Her Eyes

Chapter 55: HURT

Alex went to work the next day in the same mood he was always in. He was never truly happy unless he was with Norma. That was odd for him. As she depended on him for protection and security, he depended on her for happiness. It was sad really—that he couldn't be happy on his own. He didn't like that he needed her so much. It terrified him. The station was unusually quiet, but he enjoyed it. He was feeling more at ease now that the DEA was gone. He was slowly beginning to breathe again. It was nice for him. He wasn't as stressed as he usually was, especially now that the Bradley Martin case was beginning to blow over.

After a few hours, he decided to head out. There wasn't much to do at the station anymore. Crimes were calming down. Typically he'd make a trip down to the local bar, but he drove home instead. He thought about Norma. He was glad they were getting closer, but part of him was still scared. He's never been so attached to anyone. He didn't really know how to continue in their relationship—or whatever it was. Much like the woman herself, their relationship was unpredictable. One minute they were rock solid, the next minute they were melting away. The uncertainty of it all scared him the most. He couldn't live without her.

He threw a lean cuisine in the microwave and poured himself a glass of scotch, taking a seat in his chair near the crackling fire. It was always the best way to clear his thoughts. The sound of a car pulling up startled him, though he assumed in was Norma. Nobody else ever came to visit him. He waited in his chair for the knock—he didn't want to seem like he'd been waiting for her. The sound of the knocking made his heart race faster. He strode over to the door and opened it, a slight smile perching on his face. His heart stopped when he saw who it was. "What do you want?"

Natalia stared back at him softly. "I wanna talk about it."

He raised his eyebrows and shrugged, slowly closing the door. "Well I don't have anything to say to you."

She slammed her hand against the door, stopping him. "Alex." He sighed and reopened the door. She wasn't just going to leave. He knew that. She stared directly into his eyes causing him to shiver. "I'm sorry. Can we just talk about it?"

"Natalia, there's nothing to talk about." He was sick and tired of everyone trying to rule his life. He needed a way out. He was suffocating.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." He rolled his eyes. He was a tough guy. He had to be. "I really do like you, Alex." He kept his focus on the doorframe. He couldn't look at her. She hated that. "I know what it's like to feel like no one cares—to pretend that you don't care. I know what it's like to try to be okay with being alone for the rest of your life because your job is too demanding and nobody wants to stick around for that. I know what it's like to come home at night and hate yourself for the things you had to do. Alex, I withdrew my candidacy this morning. But I didn't do it for you...I didn't do it for myself. I did it because this town needs you. There's nobody better than you. There never was. I—"

The microwave beeped in the background. "Times up," he told her. "My lean cuisine's done." He didn't mean to be rude, but she had showed up unexpectedly.

She stared at him with a saddened look on her face. "Alex, please."

A pain formed inside him. He really wasn't a bad guy. He moved aside and let her in, closing the door behind her. "You want half a meat loaf?"

She followed him in the kitchen. "Sure, I guess." He grabbed some plates and split the meatloaf, placing it on the plates along with some mashed potatoes. She smiled at him as he handed her a plate. "You were always an excellent cook."

He shot her an indifferent stare and took the seat across from her. "So what do you want?" He wasn't really one for small talk.

She took a bite as if to avoid his question. So he waited for her to swallow. "I came to apologize."

He glared at her. He hated her. "I don't need an apology." He took a bite of the meatloaf. The icy cold meat caused his stomach to turn. He glanced at her before spitting it out in his napkin. As he got up to reheat his plate, there was a soft knock at the door. He sighed and left the kitchen, heading towards the door.

Norma smiled at him as he opened the door. "I brought you some dinner." She pushed past him and made her way towards the kitchen.

His heart began to race as worry filled him. He couldn't lose her. "Norma."

She ignored him and continued her journey. "Alex, don't. I know you were going to have one of those awful frozen dinners, so just say thank you."

"Norma." He watched as she stopped dead in the doorway of the kitchen.

She didn't move for a few moments. She was paralyzed. It scared him. After a while, she set the container down on the counter, keeping her back to him. "I didn't mean to interrupt. I just wanted to bring this by. I have to get going anyway." The disappointment in her voice killed him. He'd failed her. She moved past him without looking at him.

He hated that he made her feel like that. He followed after her into the living room. "Norma. It's not—"

He knew she'd heard it all before. He could see it in her eyes. "You don't owe me an explanation. We're not together." It pained him. He loved her more than anything. She turned around and headed for the door.

"I'm not gonna let you leave." It stopped her, but she wouldn't face him. "I waited two and a half years for you. I'm not gonna let walk out that door...not this time."

She turned around, a forgiving smile on her face. "A half?"

It was a little ridiculous, but— "You murdered someone."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "So did you."

He laughed, smiling at her. He took a step closer to her and placed a hand on her arm for comfort. "I would never do that to you." She dropped her eyes to the floor. She knew it was the truth. He waited for her eyes to return to his. "I care about you a lot, Norma." He glanced over in the direction of the kitchen. "She was running for sheriff."

She raised an eyebrow. "Was?"

He nodded softly. "She withdrew."

She shot him a look. "What'd you have to do to get her to do that?" He didn't like that. But he knew this was how she was. It was how she coped with things. He couldn't blame her.

He still scolded her though. "Norma." Her eyes looked into his lovingly until they darted to a figure behind him.

Natalia made her way to the door. "I'm just gonna go," she told him. "Thanks for dinner." The couple watched as she left, waiting as she closed the door.

There was an awkward silence filling the room. It made them both slightly uneasy. Norma pulled away from him and headed back to the kitchen. "Did you have a nice dinner together?"

He sighed and followed after her. "I ate a partially frozen meatloaf."

She popped the lid off the container and placed it in the microwave. "Well then it's a good thing I brought you dinner." He smiled at her playful smirk. He'd never let her go.