Her Eyes

Chapter 36: REASONS

Early in the morning Alex received a text about a meeting at the DEA building. He was running a little late—he'd had a long night last night. He couldn't shake her. He didn't know what it was about her, but he wanted her. He walked into the room and hid behind the wall; he didn't want to bring any unneeded attention to himself. He watched the way Babbit instructed the meeting as she spoke; she was doing his job, and he hated it. "Everyone clear on your assignments. We're gonna hit Bob Paris at exactly twenty-one thirty." He was an outsider now. He hated the lack of control he had over everything. He'd messed it all up. Everything with the town—with Norma, there was no turning back. There had to be a way out, but right now he couldn't come to any possible conclusion. It was over. He had nothing. The only thing he could possibly salvage was his relationship with Norma.

So after spending countless hours watching the DEA do all the work, he drove over to the motel. She was already outside when he got there; she was just standing there waiting for something. He got out of the SUV and stood before her, both staring at each other broken down and useless. "I'm not here to apologize," he spoke up. "I did what I felt was the right thing...and it was the right thing. And I stand by it." He couldn't tell her about the DEA and how he regretted even calling them in the first place. She wouldn't win this one.

She didn't move. "Okay. Thanks for coming by and telling me that." Her voice was emotionless, but her face spoke something different.

He moved closer to her. She needed to know why he really came. She needed to know how he felt—what he was going through. She looked like she was about to burst into tears. His heart ached for her. "I am sorry I couldn't protect you." He couldn't believe they've come this far. It seemed like just yesterday he was accusing her of murder. He couldn't understand how someone so fragile could break down his iron wall. He'd never let anyone in...until she came along. There was something about her he didn't quite understand. She had a way with men. A way with controlling them—manipulating them until she got what she needed or they left. But Alex couldn't leave...he was stuck. He knew that. "If I could change that I would, but I can't. It's done." He knew this wouldn't ever end well. He had no choice. They were beholden to each other. He knew she couldn't survive on her own, and that he couldn't stand to live alone anymore. "I wish it was different."

"It's not your fault, Alex." He wasn't expecting this. He was expecting another fight, but she didn't have it in her. She'd lost something. He didn't know if she'd ever get it back. "It's bigger than us." She was being honest for once. "It's my fault anyway. I tried to hide it, and now it's coming out—and it's too much to shove away." They'd never had a conversation like this. Neither one them was trying to gain anything—they were being honest. And Alex liked honesty even if it was too painful. "I'm not gonna lie, I'm so scared. He's my son and he's broken." She was selfless. She never did anything just for herself—it was always about Norman. "He's the dearest boy that ever lived, and I just can't bare it if Bob Paris has this thing investigated. If they take him away...if they put him in prison just for defending me, it will kill me." It was already killing her. It was killing them both. "In some way, I don't even care anymore. Maybe fate wins here. We're all doomed in the end, right?" She gave him a sad smile.

She surprised him. He'd never seen her like this. He thought about what she said; he knew she was right. It was all oddly profound, yet he couldn't bring himself to fully believe it. Denial was his best friend. "Maybe." He shot her the same sad smile before changing his answer. "Probably."

She wiped the tears that had been streaming down her cheeks and stepped closer to him. He thought she was seeking comfort, but— "I'm gonna go up to the house, but thank you very much for stopping by." She left. He waited for her to climb the stairs before getting into his vehicle. He didn't know where they stood anymore. But that didn't stop him from wanting to protect her. She needed him—she deserved him.