i'm pretty peeved too." she kicks her feet up on the seats to her side "but hey, we'll still have fun. nothing we cant all get over for a couple days, right?"

i grit my teeth. it was easy for her to say that, maybe it was sarcasm. at least i hope it is. i'd hope she knew me better enough to know that this was not something i can "get over". but i'd try for her, i guess.

"guess we should get going then." billie starts the car, having me connect to the aux.

the drive is pretty, a light rain coating the windows for most of the drive. we go through the city first, starting in a small (for denver) neighborhood, then passing by downtown, then through an even smaller town, then for a while it's just mountain. the road itself is honestly horrifying, but the views made up for it. both sides were surrounded by huge rocky mountains. to the right we were driving directly next to a towering mountain side, road signs warning of falling rocks around every bend. the other side though, fuck. a river separated the two mountains, down below the road. it was fast and furious, yet still so beautiful. if you looked up you'd see a mountain side covered in trees and just by looking at it, it seemed completely untouched by man. no houses, or buildings, or anything. just pure nature, i finally fall asleep after we pass through an abnormally long tunnel and when i wake up we are settled in the lot of a gas station. the windows are down, and the rain had stopped. it still smells like rain and gas, two of my favorite scents. my music is paused now, my phone nearing its last leg. i sit my chair back up rubbing my eyes and finding a large sweet tea now placed in my cup holder. i pop my door open, deciding to stop inside to use the restroom and stretch my legs before it was my turn to drive.