MHA: into the dekuverse

Universe 59: Randy part 2

Jack said "So in this story deku buys a bookshelf"

Bakugo said "let me guess this a funny story"

Jack said "yep"

Momo said "bakugo I mean we have been long enough to know when ever a story plays it is never normal" 

Deku said "I bought a bookshelf on Gumtree recently"

"What a way to start" mina start

Deku said "It was an amazing experience, I'll quickly tell you about it and then I'll read the book, but I found it strange, because it made me start to think about the way our methods of communication have sort of changed over the years"

Deku said "Y'know, in the old days, if you wanted a bookshelf, you'd just go see Gareth the bookshelf guy because he was the dude in your tribe that made the bookshelves, he had a little bookshelf cave, he was reputable! Now any mad bastard can sell their shit on Gumtree, y'know what I mean"

Everyone nodded as they got what this deku said while Some of the class giggled

Deku said "As a species, we're sort of able to cope with knowing and gossiping around a hundred or a hundred and fifty people, that's like the limit of our tribe. Any more than that, and it starts to get confusing, which is why we created abstract constructs like territories, and deities to unite larger groups of people over an imaginary common factor. And it works a treat, because we only really gather on masse on special occasions, but I think social media is fucking all that up"

Mina said "is it really"

Deku said "I think we're able to deal with the thousands of people we're connected to on a daily basis, and as a result, we neglect our immediate 150. Y'know? That's why I never get invited to parties anymore. It's not because I ramble on about veganism and fisting old ladies, it's because I'm not on Facebook, and everyone just assumes you are, I am so behind on the births, deaths, and marriages of my friends that I feel like the time travellers' wife every time I go to a party. Like, "This is Timmy, he's our son, he's six now" Fucking, didn't even know you were pregnant"

Everyone gave a slight laugh

Deku said "You know smartphones, they aren't that great. You know that right? They're not, they're not that great, you don't need the internet in your pocket, you work at Cole's, okay, you're not working for the president. You don't need it, you don't need that much information and also, what was the point of developing apposable thumbs for you to take a photo of your head, and post it on the internet and then just stand by for validation? No one gives a fuck about your head, they'll only validate it in order to gain permission to post a photo of their own head on the internet and stand by for validation. The people who give a fuck about your head, will at some point, see it in real life. Fuck your head, and the neck it rode in on. Your vanity is sucking up my bandwidth"

Everyone burst out laughing

Deku said "Y'know, this is what's going through my head as I'm on Gumtree looking for a bookshelf, because you know when you put something in the search in booktree- booktree? What the fuck? When you put something in the search on Gumtree-I'm having a stroke up here-When you put something in the search, right, and there's always a couple of things that come up in the list that are like the polar opposite of what you searched for? I'm like "Get out of my head, Gumtree algorithms, conspiracy!" No, but seriously, all you type is like "bookshelf" and it's like "Bookshelf, bookshelf, bookshelf, gramophone? Huh. Bookshelf, bookshelf, bookshelf, combine harvester? What the fuck? That's actually a pretty good price"

Everyone laugh

Deku said "Anyway, on this particular day, I found two bookshelves that worked for me in terms of cost and more important, geographical convenience, because I'd be fucked if I'm driving to Broadmeadows to pick up a bookshelf, right"