it was always her - billie eilish

deep blue

i wake up the next morning, still curled into billie's side. her fingers are brushing through my hair periodically, as she stirs slightly in her sleep. the window is lightly covered in rain droplets and the birds can faintly be heard chirping in the background. i stretch, just enough to satisfy without waking her up. as my body begins to wake up, i smell the pine trees and rain begin to drift through the open window. it's freezing in the bedroom, the cold night still somehow present. i snuggle closer into her, the pine and rain smell, now replaced with her. it's woody and floral, with some notes of black pepper. it's the most peaceful i've felt in a millennium. last night's activities are now blurry memories that are slowly beginning to piece themselves together. i lay with her for a while, nothing else, no music, phone, or tv. just her and i in the quiet cabin. it's almost as if it really is just us for a moment, no syd or sage, not even bella. just us.

"hi baby." her eyes are still closed, her voice groggy and almost raspy. her head leans over to rest on top of mine, she leaves a soft kiss on my temple, the arm wrapped around me pulling me in closer. "what time is it."

"good morning." i finally say, letting her too take in the beautiful woodland noise. it hadn't occurred to me to look at the time. my arm stretches out behind me, lightly tapping across the bed in search of my phone, but to no avail. i slowly sit up, pulling myself away from her. my phone is sat at the foot of the bed, tucked away beneath the second blanket that still sat neatly folded. 7:56. far too early for a morning on vacation. i lay back into her tilting my head up just enough to kiss her jawline. "it's still early. go back to bed, lover."

she groans, her eyes finally fluttering open "i think im up." her lips stretch into a half smile "it'll be nice to have the morning to ourselves, anyway."

we stay in the warm bed for as long as we can. we don't say much, both just soaking in the rare quiet. it almost amazes me that quiet like this exists. it's not something you could easily find in california. while my life goes on day by day, growing busier by the minute, this place exists day by day in the same near silence. i'm almost envious, maybe of the people who get to live this life, or perhaps of the place itself. that the trees, the animals, the bugs, and everything that lives within it has the opportunity to live like this. eventually, we drag ourselves out of the bed. it creeks as we move, making us both cringe. instinctually, we both grab our shower bags and sneak across the hallway and up the short two steps into the bathroom. it's small, but enough to fit the both of us. we brush our teeth first, sharing the cabinet mirror lined with dark stained wood. the wood moves under us as we shift around, almost as if the cabin has decided the peace and quiet was over. billie runs a brush through her hair, as i start the shower. i hear the lock click, and her light foot steps approach behind me. her hands slide down my waist, pulling my shirt off over my head. i turn, a sleepy smile on my face as i help her do the same. she slowly pulls the jaw strings of my too big pajama pants, my hand pushes them the rest of the way down. i can't help but notice the way she's staring at me, it's a longing stare, but also somehow much more than that. it's like there's layers to it, lust, longing, understanding, loving. it's almost overwhelming. the bathroom is also connected to sage and sydney's room, by the same thin walls that connected our rooms. we had to be quiet, both of us now all the way undressed, quietly step in between the shower curtains. the heat of the shower quickly warms me back up, billie very eagerly waiting for her turn to be fully under the water. we proceed with our usual shower routine, with some quick kisses sprinkled in. it isn't until about halfway through our shower that we hear a faint squeaking in the bedroom beside us. i turn to billie, with a raised eyebrow. quickly, the sound becomes harsher and is accompanied by a very loud, very obnoxious, and very clearly over exaggerated moaning.

billie covers her mouth, choking back laughs "no fucking way." she draws out her words in a jokingly shaky whisper, her hand slides up her face and through her hair, a also very exaggerated eye roll following.