Illusions ➵ Frerard, Petekey, Ryden

16. Where Things Go Wrong

The world was spinning for Patrick Stump.

And not in the cool, excited way you feel after you've just stepped off your favourite rollercoaster or fairground ride. The way you feel after you've smoked your first joint, the way you feel just after you've come down from the happiest emotions you've ever felt, the way you are when you're sitting on your kitchen floor alone staring at the too-clean bleached flooring, that lump in your throat when you're about to cry but not quite there yet.

Patrick's whole vision was blurry yet too good to be true. He wasn't high anymore, he'd drunk a gallon of coffee and slept a few hours, but he felt the bile arise in his stomach, the churning and sloshing like butter and water, and in an instant Patrick was scrambling to his feet and puking in the sink, watching the contents of his belly pour disgustingly in the bowl.

He looked terrible: all exhausted and sweaty, his strawberry blonde hair sticking to his face, his grey eyes dull and worn out. He was wearing a pair of his old jogging bottoms and Pete's old Metallica t shirt he'd left after they'd had a sleepover a month back.

Stop thinking about Pete. He's not yours, you're Brendon's, your boyfriend is Brendon now, who's obsessed with Ryan but still. Patrick knew the best thing to do was to break it off with Brendon Urie, but he couldn't find it in himself to tell the taller boy, because Brendon seemed chirpier than normal, and they had sex a lot, and constantly slagged off Ryan and Pete, but neither of them had the connection. They didn't have the spark.

What a load of bullshit. Even being little optimistic Patrick Stump, he knew that 'spark' didn't exist. That was a man made adjective used when you were in love. If there was such thing as a spark, it must be what Patrick and Pete had. What Ryan and Brendon had. What Frank and Gerard had.

Bob had been awfully nice, and ended up handing Patrick the stuff for half the price, saying something about him looking very cute and innocent, which obviously the drug dealer didn't care about as he just allowed Patrick to fuck up his life with shit not worth it, like he was Gerard Way or something, but really, Bob didn't care as long as he got the money, to be honest.

Patrick hadn't moved for three hours, he'd been perched there on the strongly smelling tiles, yet was standing up now hunched over the sink although not about to throw anything up. His stomach was empty, so now he was just dry heaving nothing, his face turning a bright red colour, until he heard his name echoing around him, sort of like someone was whispering, yet he knew someone was speaking loudly, and his ears were ringing, and fuck.

Patrick's heart was pumping as he tried to turn around, realising that it was Ray, Ray the one most people forgot about, Ray the one who was glancing at one of his best friends in so much concern, just Ray.

"Shit," Ray hissed mainly to himself, letting himself into the house and putting his arms around his friend, forcing the shaking boy into the comfiest place named the living room, which was painted a newly red berry colour and had a dark brown carpet, in which Ray pulled Patrick onto, until both boys were sitting crossed legs on the comfy floor, Patrick stopping his heaving but was still breathing heavily.

Ray didn't speak. Patrick swallowed hard, wincing at the shock of pain running up his throat, but attempted to speak anyway. "Ray, I-I'm fine, honestly." His voice was croaky but better than he expected, more like he'd been screaming too hard at a hardcore concert and damaged his voice box.

"Really, Patrick? Because you sure as hell don't look fine, and I can smell the weed on you, you know." Ray sighed and shook his head, pushing his mop of curly copper coloured hair back and staring worriedly at the smaller boy. "I never really thought of you to be a drugged up mess, right? That's because you're too you to be a fuck up, and I have a huge feeling this is to do with Brendon, because you never look happy with him, and maybe I'm wrong, because I haven't really been around recently due to Christa, who is, by the way, now my girlfriend." Ray grinned at the mention of Christa.